| Dysphoria
Alright so I'm an undergraduate male at a Big 10 university
I really like the school and most of the people here so that is not the problem
You see, throughout my whole schooling life I have had a general lack of motivation. Even if the course material interested me, it really didn't make a difference. Throwing humility aside, I'm in the 99.4th percentile in IQ (140). This is not super genius level like Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg but it would be the next tier. Anyways, because of this I was able to cruise through with no problems and get into a good uni. The first 2 and a half months at college I've been generally doing the same thing. I skip class a few times per week, never study unless its the day before a test, and BS most of my homework just to get credit (or don't do it at all in my foreign language class). Unlike in high school, this is not going to get me A's/A-'s. In my 3 classes, I am looking at an AB/B in my math class, AB in my programming class, and a C in my foreign language.
But it is not the grades that is really affecting me. In fact, I care very little about the grades I get in college. My belief was that once I finally had a programming and higher math class I would finally be motivated to work hard in school. So far this is not the case. I think there's just something about being expected to do something that turns me off. I really enjoy programming on my own, but when the professor gives a programming assignment I can't help but hate being in the class. And since I have felt like this my whole life, there is generally no hope of it ever changing.
I'm going to register for classes in about a week, and I don't know what to do. Should I just keep the bare minimum classes required for my major (CS) to allow myself more time to work independently? The problem is, even despite my relatively light load this semester, I find it hard to devote myself to programming independently. I can't stay focused on a personal project (even though I like it) for very long because I always have my actual course work on my mind. Am I just a lazy pos or is organized schooling not for me? I feel like I would be taking too many risks and missing out on too much if I dropped out...
Any suggestions?
I know this post was a bit rambly and I probably skipped over a detail or two so don't be afraid to ask for clarification.
thanks
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