Never mind about the full essay, but I have a question about one aspect: is the following paragraph an appropriate introduction?
"I never dreamed of coming to America, or even traveling outside my native country, the Philippines. Maybe it is because of my friends, the economy, or even the mere fact that I have lived there, and contently so, all my life—I do not know. However, being in the United States has been my most life-altering event to date. Some have said the American Dream has died, but for me, I am have been living it for more than five years now."
I feel that it sounds conclusive. The last two sentences, after all, were my conclusions until I decided to put it in the introduction. I figured they would introduce the whole essay more appropriately. My essay, by the way, talks about realizing the American dream by discussing "significant experiences" my family have had in living in the United States.
This is a common app essay. If you would like to read it, I would appreciate it very much! I am applying to four state universities and one private university located in Evanston, Illinois.