My roommate's best friend is a criminal

DuckyCurtains · 10-04-2012, 09:13 AM

My roommate has her friend over a lot. Occasionally he stays the night (he takes the couch).
I never liked the guy, but I put up with it because my boyfriend is over a lot too.
Then recently she told me he was brought up on rape charges, and it was dropped to assault somehow and he went to jail for it. She insists he didn't really do it. I don't believe her.

I'm not comfortable having an accused rapist in my room. I don't want him over anymore. I guess I could deal with him being here during the day because I can just keep to myself, but I certainly don't want him here while I'm sleeping.

How do I bring this up with my roommate? Am I being unreasonable? I've never had a roommate before, so I don't really know how to handle it

jym626 · 10-04-2012, 09:26 AM

Holy moley. That is understandibly uncomfortable. Do you live in a dorm or an apt? If the former, you may want to talk to your RA for advice/guidance.

Pootie · 10-04-2012, 09:40 AM

Yes, like jym626 says, if you live in a dorm, I would encourage you to speak to your RA. This is a case where you might be able to move to a private dorm room if one is or becomes available.

thisislife · 10-04-2012, 09:57 AM

Yeah, it depends, I had a friend that got placed in a different room just because his roomate was annoying .

DuckyCurtains · 10-04-2012, 01:06 PM

The thing is I really like my roommate, just not he creepy, criminal best friend.
I don't want to move, I've had this apartment for years. I just him to not come over anymore.

HImom · 10-04-2012, 01:16 PM

You know what they say about "birds of a feather, flock together." If this person is the BEST FRIEND of your roomie, would re-think whether it's a good idea for you to remain roomies. I honestly would NOT want anyone who spent time in jail for an assault or sex crime in my living quarters AT ALL. Since you live in an apartment, do you have an RA? Are you on good terms with the apartment manager?

I suspect any efforts you make to have your best friend not had creepy friend around will upset/annoy both of them, but honestly it would make me very uncomfortable having creepy friend around AT ALL. Sorry, I feel for you but don't have any good ideas about how to just get creepy friend away without upsetting roomie & creepy friend.

DuckyCurtains · 10-04-2012, 07:47 PM

I do have an RA but she's minimally involved with us because I have a very weird housing situation (long story).
I decided to take my chances and tell my roommate I don't want him around.
Basically I got a long winded explanation about how it was totally false charges and he could never, ever do something like that etc.
She did however see my point, especially in light of me having PTSD, and agreed not to have him over anymore. Hopefully that's the end of it.

DuckyCurtains · 10-04-2012, 09:33 PM

Ok, now she's saying he gets really depressed because of all his parole restrctions (umm, I don't care?) and getting away to hang out with her makes him happy and she doesn't want to take that away from him so she wants him over. I said no.

I also told her if he comes back she will have to find new living arrangements since this is my apartment. :/ Awkward.

cptofthehouse · 10-04-2012, 09:40 PM

If you can confirm that he is a convicted felon/sex offender, you should report this to your RA and whoever is in charge of the residence halls so that he is banned around there.

IMO any convicted felon upon release, has to take it slow and easy in gaining acceptance from others. Personally, I am willing to go the acceptance route as I feel that even those who did commit the crime and done the time need to return to society , but I would also be extra attentive around such a person and take extra pre cautions for a long time.

spectastic · 10-04-2012, 10:40 PM

well that kind of sucks...

Quote:

Then recently she told me he was brought up on rape charges, and it was dropped to assault somehow and he went to jail for it. She insists he didn't really do it.

Do what? Also, didn't REALLY do it, or DIDN'T do it???

DuckyCurtains · 10-04-2012, 10:56 PM

Update! She agreed to tell him not to come over anymore.
His response was that now he's afraid of me because I could blow his parole by saying something (saying what? I don't know). He said if I don't trust him he doesn't trust me etc. His tone on the phone became really nasty, and he said he'd sue me if I tried to get him in trouble.

He also said that because I could get him in trouble he doesn't want to be around me anymore. Works for me.

DuckyCurtains · 10-04-2012, 10:59 PM

spectastic - My wording tends to be a little weird.

There's a reason I was in remedial english.
She said maybe he verbally harassed the girl he was accused of raping, but she thinks he didn't physically touch the girl. Does that make more sense?
According to the courts/registry he was convicted of sexual assualt

HImom · 10-04-2012, 11:33 PM

Good luck, DuckyCurtains. Try to avoid being alone with this creepy friend. You can only do your best. Take care!

thisislife · 10-05-2012, 12:53 AM

" she agreed to not let him come here anymore:- you said something like that .

I guarantee you this will NOT be the end of it . If he's making you feel uncomfortable, then you need to get rid of your roommate . Period

DuckyCurtains · 10-05-2012, 01:06 AM

If she brings him back, I'll report it to housing and she'll have to move.
Housing doesn't allow me to move around, I'm assigned to this apartment until I leave school. So if she doesn't follow through then she'll have to move and I told her that.
I'm going to meet with housing tomorrow I think, so if it comes back up they're informed