konichiwaa

I need some advice on my essay for ApplyTexas, the prompt is like this

Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

I wrote about a girl (I'm a guy) who helped me in my early school life because I was literally a kid that just play and goofing around all day. However my friend think that the essay is too cheesy (he said it's just love story) and suggest me not to use it for application.

So I wonder if someone could give me any suggestion, I will send essay if needed >_<