omarxcore

I need a couple of people to look over my essays! I will read and proofread your essay if you read mine!

Any takers?

Thanks in advance!

letstalkcollege

Sure, i'll look over it. PM me!

omarxcore

I sent it!


Does anyone else want to try. Would it be easier if I just copied and pasted the essay onto here.

Here is the essay:

Finding out that I could not graduate with the kids I grew up with for 12 years was probably one of the hardest things for me to handle. The second hardest thing for me to handle was the fact that I had to obtain my GED. My initial thought about this was that everyone is going to think of me as a failure because I graduated in a very unconventional way. It was at that time my perseverance went into full drive. I decided I would break away from the social stigma of the GED and show that I could be successful.

As long as I can remember I was seen as a leader to all my peers and the adults around me. I had built up a reputation of always trying to be the best I can possibly be.When I had to tell parents that I was obtaining my GED, you could tell by the look of disgust on their face that they were very wrong about me. They were very wrong, this GED was not the end of me, if anything, it has empowered me. From the time I found out that I would have a whole year to myself, I started doing a million and one things. I started my own production company with my friend, I have started reading more classic literature and have been helping out with the Hands on Orlando doing community Service.

The fact that I managed to overcome this obstacle in my life shows that anything that life hands me I will be able to handle it. I don't think that college will be any different. College will be a new part of my life that I am willing to embrace with open arms. Being the "unconventional student" (by every definition of the word), I know that the odds are against me. If admitted into the University of Florida, I will overcome any preconceived notions about my past to pave the way to a very bright and above average future.

Like obtaining my GED and not being able to graduate with my friends, going to college is an obstacle I have to tackle. If accepted into the University of Florida, I would take all the things I have learned this last year about perseverance and conquering obstacles and apply that to the many responsibilities that I will have while being an active member of the UF community.

letstalkcollege

Hey, just a piece of advice: Don't post it on here until after your entire college admissions process is over and you've been admitted to a school. But then again, I'm kind of finicky about who has access to my essays.

I sent you my critique.

omarxcore

anyone else...no?

Yeti Crab

I'd add another paragraph after the second paragraph explaining how exactly you empowered yourself.... describe your experience and how you perservered. You say they helped you mature but we don't SEE how. The essay feels somewhat incomplete without that. Try to focus more on the theme of self-reliance and perserverence and less on generalities, and really show and describe just how you "learned this last year about perseverance and conquering obstacles".

I'd also change some wording; many of your sentences seem wordy and some statements are awkward. I can pinpoint those tomorrow if you'd like. (gotta sleep for now!!)