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Tear apart my common app essay, please?

konayukikonayuki Posts: 108Registered User Junior Member
edited November 2012 in College Essays
I struggled writing this; I am awful at writing about myself. I would love constructive criticism. My trouble areas tend to be:
-Wordiness
-Grammar
-Clarity

Also, I think my conclusion is fairly weak. Message me if you're interested in helping.
Post edited by konayuki on

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