Am I being selfish? (Wedding) - Page 2

romanigypsyeyes · 10-11-2012, 03:46 PM

No one sits on their death bed and says "boy, I really wish I wouldn't have missed that class!" Just something to think about.

Also, holidays and such are nice but they're so rare and you always have to make choices. Do I go with this side of the family or that? What if work interferes? Etc. IMO, these are the opportunities that should be taken advantage of. Maybe it's just because I'm on borrowed time with my parents (they both had injuries/illnesses that SHOULD have killed them) but I am grateful for all the time I can spend with my extended family.

spectastic · 10-11-2012, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Boy, I disagree. That is what family is for... to witness and celebrate your big events in life. I think that is more important than seeing them at the holidays that happen every year (although those are also great opportunities to reconnect). So things that (hopefully) only happen once like weddings, graduations, etc. are important. Just like standing with your family when something bad happens is important. Families are people whose presence will long outstrip almost every other person or activity in your life.

ok, you're right. Better to take advise from someone with experience on this. My extended family is overseas. I missed basically everything since I was 9, and my parents aren't exactly level minded when it comes to family matter. I guess this is something I'm just used to. Last time I went back was 07, and I had a really hard time leaving.

Papertown · 10-11-2012, 06:34 PM

I think some are getting a little too into the "Put family first!" perspective. First of all, this is a cousin, not a parent or a sibling. Not that a cousin isn't important, but OP doesn't mention being particularly close to her. Also, it's a wedding. Weddings are typically huge events, and while I'm sure OP will be missed, it's not like the bride won't have anyone there to celebrate her special day. Usually at least a few people on the guest list have to decline a wedding invitation anyway. Our lives are busy, and we can't be at every family member's wedding, graduation, and birthday party. It's not like the OP is going to start skipping all family events just because she has to sit this one out.

Honestly, it's up to you to determine whether or not you'll be able to miss class. It's sort of unclear when this wedding is - is it in the middle of midterm week? Before? After? How long will it take you to get to and from the place of the wedding? Are you driving or flying? Can you afford the time and the money? If you've considered those things and decided that it'll be too stressful to go, then you're not being selfish. You're sacrificing a lot for your college career, and it's going to affect your future, so sometimes it needs to be given the first priority. That doesn't mean you don't care about family.

Also, MassMomm's advice was spot on. Despite her acting like a horrid bridezilla, it'd be a good idea to still send a gift and a card and apologize for not being able to attend.

EnglishMajor3305 · 10-11-2012, 10:12 PM

Thanks to everyone for the replies!

I hope people don't get the wrong impression from my post. I understand weddings can be big events and missing a lecture shouldn't be a big deal. But I failed to mention that I am on a full scholarship and must maintain a certain GPA to keep it. I don't want to risk something as important as that.

Despite that, she still doesn't understand. I tried calling her to see if we could have a civilized conversation about it, but she won't answer my calls. I tried to work my schedule around it, but there's really no way I could. The wedding is a 3 hour plane flight away.

I understand I may be acting a bit selfish and immature, but my scholarship is important to me.

Katie

valeas · 10-11-2012, 11:07 PM

Depends if you can take the test later. if you can, go!

Massmomm · 10-12-2012, 07:50 AM

"No one sits on their death bed and says 'boy, I really wish I wouldn't have missed that class!'"

Especially not an English major. An English major would say, "Boy, I really wish I hadn't missed that class!"

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

ladeeda6 · 10-12-2012, 08:03 AM

I don't see what the big deal. It's a wedding. No one died. Np one's sick and Thanksgiving is right around the corner. While I think being all "school, school, school" all the time is incredibly naive, I don't think it's immature not wanting to miss the lecture before an exam. In my experience any, that's the best time to be there other than the actual exam date. Most professors I've had always throw out a nugget of info regarding the exam that day.

If it is on the weekend, go if you can afford it. A 6 hour trip isn't great, but you can study on the plane.

lookingforward · 10-12-2012, 09:19 AM

It's ok to just make the best decision you can.
And, ideally, to try to forgive her outburst, show what suppport you can and move forward.

It's true family is important and often trumps ordinary situations. But, I don't think this is an ordinary situation. You are in the midst of a commitment to college, with the need to keep grades up. And oos. You said you spoke with profs and they aren't willing to bend. Your reason for missing the event is not frivolous.

DH's extended family is very close. We couldn't take our college girls to a wedding during 1st semester midterms, last year. The family missed them, wanted to talk about them- but they understood. Good luck. Maybe things will change and your schedule next spring will work out.

EnglishMajor3305 · 10-12-2012, 09:28 AM

Massmomm:

That is the cutest response ever! I love it!

lookingforward:

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who would choose academics over a wedding. It was a hard decision, but I know it was the right one.

Katie

CalDud · 10-12-2012, 11:06 AM

Family is important, but I personally don't think weddings are a big deal. I agree with someone else in this thread that you should not give a reason why and before something big like this...never say you'll make it and then don't. People don't want to be lied to. There's a lot of planning that goes on in a wedding.

SimpleRules · 10-12-2012, 11:25 AM

You're doing the right thing EnglishMajor - long ago I was pressured into the 'family first' routine, caused a lot of trouble for myself academically and only got a lukewarm response for my extraordinary effort. It doesn't sound like the cousin would appreciate your sacrifice - so I'm glad you aren't making it.

50ishwoman · 10-12-2012, 11:27 AM

I'm one of those people who always went to weddings and sent expensive gifts. 90% of the weddings ended in divorce. Given your relative's immature attitude and disrespect to her guests (you) I would surmise her marriage will end in divorce also. She doesn't seem to be a gracious and forgiving person. Therefore, I suggest you attend class. You have repeatedly tried to apologize but she is not accepting your calls. She needs to grow up.

spectastic · 10-12-2012, 05:26 PM

Quote:

90% of the weddings ended in divorce. Given your relative's immature attitude and disrespect to her guests (you) I would surmise her marriage will end in divorce also. She doesn't seem to be a gracious and forgiving person.

I was thinking it too, but didn't have the balls to post it. She sounds like a tyrant; I feel bad for the guy, honestly.

Vanechka · 10-12-2012, 11:55 PM

This is not for another semester, correct? Is it not possible that you would actually be free to attend it, since I am assuming you will have a completely different set of professors and have no idea what exactly your midterm schedule will look like?

Meburi · 10-13-2012, 12:31 AM

90% is a bit too far...