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I really need you to look over my short essay for the CommonApp...
I appreciate any comments, criticisms, opinions and thoughts!
PLEASE help me !
here it is....
- A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you. -
Very early I have recognised that studying abroad and living independently in an international, diverse environment is the life I aim for. I see it as an excellent opportunity to meet students from all over the world, learn from and become enriched by their various cultures backgrounds. For todays students who grow up in such a globalised world, who may play a leading, world affecting role in a decade or two, I see it as extremely important to be open-minded in every context, autonomous and developed by the loads of experiences one can gain from the diversity provided by the internationality of todays college communities and the college education per se.
This is solely one reason why I have decided to go away from safe, comfortable home and attend a boarding school many miles away from the familiar environment at the age of twelve. I can say that it has been one of the hardest but also most valuable experiences in my short lifetime I was privileged enough to make. Besides the excellent education, on which I have always laid my focus as an ambitious and curious student, the german elite boarding school Salem supplied me with, I gained lots of experiences through the international community and extracurricular activities I absolved. The volunteer work at a kindergarden for children of socially deprived families, fencing lessons, the work at a carpentry, weekly churchgoings and being the leader of the schools hockey team has formed me to a critical, open-minded and highly motivated person. Also the crude living situation has only made me tougher. Those experiences have again verified me in my plan of life and that is a major reason why I want to move away from my home country and am agog to enrich myself with the loads of experiences I can gather from the chance to attend a good university.
As a result of my experiences, I am a highly enthusiastic, international, team-oriented student who would perfectly fit in and contribute to the diversity of a college community.