thedreamusc

PLEASE READ AND EDIT THE BEST YOU CAN



Dear Sir,

Mr. X I am, from the bottom of my heart asking you to truly consider me for admissions. Please for just one minute put my file away and read this letter with an open heart. If you do this sir, I am certain you will sense my deep passion to be apart of the University of X community.
My name is X and I applied as a new freshmen for the fall 2008 term. I just checked my status online and it stated that my application is being reviewed by a final committee. I feel this is my final opportunity to allow you to understand why I need to be encircled in the University of X community.
I am fully aware of the University of X's efforts to challenge its students and I am at the point in my adult life that that type of environment is crucial. I have never truly been fortunate enough to be in an environment where I was really challenged to think. Regardless of what I want to do in life, I have always wanted to be a thinker and a person of knowledge. My grades and test scores might say otherwise, but I truly enjoy learning and being around others who also value a great education. I know your office is used to seeing people with outstanding test scores and grades and they most definitely deserve a chance to be educated by your very qualified professors, but I feel that I too deserve that chance. I was made aware by a recruiter that your university provides an excellent source of academic support and I know this is just what I need. I know I can succeed at the University of X and I just need you to believe that too, but I can also understand if that’s difficult for you to do only through a letter.
I truly appreciate you taking the time to read this letter and I especially want to thank you for giving me a fair chance and actually reviewing my application.
Sincerely,
X

thedreamusc

*bump*










Bump Bump

thedreamusc

I would really appreciate it if someone edited this for me. SOME1

thedreamusc

someone help please!

RacPaime

While well-intent, I do not see any specific examples to back up your statements. When I read it, I am not really convinced but I can see you are pretty desperate. I do not know about the admissions officers' opinions, but being desperate is a turnoff for me.

RacPaime

One example: You said you enjoy learning. Where's your proof?
Second example: Deep passion? Really? Why? Saying that alone sounds like you only sucking up to the school.
Third Example: Environment?
Fourth Example: You said the University challenges its students. Really? How? Don't all universities do that?
Fifth example: You always a thinker and person of knowledge. No proof. Even worse is that sounds like a lie and somewhat bragging. Always back it up with a specific examples.
Sixth example: made aware by their recruiter about great academic support? All colleges have recruiters to advertise their school and say they do. If they know they do, you do not have to say.
7th example: Do not talk about others having higher grades. That does not matter. What matters is you have your sense of confidence and your personal interests! By saying that, you sound like you do not deserve to be taught by their professors.

Remember, do not panic. You sound like you are in the letter. When you write this letter, ask yourself what can University X do for me? What can I do for them? If you list examples, be sure to make them straightforward and not wordy. Try thinking of college as a hot looking girl. What can you do to get her to accept you?

These are my opinions. Remember I am not an admissions officer so I do not know how they think. But I seriously think this letter would lower your chances. Try rewriting it. Research online: Try Googling: College Essays Or College Personal Statements.

butterbattle

^ I agree with each of your points, but not your assessment of the letter as a whole.

I disagree with this. The point of the letter was simply to beg and to emphasize that he believed his numbers did not truly reflect him as student and an individual. Citing evidence would have made it seem like the OP was arguing with admissions officers.

This letter...
1) Shows that the OP really wants to go to this university.
2) Makes him stands out from the other applicants.
3) He sounds like he's telling the truth, and that's what matters here, I think. I don't want to nitpick at every detail because the details in this letter aren't as important as the meaning or the essence of the letter. If admissions officers share my perspective, then this should increase the OP's chances.

Either way, good luck.

A Persona

Rather than arguing about the content, I'll give you this advice,

1. Change sir to 'sir or madam.' It's possible that a woman will be reading this letter.

2. Pay careful attention to your commas.

butterbattle

It looks like the OP is addressing a specific person.

hmmmmm, strange. This line gives me doubts.

If you really had a passion for learning, then this should not be a problem. Truly exceptional students are not confined and dumbed down by their environment. They do not wait for amazing opportunities, tough challenges, and valuable experiences to be thrust upon them. They don't wait for school to challenge them, they challenge themselves. They do not wait for greatness. They search for it. They pursue it.

If you were too bored, you should have taken harder classes, gotten a job, become a leader, played a sport etc. Regardless of the circumstances, you should have taken advantage of the resources available to you.

By making this statement, you are implying that other applicants were "fortunate" enough to be challenged by their environment. You, "unfortunately," were not challenged? Thus, you have low test scores and G.P.A.s?

Tsk tsk tsk, what's going on here?

alexsmol

yeah i think it'll hurt you're chances. Never admit that theres a flaw in your application, and "further review" doesn't mean anything. They would rather think you were trying you're hardest and got those grades, than that you were slacking. Also, you seem to be placing blame, which never helps the case. Lastly, schools, at this time, are bombarded by emails, letters, calls etc, and i garantee you that a letter like this will do little more then annoy them. I wouldn't send anything if i were you

hayva

I think that pointing out flaws in your app and having a generally whiney tone is not a good idea. This reminds me of those money-transfer email schemes.

Did you have any interviews? I would think that now is the right time to send your interviewers short thank-you cards (if you haven´t already done so. But you did do that, right?) telling them what a pleasant interview you had and emphasizing your continued and enthusiastic interest in their institution.

NickBarr

You truly need to stop using the word truly so much

ShoeBark

Please, watch your spelling. Read this sentence carefully.

zsg

Dear Mr. X,

I am, from the bottom of my heart, asking you to truly consider me for admissions (What, are you saying he considered you falsely before?). Please, put my file away for just one minute and read this letter with an open heart. If you do this, I am certain you will sense my deep passion to be a part of the University of X community.

My name is X and I applied as a new freshmen for the fall 2008 term. I just checked my status online and it stated that my application is being reviewed by a final committee. I feel this is my final opportunity to allow you to understand why I need to be encircled in the University of X community.
I am fully aware of the University of X's efforts to challenge its students and I am at the point in my adult life that that type of environment is crucial. I have never truly been fortunate enough to be in an environment where I was really challenged to think (Oh, really? Don't insult your school without proof.). Regardless of what I want to do in life, I have always wanted to be a thinker and a person of knowledge. My grades and test scores might say otherwise, but I truly enjoy learning and being around others who also value a great education. I know your office is used to seeing people with outstanding test scores and grades and they most definitely deserve a chance to be educated by your very qualified professors, but I feel that I too deserve that chance (You're pointing attention to your weaknesses). I was made aware by a recruiter that your university provides an excellent source of academic support (be specific) and I know this is just what I need. I know I can succeed at the University of X and I just need you to believe that too (you make it sound like it's not true), but I can also understand if that’s difficult for you to do only through a letter.

I truly appreciate you taking the time to read this letter and I especially want to thank you for giving me a fair chance and actually reviewing my application.
Sincerely,
X

Seriously? This letter is way too vague. It sounds like an ungrammatical, ill-worded attempt to suck up to the officer. You need a hook.
1) Why haven't you been challenged, and why do you want to be now?
2) What is this "excellent source of support?"
3) Of all the underqualified people, why should you be the one they accept?
If you really deserve to get in, there needs to be something else you're not telling the admissions officers. Think of that something.