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Am I wasting my life?

acer44acer44 Posts: 3Registered User New Member
edited September 2010 in College Life
Hello. Thanks so much for considering this question.

You see, i was just thinking over the past few days that i am just waisting my life. I feel like I am missing out on major life experiences that other people around me experience. Since this is anonymous, I will be honest here.

I am currently 20 years old now, and in my third year of college. I have never been to a party, never had a date, and never had any friends. Ever.

In high, middle, and elementary school, I always ate by myself, say by myself, had no friends, really. The most was that I talked to some kids in class--just small stuff, like for projects, etc. Over time, more and more kids came to see that I was abnormal, and so it became ever harder to have friends. No one made fun of me, mind you, but everyone just kept their distance. Very respectful, they were.

Also, during high school, I studied like crazy. It was always my dream to attend the top schools--Harvard, Yale, Princeton. So, I thought to myself, “If I work hard now, I’ll get to the top places, and it will pay off.” I slept very late, took a lot of AP tests, did science competitions, etc. I also took college courses from my local university (It is a second tire university, with medical school, etc). By the time I applied for college, I had taken 2 Junior level college courses, and 2 sophomore level courses. So, I was really trying to compensate for my unhappy high school.

But, I was rejected from all the top schools. I suspect that they must have thought I was crazy, and maybe I am. Or maybe they know I am too dumb for those schools. I don’t even know.

So, what happened was that I attended the local university. i got a free scholarship. But I live at home, so I have never attended a college party, or any social event of any kind. At the first year, i was just so depressed that I got horrible grades, and lost my scholarship. So, now I have to pay.

Worse yet, I kept on having bad grades, but I suppose I’m improving.

What I am most concerned about here is that i am failing in a huge aspect of life. i see the folks around have fun, go on dates, etc. and all I do is stay at home. i just go to school and back. nothing more.

Because I am so isolated--basically, I do not talk to anyone, and i hardly ever talk to my parents--it seems like I have wasted my first 20 years of life. I know knowledge stuff, but I have no social skills. I talk awkwardly, can’t really have conversation, etc. Worse yet, I have a stuttering problem! I am trying to overcome it, though....

So, I was just wondering: Have I really wasted those 20 years of my life? Or do you think I spent it all right?

I feel so worn out. i feel like I have never accomplished anything that I have tried to do...is this normal? Or is my reality just warped up?

Thanks
Post edited by acer44 on

Replies to: Am I wasting my life?

  • NorthstarmomNorthstarmom Posts: 24,853Registered User Senior Member
    It is not normal to be as isolated as you are from friendships and normal social interactions. Your college probably has a counseling center that's free or low cost that you could obtain social skills help from.
  • akhman24akhman24 Posts: 586Registered User Member
    You have definitely wasted your first 20 years of your life, or at least recently. Was there any times in your life where you weren't like this, or at the very least happy? Try to think of a time in your life that you were happy, and then ask yourself why you were happy at that time? I'm sure there will be something quite different about that time and now...so then you should ask yourself, why don't I go back to that anymore?

    What is life if you are not happy? True happiness usually comes from interactions with others.

    What you need to do is to shatter your ego. You could do this on a psychedelic trip, but it's also possible to shatter the ego when you hit a breaking point among extreme stress, and you are probably headed in that direction. But when you shatter your ego, you want to put it back together in a positive light, which probably won't be the case if you break it from stress.
  • bagelsbagelsbagelsbagels Posts: 764Registered User Member
    no, but you need to GET wasted
  • ISUClubISUClub Posts: 790Registered User Member
    OP: Reading your post was like reading something I wrote myself. I am in a very similar situation... well not really. I live at home right now, but I've managed to find things to do on campus, along with a couple of friends in the classrooms.

    Like you, I hated high school. Everyone seemed superficial, and one of my only connections left me to dry and treated me like I was worthless. Now, I get the feeling he wants to be old high school friends, but he can kiss my a55. So that was high school for me, it sucked.

    Like you, I also took a lot of college courses in high school - finished calc iii junior year. I also got depressed for a while, and it became extremely difficult to manage school and sports at the same time. I bombed diff eq and linear algebra, and literally F-ed another class. I got turned down by all the private schools I applied to, and I got no scholarships from the state college I'm attending now. Plus, I'm living at home with my lame parents, and it SUX!

    I'm 19, in my second year of college, and my GPA is 3.5. I plan to go ape-sh** and get 4.0s from this point forward, so I can have a shot at the top 5 grad schools. I learned a lot in the last couple of years. I've learned to be confident and more humble than I was before. You see other people partying, drinking and sexing. I get it, I get jealous too sometimes. I mean please, I live at home, and there's not much I can do about it unless I make significant sacrifices.

    Right now, the difference between me and you: I've found a way to get back in the game. I play sports, and I find friends to do homework with. Sometimes, I still rue the fact that I've received less than others, especially with my international Visa status. But I've learned to move past that because it doesn't help me move forward. You just need to find a different mentality and take your situation by the horns.

    P.S. what school are you at?
  • OaksMomOaksMom Posts: 615Registered User Member
    acer44, I feel so sad for you. I would really encourage you to get to your university counseling center, perhaps you have a form of Aspergers Symdrome that makes it difficult for you to have comfortable relationships with others. Someone there should be able to help you or direct you to someone who can. Your depression needs to be addressed medically, so also get a check up with your doctor. Some university counseling centers even offer workshops for the socially shy to learn how to feel comfortable in social situations. You obviously are a capable person academically, so you're a late bloomer in the social dept...no biggie. Try to join a club, a church, anything that might interest you. Take baby steps, set small goals for yourself; like today when I walk to my classes I will smile and say 'good morning' to 5 people. Please don't give up on yourself. You have not wasted 20 years of your life! Make an appt with the counseling services and GO! It may be the first step in a whole new life! Good luck!
  • SithisSithis Posts: 637Registered User Member
    Have I really wasted those 20 years of my life? Or do you think I spent it all right?

    I feel like you answered this question yourself:
    I feel so worn out. i feel like I have never accomplished anything that I have tried to do...is this normal? Or is my reality just warped up?

    Although, I think that "wasted" is not the right term... it is difficult to just categorically declare that someone has "wasted" 20 years...this is a long period of time. Your time is only wasted if you have a problem with how it is being spent--it is not simply wasted because you do not adhere to some standard of normality. That said, if you have never ever had any friends, you should definitely seek some form of psychological counseling, as you may have something like avoidant personality disorder, social anxiety, etc. I would have suggested schizoid PD at first, but it seems that you are jealous of others' social interactions to some extent and are personally uncomfortable with your current social situation, so it's clearly not that.
  • dawncomingdawncoming Posts: 739Registered User Member
    The sole purpose of attending a college is to find how stupid you have been&will be.
  • tiff90tiff90 Posts: 1,370- Senior Member
    Never having any friends is not normal, you probably need to talk to a professional. I doubt anyone on here can give you the help you need. Try to fix things now while you're still young.
  • Mr0rang3Mr0rang3 Posts: 56Registered User Junior Member
    I didn't really believe your post until you mentioned the stuttering problem. I also stutter and see why you are having problems. I am getting help and think you should too. It will make a world of difference in your life. Stuttering affects every part of my life but I am trying my best to beat it. Don't let it beat you OP.
  • NorthstarmomNorthstarmom Posts: 24,853Registered User Senior Member
    This site about stuttering including famous stutterers like Carly Simon and Tiger Woods might be helpful:

    Famous People
  • BLK616BLK616 Posts: 96Registered User Junior Member
    Please Acer- get help now. Go to the counseling center as a first step. Find a counselor you can relate to and who can refer you for medication with depression.

    It's not a matter of wasting your life. Lots of people have a crummy childhood and adolescence- but figure things out when they are adults. Don't worry about what happened in the past 20 years-- make the next 20 good. Acknowledging that you want help is the first step.
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