I am struggling to push myself through college. I'm at the point where if I don't succeed this time I am going to have give up and admit that school is not what I should be doing.
I left for college to study music composition for film when I was 17 years old. I had an impressive SAT score, excellent grades in all AP courses, and a long list of extracurricular activities that made my applications really standout. I had no problem getting into school, and was even awarded a substantial merit based scholarship, which I happily accepted, as the school that I was to attend would otherwise be way out of my price range.
I am now 22 years old and still 45 credits shy of my BA. When I was away at school I became overwhelmed and was unable to organize my life in a way that would allow me to succeed in my studies. The increased pressures coming from me in every direction caused me extreme anxiety, and I ended up retreating, neglecting my studies, and focusing instead solely on scoring student films. I would justify this by telling myself that "this is what I came to school for" and "this is the type of thing I SHOULD be learning anyway". Halfway through each semester I would get to this point and would stop attending my classes one by one. I would even stop leaving my dorm room altogether, hiding in there for weeks at a time, only ever leaving to buy food. I soon lost my scholarship and was forced to take out huge loans, some of which, I am not proud to admit, I had my mother co-sign for me.
After several years of this it was time to throw in the towel. I returned home and transferred to an online school. My mother brought me to a series of psychologists. I was soon diagnosed with frontal alpha ADHD coupled with Avoidance Personality Disorder and Addictive Personality Disorder, all of which culminated into a deep depression. The reason that these issues had failed to be recognized in high school was that I was more easily able to compensate for them, being of higher than average intelligence, however with the additional effort required at the university level it hit all at once, and I went a little insane.
Fast forward to today where I am living at home, enrolled in a full time course load, working a full forty hours a week, and regularly seeing my psychologist, receiving neurofeedback therapy. I have made good progress according to my psychologist, but am currently in a crisis. Working a full time job and attempting a full time course load has been exhausting, and I have fallen behind on several occasions throughout the semester. I am registered with the disabilities department at my school and have communicated this to my professors, who have graciously granted me extended time on my work in the past, however I feel that I may have exhausted the last of their patience.
It is the second to last day of the semester and I have finished all of my classes except for two that I have fallen extremely far behind in. I have not communicated with these professors whatsoever for about a month now, and there is no realistic way for me to finish these assignments before the end of the semester. I am ashamed for not communicating with them, and afraid of the possibility of them simply not accepting my work. I recognize that I need to e-mail them in order to discuss my options, however I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I discussed this with my psychologist, and he seemed to have faith that I would be able to do it, but I'm not so sure, as two days have gone by since our last session together, and I still haven't done it.
What I would like is some insight or advice from somebody who has been in a similar situation before. I desperately need to finish this semester completely, otherwise I fear that my parents are going to kick me out of the house, which I can understand and accept, however with all of this student loan debt I don't know what I will do. I am especially interested in what you feel the likelihood of the professors accepting my plea is and what I should do to better my chances.
I know that was a lot of text, but I felt that the background information was important. Thank you.