asianamericanson

The part where you say "This is Darwinism at work" doesn't make any sense. Actually you probably want to keep Darwinism out of the equation because rape is actually quite effective at propagating one's genes--it's just plain immoral.

I'd say meet the owner again, see what you think, ask around, talk to your parents, and then make your decision. Don't just assume that since he's a single man he's some sort of sicko waiting for an opportunity. I'd like to think, if I had a female roommate, I would be respectful. But I'm sure you'll keep in mind that this may not be the best idea in the world.

ExaltedAlmighty

It's still parallel to the mushroom example. Being haplessly naive is just plain dumb for any excuse, and if you do it enough, you will win the Darwin Award. In this case, it just so happens that rape or voyeurism is the concern here, which isn't necessarily deadly. And it's pretty far from guaranteed. I'm just saying, he's likely going to want sex from the OP, and OP isn't likely to want sex from him. That's not an awesome living arrangement whether stuff happens or not. The desire might seem perverted and definitely creepy, but you're fooling yourself if you think him being a seemingly great guy will turn his drive off.

As far as rape in Darwinism, it's not genetically ideal for the woman to be raped, only for the man. A man can be unsuccessful, hideous, lazy, or barely stronger than the woman and accomplish rape.

asianamericanson

I think your view of humans is flawed. It's not like the guy is some animal in heat and his brain chemicals will force him to be a perv. Granted, He is a sexual creature, but that doesn't mean he's going to act or even grotesquely think in at sexual manner. We have free will and sometimes we choose to act and not think in ways that we know are wrong. I mean, I'd like to beat the crap out of the guy who stole my ipod last month, heck, I'd like to fantasize about beating him up and getting my ipod back but that doesn't mean I would ACTUALLY do something like that and I ACTIVELY choose not to think in a vengeful manner even though its appealing. People can still choose to be persons of integrity, despite whatever impulses (granted, strong ones) "force" them to do.

aunt bea

Lithze: I am a parent of 2 college girls-ages 18 and 22. I also have a son who is 17. My answer to you is NO. As a MOM, I am very uncomfortable with your situation. Yes he could be a decent human being, but don't you think that there is a reason that this great place is available? Please listen to your parents: PLEASE DO NOT LIVE THERE. Although you are an adult, if you move there, you will be in a very susceptible and manipulative situation. Because he owns the place, he runs the place; this means his rules and only his rules. As a parent, I have to run through a number of scenarios. This situation just does not sound right. He probably would not let you have an additional female roommate. Please look for something else.

ExaltedAlmighty

I don't think it has to do with my view of humans. I think people are essentially good. I also don't think that his wants or chemistry is going to force him to do anything. You're a good person because you choose not to act, meaning the alternative is possible.

I've known more than a couple of girls in my life who've been raped or otherwise taken advantage of. One in four chicks are going to get raped before graduating. I'm huge on not changing your life up because of fear. When I'm staying at home in the summer, if I feel like taking my dog out at night, then I do it. But I still watch my back because it's common sense. The vast majority of guys aren't going to rape, but if you're a chick, you wouldn't do stuff like go to a party alone or leave your drink unattended if you didn't want to get raped. The world isn't bad, but it also isn't perfect. I'm not even saying she's absolutely going to get raped. I'm just saying she's creating a ton of sexual tension for a guy she probably would never want and is living with. Plus, the room is open this late in the semester, perfect, and it's cheap as hell. Yeah, it could just be hurr durr, but, I mean, come on.

Vladenschlutte

Okay, really, it's extremely likely that it's a perfectly safe place to live, probably safer than living with another guy your own age in fact. If you choose not to live there, don't let it be because of ExaltedAlmighty's scare tactics.

turtlerock

^Uh, you are/did. Legally, 'single' is a marital status. If you aren't trying to judge him by his marital status, then you should probably stop referring to him each time as 'single man' . . . just 'man' would do.

Personally, 2. My wife and I married each other at ages 21 and 20, respectively.

Don't quit your day job: for the record, I'm a dude.

I think the OP is asking just about these very things: what to ask and how to go about doing things with this individual to leave as little asymmetric information as possible between her and the owner. I never said to move in no questions asked, but rather to get enough info before the OP might be comfortable with that living arrangement. Asking the sorts of questions that have been advised here can directly answer some of those hypotheses - and of course looking to external sources (campus, references) instead of just taking his word.

Anyway, to answer ExaltedAlimighty directly, you did to me exactly what I'm warning against in the OP's situation: judging based on pretense (an anonymous online identity). You suggest that a) there is a possibility that I may not know someone that has been married at a certain age and b) that I am not a guy, when in reality I a) personally married at specified age and b) am a guy (you had about a 50/50 with that one, at least). Sometimes, jumping to conclusions only gets you to one place: your conclusion.

ExaltedAlmighty

Throughout this, I'm just trying to say it's an unlikely, but totally unpredictable scenario. It's a bad idea, and I'm only invested in this because I had a female relative who was spied on. There are entire sites dedicated to voyeurism. She was 19 and the guy was 40. She's an adult, and I don't need to use "SC4R3 T4C71C5 OMGZ."

Still way off point. The guy's single, and I don't have a problem with singles (No crap, I'm single). The point is, made more than a few times, if he's a normal guy, he's going to have a thing for the OP. He doesn't have a woman living there who can regularly take care of his needs or create serious consequences if he acts.

Exactly. You're still way off base. I know three out of a dozens of people in the 18-25 range at least. , People don't get married that young. It's still not a special, impossible feat. Point is, your statistic includes too may ages, and doesn't mean squat here anyway.

And I'm just trying to say, it's not the best arrangement. Even if the dude is totally awesome, nice, and completely respectful, you're dangling meat in front of his face. He can be a saint, but there's still going to be one-sided tension, and that's at best. If OP wants to move in, then whatever. All I'm doing is putting it out there.

turtlerock

You're still jumping to conclusions - this one would be that he's heterosexual. What if he lives alone currently because he's a gay man and cannot legally get married, but has a boyfriend whom he hasn't advanced the relationship enough to live with? In that case it wouldn't be "meat in front of his face".

See point above.

Technically, it's not my statistic, it's the US Census Bureau's which I read about in the local paper. If the US Census Bureau clumps 18-29y/o together in their analysis, then so be it. The "point" is that if 1/5 of 18-29 y/o aren't married, then it's not like that ratio jumps to fill the extra 4/5 within a 10 year age difference, so chances are that (and I haven't officially looked this one up, but I'm using some statistical deductive reasoning here) not an overwhelming percentage of 40-somethings are married, thus not making his single status abnormal. He could also be divorced, and that may not have fit into your conclusions either.

ExaltedAlmighty

And you're still making really lame, specific excuses. The chance of him being gay is less than 4%, while the chance of her being raped in her college career is 25%. That's from the DoJ and can be found here: One In Four Women Will Be Raped Before Graduating College
And more directly here: One In Four Women Will Be Raped Before Graduating College

I don't care what you sit there and work out in your little mind everything could be, because it's always possible. But ignoring what else it could be and err on convenience is just retarded.

Seriously, who cares? It isn't suddenly relevant to the thread. I told you how him being single mattered. Everybody could be single, and I don't care. I could tell you that most people in his age range actually are married and pull up a statistic, then point out the fact you pulled that "probably" out of your ass, but then I'd get more inane statistics and ramblings in an argument that doesn't even matter.

turtlerock

-.- Because ExaltedAlmighty is one of those individuals who already has his/her mind made-up/decided . . .
OP, if you agree with this (especially the particular about the 4% possibility of the man being gay), then heed the included warning and drop the living arrangement before even investigating, asking questions, or considering the actual circumstances. /sarcasm

OP, I hope it has remained obvious that ExaltedAlmighty has ignored a lot of things. I also find it interesting that for someone who comes off as taking the issue of rape so seriously would also, nearly in the same breath, use 'retarded' as an abrasive adjective and not find any offense. To each his/her own, I suppose.

Let it be known to the OP, and to the rest of the thread and the online CC community, that ExaltedAlmighty cares enough to keep responding about the man-in-question's marital status. If he/she didn't, then he/she should have dropped it by now.

I would take the hint that ExaltedAlmighty is the type to always attempt to have the last word in, proving to him/herself to his/her dying breath. This very thing will be proven when (not if) ExaltedAlmighty responds to this same thread. (Hint to ExaltedAlmighty: please prove me wrong).

OP, it seems you have some very good starting point to consider if/when you've met with this man. You should have a much clearer idea where this individual is coming from at that point and you can decide then if the situation looks like it is leaning in any direction that we've offered up here (perv vs . . . someting else . . .). Always remember: if you're not comfortable, then don't do it. Best of luck.

ExaltedAlmighty

Says the poor guy who keeps responding and has derailed the topic altogether and decided to make this a personal feces-fest. Your post barely even covers the actual question, man! Are you mad because I said your statistic didn't matter? It's okay, Turtle; It's really important to note that a lot of people aren't married. =)
Woah, now that you put it that way, what was I thinking?

Eh, I have a lot of stuff I'm distracting myself from doing. I think I'll keep distracting. You make it fun.

momtotwins

I would listen to Aunt Bea. Don't live there. The downside risk is too great to compensate for the lower rent. Especially if your parents are paying. If they don't mind paying extra for you to live elsewhere - why not live in a more traditional setting with girls your own age. This guy could be and likely is perfectly fine - but just in the small chance he is not - it is not worth the risk for saving a few bucks. It would probably be more fun living with a few girls your own age anyway - You would likely be interested in more of the same types of things than a person - male or female - twice your age.

bbccpp

Not worth the 2.37 % chance of a problem. Interview won't help decipher.

worriedmom777

I agree that you should be very careful with this kind of arrangement. There is a high chance that this person is okay, but if thing go wrong you will be hurt for the rest of your life. You will never be the same again and have a hard time trusting anybody.

Could you take a parent along when you meet this person for the first time? Or a young man whom you can introduce as your boyfriend?