Hello. Thanks so much for considering this question.
You see, i was just thinking over the past few days that i am just waisting my life. I feel like I am missing out on major life experiences that other people around me experience. Since this is anonymous, I will be honest here.
I am currently 20 years old now, and in my third year of college. I have never been to a party, never had a date, and never had any friends. Ever.
In high, middle, and elementary school, I always ate by myself, say by myself, had no friends, really. The most was that I talked to some kids in class--just small stuff, like for projects, etc. Over time, more and more kids came to see that I was abnormal, and so it became ever harder to have friends. No one made fun of me, mind you, but everyone just kept their distance. Very respectful, they were.
Also, during high school, I studied like crazy. It was always my dream to attend the top schools--Harvard, Yale, Princeton. So, I thought to myself, If I work hard now, Ill get to the top places, and it will pay off. I slept very late, took a lot of AP tests, did science competitions, etc. I also took college courses from my local university (It is a second tire university, with medical school, etc). By the time I applied for college, I had taken 2 Junior level college courses, and 2 sophomore level courses. So, I was really trying to compensate for my unhappy high school.
But, I was rejected from all the top schools. I suspect that they must have thought I was crazy, and maybe I am. Or maybe they know I am too dumb for those schools. I dont even know.
So, what happened was that I attended the local university. i got a free scholarship. But I live at home, so I have never attended a college party, or any social event of any kind. At the first year, i was just so depressed that I got horrible grades, and lost my scholarship. So, now I have to pay.
Worse yet, I kept on having bad grades, but I suppose Im improving.
What I am most concerned about here is that i am failing in a huge aspect of life. i see the folks around have fun, go on dates, etc. and all I do is stay at home. i just go to school and back. nothing more.
Because I am so isolated--basically, I do not talk to anyone, and i hardly ever talk to my parents--it seems like I have wasted my first 20 years of life. I know knowledge stuff, but I have no social skills. I talk awkwardly, cant really have conversation, etc. Worse yet, I have a stuttering problem! I am trying to overcome it, though....
So, I was just wondering: Have I really wasted those 20 years of my life? Or do you think I spent it all right?
I feel so worn out. i feel like I have never accomplished anything that I have tried to do...is this normal? Or is my reality just warped up?