darcie

I have written an essay for my comp teacher and she says I need to take out the use of the words you, you're, they, them, ect to make it more general for my audience. Would anyone be willing to read it and give me examples of how to do this?


The Challenge of Being Different

When you’re a teenager the most terrifying thing in the world is to be viewed as a social outcast. All you want to do is fit in, but it’s hard when you don’t fit the mold of social clicks. Being different when you’re a teen can be a negative experience; however in the long term it can help them become more productive adults with strong moral values.

Growing up in a strong Christian family can be difficult, especially when you’re a teenager. Parents tend to be strict with their children, holding them to a higher standard than other teens. Every action is an example of your faith. Dating and attending social gathering such as prom and homecoming may be withheld from the teen. Extra circular activities such as after school sports and part time jobs can distract from religious studies.
Friendships may be limited to those of your own faith. “Granted, true Christians do not assume that a person is indecent or immoral simply because he or she is not a fellow believer. But when it comes to forming close bonds, there is reason to be cautious.” (How Can I Avoid) At the time you do not realize how valuable this is, by limiting your circle of friends to those who have the same beliefs protects you from bad influences such as underage drinking, drugs and sex.

“Many families feel their religious and spiritual beliefs are an important part of who they are. Home schooling provides the opportunity for parents to incorporate their beliefs into their daily lives.” (Shaw) Deciding to home school your teen has some positive aspects. Your child can work at a pace that is best suited for them and possibly finish their education sooner. “Home schooled children can accomplish in a few hours what takes a typical classroom a week or more to cover.” (Shaw) Parents are typically more involved in a teen’s life when they are home schooled. By spending more time with them in a natural setting, the teen is more likely to open up and ask for guidance when facing a difficult decision. A lack of socialization with peers can be a negative drawback of home schooling. One could say that if teens are not given the opportunity to face opposition from peers, they may never have an understanding of how to interact with people in any given social setting. Home-schooled teens could also have a false sense of the world, as they are more sheltered from it.

Most teens who are raised in cities and have a very different lifestyle and are less likely to be sheltered from the world than those who are raised in the country or on a farm. It can be hard to fit in when you go to school with thirteen year olds wearing makeup and miniskirts and your still playing with Barbie dolls and climbing trees. Simple living can make you naïve to the world and could make you seem younger than you actually are. However non-urban teens are raised with a stronger work ethic and have a better understanding of what it means to work hard. A farm-raised teen typically works right beside the adults with tasks that need to be done for the family to survive. This includes key homemaking skills such as cooking, cleaning and laundry. Teens today not raised in this environment move out on their own with out the basic knowledge of these simple tasks.

Every teen has a tough time growing up and trying to find out where they fit in. Everyone wants to have friends and fit into a social group. Remember being different may seem difficult when you’re a teenager and want what everyone else seems to have, but the hardships you face now will only help you become a stronger, more well balanced adult. Embrace your differences because they are what determines the person you are now and the person you will eventually become.

ADad

Try this:

or:

or:

or go for conciseness:

or use only active verbs, though ostracism might not be in your genuine voice:

or:

***********

There are no doubt more possibilities. So, imo, think in a similar manner about the rest of your essay. Use as few words as possible without compromising meaning and consistent with your own voice. Be as precise as possible.