screwediam

Im an international freshman in college. Its friday night and I have got nothing to do! Its been 2.5 months now and i don't really seem to have any friends. Although Im very close to my roommate in the sense that whenever Im sad, I talk to her and she always consoles me. I must mention here that she too is pretty much friendless. She too is international (but not from my country) but she did her high school from US and had many american friends in her HS.
Anyway, I do have a couple of friends that I made from class projects. And while we are working on the project, we have a great time and lots of fun! But we never hang out besides those group meetings. I'm international so initially I used to be very reserved and shy. Sometimes when people used to smile at me, I used to look away out of sheer nervousness. I guess it makes a lot of people think that I'm cold. But what do i do now to make amends for all that i screwed up! I must mention here that now i have changed a lot and have improved a lot on my social skills. And I do have acquaintances but I have no one to go out with on fridays! and that feels terrible.
can anyone tell me whether its possible to make friends the second semester or was the first semester the last chance to make friends? Is freshman year the last chance to make friends in college?

intparent

It is not the last chance! Here are some things to try:

- Have you joined any clubs on campus? Try to find a couple that interest you. If they have events coming up, sign up to help organize, etc. Sharing work is a great way to meet people.
- Are there opportunities to volunteer through any organization on campus? If the other volunteers are students, you might meet some people that way.
- You could try baking something in the dorm if you have a kitchen. Desserts are especially well received by other students.
- You and your roommate could try playing games in the common area. Pick a game more than one person can play (cards, or if there are board games there). If there are board games you don't know how to play (because you are international), ask other students hanging out there to teach you. I know my kids would love to teach someone to play "Apples to Apples" or something like that.
- Leave your dorm room door open with music playing while you are hanging out. Sometimes people will come in to chat.
- I definitely made new friends after freshman year. Partly because of moving to different housing locations where different people lives. And I got to know people in my major better (since we had more classes together).
- You do need to work on asking people about their plans when you get to know them in clubs or via study groups. If your study group meets right before lunch or dinner, ask them what they are doing for the meal and see if you can go along.
- If your campus has any "theme housing" that you are interested in, look into moving there next year. Then you more natually have something in common with those people that you may not have with a random dorm group.
- Do you have a job on campus? If not, that is another way to meet people (depending on the job). You can even bond over the "fun" of working together in campus food service.

SingDanceRunLife

No.

For the most part, people I hung out with freshman year are NOT the same as the people I hang out with now (senior year).

screwediam

Thank you so much for the help! It means a lot, considering the situation I'm in right now!

And I'm trying to do my part so my only concern is if i'll get something out of my efforts or not. Im worried if my second semester will bring some change or not. Have I missed the "first-month-opportunity" when everybody is eager to make friends? I really really really hope not :-/

piftw

I barely see the friends I made freshman year. I made much better friends my sophomore year and found a good group of people this year (my junior year). We'll see what senior year has in store for me too!

stradmom

My D, now a junior, barely interacts with her friends from freshman year. She's gathered a more mature and supportive group of people than those who happened to be around during her first semester. One thing she did was to join a couple of groups on campus, but some of it simply came from being with other people in classes etc. I'm sure things will pick up for you soon!

ThisMortalSoil

Made very few friends freshman year. Made some great ones second year. Making some great ones in my third year.

I think it gets better as you continue to be honest. You start taking more major/concentration-oriented classes that are smaller and generally more conducive to meeting folks. You start finding the groups you really wanna stay involved in and meet people through those.

I know how you feel OP, when I was a freshman I commuted and I seriously felt like I was gonna go through college friendless. Now I go out almost every weekend (or at least have someone to do something with most of the time) and usually get a beer with a couple friends on Thursday evenings.

screwediam

wow! thanks guys! I feel so much better!

Thank You so much! Any other help would be very much appreciated because its always comforting to have someone tell you that things are gonna get better, especially if whatever they say is backed by personal experiences because then you know that if it worked for them, it can work for you too!

cortana431

Try and look for other international students, especially from your country and if there are clubs heavily populated by them. At my school at least most of the international students tend to stick together.

SadHippo

By no means is freshman year your last year to make friends. I do not know where this thought came from. You will most certainly have plenty of opportunity to make friends. I am a sophomore right now and I have made plenty more friends than I did during my freshman year. It's also easier to make friends in your major as you progress through the school years because your classes will get smaller as you get more specefic and you will see some of the same people in multiple classes which will make it easier to make friends. I'm not an international student but I have some international friends. I'd say that nobody is going to judge you so just be yourself and the fact that you are international shouldn't matter (if it is a problem with anyone then that person is not a friend!). I will say that the number one way to make friends is to join an organization. Being united with people who have a common interest is good. Certain organizations are easier to make friends in than others. Maybe try to find one that promotes interaction among students. For example, I'm a math major and I joined math club and it has zero interaction and I haven't made any friends. It has guest speakers which is good enough for me but I will never make friends in this organization...nobody in the club cares about anyone else (it's hard enough to make friends with math students in general). I would like to add that I just recently joined my university's black student alliance and I've made friends almost non-stop. This organization is good because it promotes interaction. What is ironic about this is that I'm not even black. I'm full white and I'm the only person in this university organization of 200 people that isn't black. I think that with this particular experience I can maybe relate to your experience of being an international student. I stand out SO much when I am at the meetings and feel slightly out of place but I've made at least 5 new friends every meeting since I've joined and I'm glad to be in the organization. If I can make friends like this then you should recognize that regardless of the situation, you are always able to make friends and you shouldn't ever think that you can't make friends. You can't sit back and hope that people will come to you to be friends, though. You have to go out and get things done. There are a ton of other people like you who are struggling to make friends and are shy so you are far from alone. These people would all be glad if someone like you approached them and became friends so don't be shy

screwediam

Cortana431:
May be you should try figuring out WHY international students stick together. They obviously didn't come thousands of miles away from their home to be an excluded part of the college social circle..
And thanks for your advice but I came to an American university not just to get a degree but to get an international education...I don't want to stick to internationals

screwediam

Hey Sadhippo! Thank you so much for your post...
Yea that "out of place" feeling was the reason why I used to be a little aloof in the beginning.... And you are right... I did join a couple of clubs but they weren't friend conducive....I'm hopeful that next semester I'll be able to join some fun clubs...
Thanks again dude!

intparent

You actually make an interesting point. If you are somewhat introverted, and you join clubs that tend to draw introverts, that is not necessarily going to result in a lot of friends. I say this when thinking about something I did as an adult. I took up cross country ski racing, which is a very individual sport. I joined an adult training group that met weekly for training all year long. I was disappointed, though, after about two years in the group I really hadn't made many friends in the group. Casual acquaintances, yes. But not really friends. Then I realized that it is a sport is very individually focused and tends to include a large number of introverts. Well, duh. It only took me two years to figure that out... so a club that focuses more on interaction might be a good idea. Things I can think of from colleges we have visited recently with my kids: some schools have "international meals" (not sure what they call it) where speakers of specific languages dine together regularly and use their language skills. If this exists on your campus for your native language or another one you are studying, try attending those. Or clubs where the activities probably involve a lot of chatting (eg, we have visited a couple of colleges that had baking or cooking clubs). Or volunteer to help organize some big campus event -- working long hours with people on something like that can be a real bonding experience, too. And keep you so busy that you won't notice a lack of social life.

I would also say that a limited social life is more obvious the first year of school. My D1 was SO busy in high school. I think she was a little bored her first semester of college; she was used to being involved in a lot of things and going to class for more hours. By the time she was a senior, she was hopping busy all the time again. So give it a little time, and try out some different campus organizations. Good luck!

syed2011

No, freshman year is not the last chance to make friends, we can make friends in the next semesters!! I have made more friends in the third and fourth semesters only!!

AUGirl

I'm a sophomore and my group of friends has really entirely shifted just this year.

I had a really solid core group of friends last year... but we've really grown apart this year and my friend group has really shifted. People who I was friends with last year aren't really my friends now. And people who I knew, but wasn't close with, are really close to me now.

I've heard that freshman year friends often aren't the friends you keep all the way through college.