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UMD: Describe the parts that add up to the sum of you.

studentqsstudentqs Posts: 7Registered User New Member
edited February 2013 in College Essays
Please..any feedback good or bad would be great....any criticism as well


4.“The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” - Aristotle
The intellectual, social and cultural differences embraced by the University of Maryland are integral to the fabric of our community. The strength of the University is realized through the contributions of every member of our campus. We understand each individual is a result of his/her personal background and experiences. Describe the parts that add up to the sum of you. (300 words)

“We have arrived at Tokyo, Japan. The local time is…”
I forgot the exact time and weather, but I remember feeling disbelief. The shy, humble me was on the other side of the world. In everything that I do, the sum of who I am is expressed, and on the journey I took as part of the People to People Student Ambassador Program, I myself was revealed.
As my delegation stepped outside to find our bus, we were welcomed by people holding signs marked with names and greetings from all over the world. In this moment I remember thinking that I wanted my name to be on one of those signs. This is the ambition I hold, of big dreams behind small things. This is the ambition that extends into everything that I do in the pride of every action I take.
High marks in hard classes, four years of soccer and wrestling, awards in leadership and improvement, are all reflective of my ambition driven by hard work and desire. The community of my school and my teams has shaped me in its own diversity as I am constantly surrounded by different people of different cultures, insights, and experiences. Instilled in me is a natural sense of curiosity as I try to adopt and integrate every opinion, every value, and every perspective into my own vision. I followed my curiosity to Japan to add to my understanding of the world and appreciate its every aspect to contribute to my own wholeness.
As I sat in the bus, worlds away from my family, I thought about where I was and what I had done to be there. I hadn’t done much; I was just being myself in everything that adds up to the sum of me.
Post edited by studentqs on

Replies to: UMD: Describe the parts that add up to the sum of you.

  • studentqsstudentqs Posts: 7Registered User New Member
    so uhhh how much does it suck?
  • LailajiLailaji Posts: 40Registered User Junior Member
    First of all, people shouldn't post their essays online like this, for obvious reasons. Secondly, I don't get sense of you at all. Especially when you say you try to integrate like everything about everyone into yourself. What are you, a sponge? It's pretty well-written though.
  • studentqsstudentqs Posts: 7Registered User New Member
    how can I take it down??!!
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