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Dealing with roommates.

ExaltedAlmightyExaltedAlmighty Posts: 58Registered User Junior Member
edited September 2012 in College Life
Okay, so I just moved into an on campus suite with three other roommates. I get along with all of them pretty well. The third one is cool, but kind of a pain. I keep waking up at 3am to loud talking, no alcohol or partying, literally just talking every other weeknight. I go out there and be like, "Hey, would you guys chill a little bit? Kinda' late," really nicely, then they apologize profusely, quiet down, then gradually get louder again. Whatever, a loud fan fixes that. So now I've been dealing with a sink full of dishes full of rotting food. Again, I mention it, and I get apologies and no solutions. There's a bunch of other annoying little crap that by themselves aren't so bad.

Lately, I've been opening up the fridge to have it overflowing with beer. (Sounds awesome, right?) Occasionally there's empty cans all over the counter. The only problem is that this is a dry campus, and the gestapo who work for the university have a tendency to come in for whatever random reason. If they catch alcohol in the shared suite, I get a school record. That's usually not a big deal, but I work my ass off studying all day every day so I can go to a top law school. Something like that is pretty likely to screw that up. I have no problem with drinking. It ****es me off that we can't drink at the age of 21, but it is what it is.

This is all the same one out of four roommates, by the way. How do I deal with this?
Post edited by ExaltedAlmighty on

Replies to: Dealing with roommates.

  • ExaltedAlmightyExaltedAlmighty Posts: 58Registered User Junior Member
    Oh, the talking at night is while me and the other two roommates are trying to sleep.^ This is that one roommate with friends.
  • ExaltedAlmightyExaltedAlmighty Posts: 58Registered User Junior Member
    Okay, ***? I came back today, and this rm was with a couple of friends. Apparently I'm the /other/ roommate. I guess because I'm the only one with a backbone enough to nicely say something? I'm going to start cussing out this ***** and make it known I'm not a ****ing fifth year criminal justice major that has time for this stupid ********.
  • ScutrulesScutrules Posts: 347Registered User Member
    Discuss your problems with your RA and see if they can mediate a conversion between you and your roommates. Definitely do something about the beer situation and you can be charged just as much as your other roommates if caught. Since you know about it, you are an accomplice to the crime. Take care of it all now because it won't stop by itself and you'll just continue to be angry about it.
  • ExaltedAlmightyExaltedAlmighty Posts: 58Registered User Junior Member
    Discuss your problems with your RA and see if they can mediate a conversion between you and your roommates. Definitely do something about the beer situation and you can be charged just as much as your other roommates if caught. Since you know about it, you are an accomplice to the crime. Take care of it all now because it won't stop by itself and you'll just continue to be angry about it.

    I'm against being a tattle tell unless they do something directly to me. I know this one rm is doing **** indirectly against me, but I have a problem with reporting people for stuff like that. It's against my morals and my Family. If I go to the RA about the beer, it's just tattling since they have to report. The problem is, though, I couldn't get a room change unless the problems are big, like the beer. I don't want to be the one who had to switch, anyway.

    I'm tempted to become the rm from hell just for this pita to leave. I don't have an issue with the other two right now.
  • AUGirlAUGirl Posts: 2,863Registered User Senior Member
    The alcohol thing sucks. I don't drink and really don't care if others do it, but I did have a roommate who kept wine in our room last year. Had we been caught last year with it, I would have had to pay a $50 fine and that was basically it.

    This year, they changed it and said if they find you with alcohol, it's a $250 fine, you have to call your parents and tell them what happened, you lose football tickets for the season, and I think you have to go through Alcohol courses. Needless to say, I'm really happy to not have a roommate who drinks this year simply because I don't want the stuff in the apartment.

    You might find that you'd be much happier in a new living situation. I have a lot of friends who switched dorms last year and it usually ended up improving their living situations.
  • StoneMagicStoneMagic Posts: 365Registered User Member
    I get not wanting to rat out you roomies, but we're talking about jeopordizing YOUR future here. You need to be proactive about it, though I'm not sure an RA has the maturity to keep it confidential, as you don't want your roomate to find out you turned them in. Does your school have a way to talk to someone in charge anonymously? Is there someone whose confidence you can trust to discuss the situation with?

    Another option is to just say you are a very serious studier who prefers quiet, and you need a certain amount of sleep - your roomie is more of a night owl who likes to entertain (notice I didn't mention the beers). You don't have anything against them, but it isn't working out...
  • ExaltedAlmightyExaltedAlmighty Posts: 58Registered User Junior Member
    In my school, RAs were not allowed to even enter your room without your permission. Strange.

    Here, the landlord tenant act doesn't apply to university housing. It's not really the RA's, but we have security guards who walk around the hallway at night and specifically listen for sounds of people having fun, basically. They have master keys, and they do enter. I know the RA has a master key, but I don't know when they can use it. Hell, every maintenance guy in the building has a master key. I'm not kidding.
    I get not wanting to rat out you roomies, but we're talking about jeopordizing YOUR future here. You need to be proactive about it, though I'm not sure an RA has the maturity to keep it confidential, as you don't want your roomate to find out you turned them in. Does your school have a way to talk to someone in charge anonymously? Is there someone whose confidence you can trust to discuss the situation with?

    Another option is to just say you are a very serious studier who prefers quiet, and you need a certain amount of sleep - your roomie is more of a night owl who likes to entertain (notice I didn't mention the beers). You don't have anything against them, but it isn't working out...

    Guess I could just use one of my spam emails and shoot housing an email about it. Hope they don't insist on my student ID number and name. Not that it would do any good. I live in the apartment styles, which are in super high demand. I also live in a 4 person suite, which is rare in my building. Most of them are 2 person and it costs an extra $600. There's no way they're going to transfer me because I claim to be studious. I can try, but I doubt it.

    I think if I want beers to stop being in the ****ing suite fridge, I might have to start being a jerk and just swipe them. I've tried talking, and I know this retard doesn't want my other solution. A mini fridge isn't freaking expensive when you're dumb enough to work 30 hours a week while in school full time just to pay for your new car when you live and work on campus and use student loans for everything else.

    I hate when people act apologetic and passive aggressive when you confront them. If you have no plans on changing and literally do not care, just say it.
  • caemincaemin Posts: 781Registered User Member
    This is a good situation for the university ombudsman. The ombudsman is an administrator whose job is to act as a confidential resource for the entire campus community. She/he will listen, give advice, and tell you how to execute a plan of action once you decide on it. Not every campus has one, but mine does.

    In this case you'd be going to her/him for two reasons 1) the roommate conflict and 2) the inability for reslife to be responsive to your issues.
  • saman42saman42 Posts: 565Registered User Member
    Buddy, you need to calm down and stop trying to cuss on here because it all becomes asterisks anyways and just makes your posts look stupid.

    Honestly, I can see why you're the "other roommate" if you're so aggressive and tightly-wound and call people retards all the time.

    If you keep going like this, you probably won't have to do anything. One of them will likely request a room change.
  • ScutrulesScutrules Posts: 347Registered User Member
    Agree with Saman. You really need to calm down and quit complaining. We've given options and you shoot everything down, it honestly sounds like you're not even looking for advice. It's fine if you're not, just make it clear so we don't keep wasting time trying to help.

    Honestly, I wouldn't care what my roommates thought of me if they were doing something that was affecting my schoolwork. Doing something illegal is a different story entirely, and I would not take that lightly. If the room gets busted, you could have underage possession on your record even if you personally were not drinking. And you can't complain anonymously, that won't help remedy the situation. You need to man up and realize that you are here to earn a degree and that anything stopping you from doing so needs to be avoided or stopped immediately.

    Try making a roommate agreement for for y'all to sign, that way everyone will be clear on the expectations of the rest. If nothing works, get a 3rd party involved, they are trained to deal with such situations and can help you.
  • ExaltedAlmightyExaltedAlmighty Posts: 58Registered User Junior Member
    I'm not trying to come across as aggressive. The forums are pretty loose on what they filter, and you don't know until you type it out. I come from a university where swearing fills up every sentence. Not a good thing, but when you talk to so many people, it's a difficult habit to break.

    You probably haven't experienced it; Having one bad roommate is extremely frustrating. It has an effect on you when you wake up in the wee hours three out of five school nights. When your body spray suddenly stinks up the bathroom after that one roommate goes in there, then find a ton of it gone. When you're starting to notice food and drinks missing. When the both the sink and dishwasher are only full of one out of four people's dishes, and I put one little pizza cutter in the dishwasher, and it's back on the counter still dirty later. Which is another freaking thing all three of us complain about. Unfortunately, I'm the only one who wants to say something. The others will talk to me about it. Not that it matters. I try to start a discussion, and I get "Yeah, I do really apologize about that. I'll try to fix that," while staring at the PC screen all day. It never changes. It's enough to make any normal human being angry. It's even more frustrating when you're not used to dealing with passive-aggressiveness.

    I'm not trying to shoot down suggestions, but this is a complicated situation for me, which is why I posted on here. I want the alcohol situation to stop, but I can't in good morals make a report for it when I truly philosophically don't agree with the rule. I don't want them to get in serious trouble for having alcohol, because I think that would be wrong. I want them to get in trouble for being a ****ty roommate.

    I seriously appreciate Scut and the others for putting thought in this and trying to come up with a solution.
    Buddy, you need to calm down and stop trying to cuss on here because it all becomes asterisks anyways and just makes your posts look stupid.

    Honestly, I can see why you're the "other roommate" if you're so aggressive and tightly-wound and call people retards all the time.

    If you keep going like this, you probably won't have to do anything. One of them will likely request a room change.

    I haven't had any problems with the other two, which you might pick up on if you could read more effectively. You know what really looks stupid on forums? Short posts that add nothing meaningful to the actual thread.
  • hawkeyes55hawkeyes55 Posts: 56Registered User Junior Member
    Look, you have two options with the alcohol situation: you either report it to the school, or take the risk of keeping it in the fridge. There is no real middle ground. You claim you don't want to report it but also don't want to keep it, which pretty much means there isn't that much you can do. Maybe warn your roommates that if the alcohol
    isn't out by some date (say a week) you will report them? That way if they don't comply it is on them. I don't know what else to suggest.
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