Welcome to College Confidential!

The leading college-bound community on the web

Sign Up For Free

Join for FREE, and start talking with other members, weighing in on community polls, and more.

Also, by registering and logging in you'll see fewer ads and pesky welcome messages (like this one!)

As a CC member, you can:

Eugene Lang Essay

CarrotFlowersCarrotFlowers Posts: 3Registered User New Member
edited May 2010 in College Essays
I just finished writing one of my essays for Eugene Lang. It's very short notice as this is due on Saturday but I thought I needed some feedback. It's not before but I don't know what to change or add.
Any thoughts would be very helpful. Thanks!



You have been elected the leader of a new populace. The future is in your hands. Outline a platform on environmental issues, education, and race and ethnicity. Be wise and be creative. (Approximately 500 Words)





Years into the future, a series of devastating natural disasters occur triggering the almost complete extinction of the human race. Politicians, gone. Religious figures, gone. Royalty, gone. There are under 400 survivors in the entire world. All of whom were absolutely ordinary people. The earth is in ruin and the people of it are stuck in hopeless shock. One brave girl, with a bachelors degree in liberal arts from Eugene Lang, The New School, steps up in her well-educated manner and speaks out to the world.
" We have a chance to start from scratch. To take the mistakes of our old world and improve them for the sake of the future. It is our duty." She presents the changes they could make together; inspired by her words, the last humans elect her as their new leader. Together, they begin their journey.


I walked amongst the rest of the survivors in the lifeless streets of what used to be New York City. I had to keep a brave face on for them because they entrusted their entire future in me, but it was difficult. Entire streets ripped apart, cars abandoned, iconic buildings turned to rubble. We had never experienced anything quite like this.
I let myself fall a bit behind of the group, trying to reassure myself that we could do this. I kept my inkling of hope alive by envisioning the future. A future where we weren't entirely dependent on fossil fuels. Where instead we would use geothermals, tide turbines, wind power and solar power for our electricity, energy, and heat. With so few of us, it would be easy to implement these environment-friendly alternatives. We would create the most efficient transportation system and also every person would own a bicycle; eliminating the need for cars.
In the past week I have spent my days laying out the new government platform. I have held group meetings with everyone where we've had discussion upon discussion, picking down to the bone on our policies and issues. We have had our ups and very very extreme downs. The only thing holding our heads up high after the enormous tragedy is our vision of self-sustaining buildings with rooftop gardens, free high-quality education, a simple recycling system, better health care, a self-stimulating economy, and racial and gender equality.
Of the survivors there is a large age range which will benefit our new society. We will need to put an education system into effect as one of our first orders of business. We will have high quality public education provided to everyone because we are building this world together and we all need to be about our wits. We will create public colleges. The public colleges will have a very small tuition fee and will provide stipends to those who need them. We will also have several well-developed programs for job placement and or internships once we are off the ground.
After surviving through the most significant and traumatic tragedy of our time, after seeing our brothers, sisters, and best friends get ripped from our lives by the apocalypse, we were all able to band together as one. As the last humans on earth, we didn't even have the option to keep any racial, ethnic, or any sort of background prejudices we may have once had. What happened between different races before this time no longer mattered because we finally saw that we were all one race; the human race. It was now up to all of us, with me as their elected leader of the new world, to re-create life itself.
Post edited by CarrotFlowers on

Replies to: Eugene Lang Essay

  • billabongboy9828billabongboy9828 Posts: 1,090Registered User Senior Member
    Honestly, it looks like garbage to me. There's a lack of mature diction and syntax, and your "better future" message is much to overused.
  • CarrotFlowersCarrotFlowers Posts: 3Registered User New Member
    Well, saying it looks like "garbage" isn't constructive in the least bit. If you actually wanted to help then you would be more specific and not just mean.
  • CarrotFlowersCarrotFlowers Posts: 3Registered User New Member
    Wouldn't everyone want a better future anyway?
  • theespys69theespys69 Posts: 523Registered User Member
    OK why are people posting their essays on an OPEN FORUM? I hope you can realize that people can copy this. Yes, they may get caught, but it will involve you getting tangled up in this mess as well
  • kobudnikkobudnik Posts: 835Registered User Member
    Who would want to copy this?
  • iltli92iltli92 Posts: 111Registered User Junior Member
    Honestly? when I applied to Eugene Lang, I spent like 10 min on the essay and got in. They're infamous for being disorganized- I've heard stories where they didn't even read people's essays (people forgot to submit them and got in). At other schools, I would say you should have been careful about posting this online, but I'll eat my shorts if Eugene Lang finds this. It's a good school, but that's not their area of strength.

    It's not garbage, that's a stupid comment. The diction and syntax aren't awful, but it needs to be grammar checked quickly- some awkward mistakes include the "i" and "we" switch (inadvisable) and the "self stimulating" thing just sounds weird, haha. oh and don't do the "very very" and "ups and down" thing, they are too informal. I don't think you sway on your topic at all- it stays pretty even throughout. You could switch the phrase up "better future" so it doesn't get too repetitive. make sure you don't use too many hyphenated-combination words haha. That's one of my biggest flaws writing too. I won't lie, your essay is slightly cliche, but the topic is intolerably cliche itself- I blame Eugene Lang for this. I mean come on guys- maybe Eugene Lang is known for its politically involved students but what 18 year old can make their own gov't up? I notice most actual politicians in this country struggle to do that. But you worked with what you had to pretty well. I
  • CodeNPCodeNP Posts: 23Registered User New Member
    "Who would want to copy this?"

    lol, that's not very nice.
  • xgunedxxgunedx Posts: 44Registered User Junior Member
    I'll try to be as helpful as I can.

    "One brave girl, with a bachelors degree in liberal arts from Eugene Lang, The New School, steps up in her well-educated manner and speaks out to the world."

    This is way too dramatic. It's like one of those TV advertisements in which you have to buy their product or your going to die.

    It also makes you sound like you are the seconding coming of god.

    It also reminded me of Jeanne DuPrau's "The People of Sparks," much too much Sci-Fic.

    "A future where we weren't entirely dependent on fossil fuels. Where instead we would use geothermals, tide turbines, wind power and solar power for our electricity, energy, and heat. With so few of us, it would be easy to implement these environment-friendly alternatives. We would create the most efficient transportation system and also every person would own a bicycle; eliminating the need for cars."

    The only thing holding our heads up high after the enormous tragedy is our vision of self-sustaining buildings with rooftop gardens, free high-quality education, a simple recycling system, better health care, a self-stimulating economy, and racial and gender equality.

    This reads like a laundry list of false hopes.

    As your new Student Body president I will give you all free ice cream everyday, have no teachers, hire three star Michelin chefs for the cafeteria, give everyone all As and ban homework!

    Not very believable or interesting.

    You need to "show" more and stop telling me what your going to do.
  • quomodoquomodo Posts: 2,467Registered User Senior Member
    I like the beginning. It's neat how you give the background info first, and how you tell it like a story. That being said,
    1) There are a LOT of tense issues.
    2) You need to be much more specific. Of course you want equality and alternative energy and all that other good stuff. But how are you going to implement this? What are your SPECIFIC ideas?

    I don't think it's as bad as people are saying. Put some more thought and work into it and you should be good to go. : D
Sign In or Register to comment.