Not getting into a frat

momwithquestions · 02-02-2006, 02:40 PM

Have any of you been in the situation where you rushed for a frat/frats at school and didn't get in? How did you survive?

Or, if you are in a frat, what are the main reasons why you would reject a student?

anovice · 02-02-2006, 03:38 PM

Hmmm... not a frat but I'm in a sorority and I know girls who didn't get bids(or an invitation to rush). It was mostly because of a lack or interest or a negative attitude in general. Girls who came out for the wrong reasons or were there because they wanted the *in* at parties were generally rejected. I'm sure it is different for every frat/sorority but thats mine.

hazmat · 02-02-2006, 03:43 PM

Sometimes it is the princess/prince affect......too much self and not enough willingness to bond for the benefit of the group. A rushee who is perceived as being too high maintenance, not willing to go through the pledge process. Kinda like having a kid who is a tool for a parent.......requires work.

soccerguy315 · 02-02-2006, 11:22 PM

I know people who rushed frats and didn't get bids. Some got in the next semester, and some moved on.

Frats are, by their nature, exclusionary

jags86 · 02-03-2006, 01:30 AM

while every school is different, there are several reasons to not get a bid from a fraternity. this is a not an all inclusive list, but a pretty decent one.

If you ****ed off a number (sometimes as few as 2) of brothers for any reason.
If you don't fit the "mold" of the individual frat. (many 'nice guys' have not gotten bids because they don't fit the mold.)
If you don't have the right "look" for a certain frat. (some frats are picky, you should know by the first few weeks of school)
If you arn't from a certain area of the country. (southern frats not taking northerners for ex.)
If you arn't loaded. (some frats are exclusive for $ reasons)
If you arn't cool.
If you don't offer anything to the frat.
If they don't think you'll make it through the pledge process.
If you havn't gotten to know a lot of the brothers. (although a lot of houses will blame this on themselves for not getting to know you, but the end of the rush process the majority of the house should be familiar with you).
If you act like you're already a brother i.e. cocky. (easy way to get the **** hazed out of you if you do eventually get a bid)
If you're socially awkward.
If you constantly talk about other frats/show more interest in other frats than the one you're currently at. (shows you as dead weight)

These are some pretty straight forward reasons not to get a bid. Otherwise, if you're cool you shouldn't be worried. There may be a few I missed, but in general, if you fit the mold of a frat, and you arn't a ******bag, you shouldn't have a problem getting a bid.

momwithquestions · 02-03-2006, 08:14 AM

I think you gave some pretty good reasons. I can see one or two that might relate to my son.

However, on his behalf. He was (is) cool, is good looking, funny, etc. etc. But he is not a chick magnet. And, he really drank too much at parties, and I thinking that might have annoyed some of the brothers (although his response was....but every one else was drinking alot too!).

jags86 · 02-03-2006, 08:35 AM

well it really depends on the drinking situation. i know in my house we don't invite people back if they arn't big drinkers lol. we really drink a lot in my house. so by not being a big drinker, you disadvantage yourself because we assume you won't like to party with us (and we won't like to party with you). if the house he was looking at was "dry" (used very loosely) or the guys arn't huge partiers, then that could be why he didn't get asked backed. also...while i know your son is probably a great kid, he may not be the greatest conversationalist. believe me, there are plenty of great guys out there who can't get past the "hey, whats up" point in a conversation.

momwithquestions · 02-03-2006, 09:24 AM

that's the funny thing. My son did drink alot at the frats, and only once got sick....and that was when he got back to his dorm. He is a great conversationalist once he opens up. In fact, he is quite entertaining...and in a good way........

I really don't get it...because he has hung out at a number of frats...and none of them are calling him back. When he was in HS, he was in very good standing with the best "group" of kids...i.e, athletics, academics, etc., etc...not one nerd.....

He dresses normal, and can hold his own around girls.....except it takes him a long time to open up with girls....which may be his downfall. He does not walk around with girls draped all over him.

MacTech92 · 02-03-2006, 09:42 AM

I'm not planning on rushing or anything, but just out of curiosity, would this description be a good frat candidate?

-athletic guy slowed by foot problems
-wears mostly Abercrombie & Fitch
-gets along with almost anyone
-doesn't drink, usually not life of the party
-can talk forever with girls, but usually just wants to be friends
-usually seen alone on campus or at the mall
-has a lot of committments and is often taking during "party hours" for most people

lkf725 · 02-03-2006, 11:12 AM

I know it's disappointing but maybe it's for the best, momwithquestions. I know quite a few guys, including my brother, who nearly flunked out because of involvement with the fraternity. (Too cool to study, way too much partying, too many road trips, etc). If he still want to get in next fall, maybe he can befriend some of the brothers on a more casual basis during the course of this semester? If not, I'm sure he will find nice groups of other students. Another option is a service or preprofessional fraternity, as they tend to not ask pledges to jump through hoops like social frats do.

momwithquestions · 02-03-2006, 01:42 PM

I suppose your suggestions might be good. I guess he can join some type of preprofessional frat......he is involved in alot of academic stuff anyway.......

jags86 · 02-03-2006, 03:31 PM

mactech, i'm sure theres a frat for you. although understand that, when you join a frat you pay dues (and usually they're pretty expensive...) and alot of that goes towards parties. so if your not one to party, you may just be wasting your money by joining one.

momwithquestions - honestly don't sweat it. i know it may be disappointing for your son not to get any more invites or bids, but he could have just went to the wrong houses, or he could just not be someone cut out for it. he can try again next semester, but he'll probably have something else going for him by that point.

BCgoUSC · 02-03-2006, 04:40 PM

momwithquestions - I am the rush chairman for my fraternity so I can give you some suggestions to pass along to your son. First off I admire the fact that you and your son are open and honest about drinking that is something very good and will benefit in the long run.

In terms of rush there are fraternities who only look for guys that dress a certain way, are only southern, have money etc... but luckily my fraternity can not be labelled any particular way which is why I chose it and I have a feeling that there are fraternities on your son's campus that are the same way. I could have fit into the southern fraternities who dress a certain way but I don't like to be in a cookie cutter fraternity. Okay now I will get down to the details.

Fraternities like guys that they can see themselves being brothers with. If you have one or to guys in the fraternity that like you then you are likely to get invited back so what I did when rushing was found those few guys that were like me and started to get to know them and if they like you they will have your back when it comes to giving out bids. Also get to know the rush chair and president because they are the ones who can give out bids. Personally I like to have guys that like to party and drink, but if you do it in an irresponsible way then that is a negative thing in my eyes i.e. getting sick. When rushing you need to be yourself and be confident in yourself (but not cocky) and don't admit that you will change your personality to "fit in" because we want guys that are gentlemen and good guys not who want to change themselves to fit in. Another thing, your son does not really have the option of being too selective until he gets bids and I would encourage him to go around to all the houses without any stereotypes in mind and be open minded. If I did not go to my house, I would have ended up at another fraternity and probably not have been as happy as I am with my fraternity. There also is nothing wrong with going back to the houses that didn't call him back because fraternities need pledges and if they do not fill up, they might give him a snap bid. Also I would not brag as a rushee e.g. "I drank 15 beers last night and got really drunk" because that is immature and shows that possibly he cannot have a good time without getting drunk. And most importantly don't let him settle - If he only gets a bid to a fraternity that he does not like or is not for him then don't take the bid. There is always next year and fraternities will bid up upperclassmen if they are good guys. Maybe he needs a year to get under his belt before he pledges up. But if he rushes again DON'T say that he rushed last spring because that makes the guys think that maybe he just rushes for free beer and doesn't really want to be a part of an organization. I hope this was helpful and if you have any more questions feel free to ask.

Also on almost all campus's, the Greek Male GPA is higher than the all male GPA because most fraternities require study hours.

soccerguy315 · 02-03-2006, 09:11 PM

Quote:

the Greek Male GPA is higher than the all male GPA because most fraternities require study hours

that doesn't seem like it would be true. I know it's not true on my campus

Rileydog · 02-04-2006, 01:13 AM

momwithquestions - I can feel your disappointment for you son. Is he at a school where most students are involved in Greek life? Is your disappointment for him, or do you feel that a frat would be a positive lifestyle for him at college? I have a son who is strongly interested in joining a frat and I wish I could convey to you how disappointed I am. Joining a frat goes against all of my values and certainly is not the "college experience" I ever envisioned paying $35k plus for my son to have. Although it is disappointing for your son right now, I hope that he will find that he doesn't need a guaranteed group of friends, a sure place to drink or a "badge" of acceptance to be happy and involved at college. BCgoUSC I find your comments about liking guys who drink and party sad - it just reinforces my view of what frats are really all about.