hinge47

I'm trying to find out if any colleges have a policy on "sexiling" your roommate, or on doing it with your roommate present (which Tufts prohibits). Or do they just leave people to figure it out. In the Rutgers case that ended in suicide, it started with the guy asking his roommate to get lost for a few hours. My own, HS-age kids said wait, is why is that OK, to kick your roommate out? Do colleges allow that. And I had no answer. I'm a journalist, so any tips on specific schools' policies appreciated.

romanigypsyeyes

Ew. Ew. Ew. EW.

Most schools have policies about dorm room visitors. But mostly, it's left to you and your roommate to figure out. We had to sign agreements at the beginning of the year saying what was and was not acceptable.

sopranokitty

On the roommate agreement form at my college, there's a part where the RA asks whether there's a specific time you or roommate would like to have the room to themselves for any reason, and if you or your roommate agree to that request.

hinge47

Hey romanigypsyeyes and sopranokitty - those are good examples. What schools are those?

icedragon

Most dorms at schools have a "roommate agreement" type policy thing you fill out at the beginging of the semester (mine did). That way if a problem did occur the RA would be able to take care of it easier.

RoxSox

There was a roommate agreement form at my school too but no one really followed it or cared about those. I think it's kind of like you don't HAVE to be sexiled (there were a few times when my roommate wanted me to leave but I had just gotten back from being out for several hours and I just said no, she was ****ed but I didn't care...I left most of the times she asked me though) but it's general common courtesy. You leave for a while, and your roommate will leave for a while when you want them to. A roommate who would never leave would probably be considered pretty inconsiderate, but within their rights I suppose.

hinge47

I guess I'm surprised there aren't more schools that say explicitly "XYZ behavior is prohibited." I shouldn't be surprised, I suppose. When I was in school 30 years ago, they pretty much let us do anything as long as no one ended up in the hospital.

romanigypsyeyes

Why should they? College students are adults and they can work it out themselves. We don't need more regulation by the colleges.

My roommate and I have lived together for a few years. My boyfriend joined the fray this year. Last year, we worked out our "schedules" just fine because we're mature adults and we act like it.

sopranokitty

@ hinge47: If you look under my username, you'll see that my current location is UC Davis.

Luckily, I've never been sexiled. My former roommate's boyfriend lived 8 hours away (roommate went back home due to personal issues, though), and my current roommate said she was asexual and has no interest in getting a relationship.

Emaheevul07

My school, umich, didn't have roommate agreements. The only policy was that you needed roommate consent for overnight guests, which is hard to enforce because nobody wants to be the witch that goes and tattles over something that isn't necessarily that big of a deal even though it's disrespectful. My roommate was single, I was not, but I never asked her to leave the room. We agreed, she however reluctantly, not to have opposite sex overnight guests unless the roommate already had plans elsewhere for the night or if it was an emergency.... stranded due to blizzard, etc. We had a very, very tense year over this issue.

redrockets55

My roommate never gets any so I don't have to worry about him needing the room. But whenever I'm on my way back with a girl I just text him that I need to room and he goes to the lounge or to his friends room for a while. If the girl wants to send the night thats up to me and her. We're not going to do anything with him 5 feet away so I can't see why he would care about that. We're guys and we're in college, we can figure it out. If the day ever came when he needed the room I would be more than happy to help him out and take off for a bit.

glassesarechic

This. I usually leave when my roommate asks, but if it's three in the morning and I'm falling asleep, the answer will be no.

lullabies

We just have roommate agreements that we sign basically saying that if you have any problems with your roommate you talk to your roommate about it first and try to negotitate.

Meanwhile I have been sexiled SO many times. She also brings her bf over to sleep every night and never asked me. I let it slide because they're quiet and it's courtesy because if I ever wanted the room to myself I'd hope for the same respect in return.

But I'm in a LDR and the one day my bf stayed over (I asked, by the way), they decide to sleep in the room. Mind you, usually she sleeps over HIS room since I told her I'm not all too comfortable with it (I wake up to them making out sometimes... not comfortable). So I asked her to leave because for God's sake, I haven't seen my boyfriend in months. She goes "but it's my room too! You have a guest, why can't I?"

are you kidding? I no longer let her have the room to herself and she can't force me to leave, either. She just has to suck it up and hate me.

Leo2400

I usually never did it in my dorm room, it could get very noisy. My girlfriend and I would go to a different building and then not disturb our roommates.

Lily2015

Same as most others, our RAs have us sign an agreement at the beginning of the year. My roommate was in a long distance relationship and whenever her boyfriend spent the night, we'd take turns with the room (one night I got it and one night they got it). We could trade because we also had a common room with a futon.

I think I only kicked her out for the night once. The other times she was either away from school or usually I spent the night at the guy's place. It worked out well.