ogloc91

Here's the deal. I'm in my 4th semester at UB (Buffalo). I literally have no friends. Sure, I have people I meet with on campus for an hour or so, but that's it. I'm not really shy, I talk to people, I'm friendly, etc. It's just when I pick up my phone, I have NOBODY to call just to talk or hang out.

In high school I had a group of 5-6 friends but I was on good terms with the whole grade. Now it seems like I'm always alone... eating alone, working alone, everything alone. My schedule is this: Wake up, classes, that's it.

I guess the problem is that I never lived in the dorm, I've always had an apartment. But I really don't know what to do, it's too late to transfer as well in my opinion. Even if I did transfer, I don't want to have to re-do even another semester.

So, not sure what I'm really asking. Just needed to get this out.

amber2010

Plenty of threads about have been circulating on this very topic in the past few weeks. Everyone's advice has to be join a club and pretty much force yourself but in a non awkward way on someone lol.

rymd

joining a club is useless. just wait for friends to come to you.

tobaccoNchocolat

How so? Most of the friends I have made so far are in student organizations that I joined.

nysmile

Is there a reason why you chose not to live on campus?

takeitallin

I think rymd is being sarcastic. Definitely not living in dorms limits meeting people. Join activities on campus and make yourself go to them. Get involved in all of the activities and make sure you are always there early so you can catch people to say hi as they enter. If you do activities, try to get in the cars with people who are really outgoing. You will have to make a lot of effort- rymd is right in that friends will not just come to you.

tiff90

"How so? Most of the friends I have made so far are in student organizations that I joined. "

You've been at school 2 weeks. The people you meet in the beginning of freshmen year usually aren't your friends by second semester. Club people are typically people you do club related things with, maybe go out. I rarely go out with the people in my clubs, with the exception being my sorority. Every once in a while we grab drinks after an event, but that's about it. I met my friends through friends, in the DSA, at parties, in class and bars. With the exception of greek organizations, few people I know have met good friends from joining student groups.

DCHurricane

"I met my friends through friends"

and how did you meet them? And 'tis hard to meet people at parties and bars when you don't live on/near school :/

sadcollegestud

I'm going through the same. All you can do is continue to do what you do. And to those who say "join clubs, it's that simple!", it's actually not. I've joined 2 clubs and while I've met people it's merely a "hey, what's up?" not do you want to hang out thing. Just believe that everything happens for a reason and see what happens. I know it's so pessimistic especially coming from a first month freshman, but I'm not trying anymore. College is simply overrated. I have one amazing acquaintance here and she make sure she involves me in everything.

I'm basically just letting stuff flow. I'm not trying anymore because I'm clearly wasting my time. I eat alone majority of the time (when I eat w/someone I eat with my acquantince), study alone, everything alone. I have my people I say "hey" to but that's about it. And like Tiff said, when second semester starts and it's time to reselect new classes, I doubt I'll be saying "hey" to the people I've been seeing first semster.

Johnson181

My closest friends:
1) people I met through my sports club
2) people I met through my service fraternity (and don't say anything about buying friends, since our dues are only $30 a semester or so).

siliconvalleymom

Could you live on campus next semester?
Can you work out in a campus gym?
Are you eating lunch on campus?

ABR1190

If you're religious (or even if you're not), try to go to a ministry that's not too crazy and hang out there. They're usually pretty good about being friendly and open to taking in new people. That's how I've met my core group of friends here.

tiff90

"and how did you meet them?"

Designated smoking area freshmen year. And greek life. Pretty much 90% of my friends I met through people I met at the DSA or greek life. About 15 friends I have now I met through my best friend freshmen year, who I met at the DSA. The other random way I met friends was a Pittsburgh Sports Fan group on fb. We still all meet up to watch the Steelers and Penguin games, usually at sports bars, and hang out outside of games.

The bars we go to are all offcampus. We either use public transit or carpool (the flats is inaccessible by public transit). But my school is in the city, so if you're commuting to a rural or suburban school you will have a harder time. Commuting saves money, but it kills your social life. I don't know any commuters, but a lot of commuters are either adult students or people who work FT or close to FT (you can't go PT to my school).

babytitain

Funny thing, a friend of mine who went to Ball State also said she met her group of friends in the DSA, lol. She said they were all miserable and cold and found something they all had in common. Well after a couple of months of standing outside in the winter, they began to strike up some pretty interesting conversations and the rest is history....

of course I'm not advocating smoking though; but, if you're desperate....

mikemac

the OP could always visit the counseling services, already paid for at most schools thru the student fees. Services, Counseling Services Website - University at Buffalo One of the groups they have is described as "A group that focuses on increasing coping skills including mindfulness, emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness and distress tolerance." They also appear to have individual counseling available.

Of course that advice presupposes the OP wants to make some changes, which it isn't really clear he/she does. Its an unfortunate thing, but a lot of people decide living with the devil they know is better than trying something new and facing the fear of what might happen; the flip side, of course, is that prevents any changes that might *improve* things.