jaso9n2

I know I have a history on this board of harping on gender-related discussion and what not, so it's weird for me to asking a question/soliciting advice on this subject.

I've been dating this girl I met in one of my classes for about three and a half months. She's cute, sweet, smart, funny...all the things I'd want in a girl.

When we met, I made sure I was the perfect gentleman. I opened doors, I paid for all our dates, picked her up, dropped her off at a reasonable time, the whole nine yards. We didn't even make out until our third date.

Recently, we've gotten serious. Really serious. I think you all know what I mean by that.

It seems like since we took our relationship to that next level, she's been, well, clingy. We used to talk once or twice a day at the most, but now she calls me three and four times a day for no reason other than to talk. We've been walking through the mall holding hands (which, btw, isn't something I like to do but I do it because she likes it) and she'll ask me to put my arm around her. There will be times when I'm hanging out with my friends and she'll call and ask if I'm "being good" like I'm talking to other girls or something. She's gone through my phone and grilled me about a girl who I've been friends with for years before I met her. Just this past weekend we had an argument (our first big argument) about how I didn't call her on Friday. I wound up snapping on her because she called me while I was sleeping and I didn't feel like discussing it. I told her that several times and she wouldn't listen. Finally I just snapped and she got upset and hung up. I called her back later on that day and apologized (though I didn't think I was wrong) and now we're okay, I guess.

Why is she being like this?

TheOneCurlyFry

I'm not an expert, but I think she's definitely being too clingy.

debbym

Simple-the relationship went to the next level and she is insecure. She needs reassurance.

spitfire20

she really loves you... and she feels very connected to you.. maybe she exaggerates but it is only because she likes you very much. try to understand her..
by the way, do you find girls who are like this really annoying? :-s

modestmelody

So young, so naive. Welcome to a relationship and the world of sex.

And spitfire-- 90% of men who haven't made it into the real world (post college have job kind of real world) will not be attracted to this behavior. The few that can deal with it are those who have had long term relationships in the past that were very serious and are seeking to reach that level again after screwing it up because the girl acted like the above and drove the guy nuts.

I speak from experience.

AUlostchick

Yeah, girls are just like that sometimes, esp. if you're the first person she's slept with. I was sort of like that (although not QUITE as bad) with my ex, although my accusations were founded because he did cheat on me. Assuming you would never do that, and let's hope you wouldn't, just tell her. You are a busy person, you have school stuff, you have friends you would like to hang out with too, you like/love her alot too but sometimes you need space to chill with the guys. If she goes into a snit, ask her wouldn't she like to have a night with her girl friends or something? Sometimes girls are just weird about stuff like this, because they get all insecure and thinking the guy is going to leave them for someone else. Just make sure she knows you wouldn't do that.

citygirlsmom

well, you are getting sex, and she doesn't think the rest of the relationships should stay as it was...imagine the gall!!!

you want all to remain the same and she feels with going to the next level physically, the REST of what you do should follow suit

what, you think her having sex with you doesn't change anything at all?

egad

for some people. having sex is special, but if you are treating her the same way as you were before the sexual part got serious, she of course feels bad, she is giving something of herself, and expects you to as well, but if you are still annoyed with holding her hand, and don't call when you say you will, how is she supposed to feel, if you haven't changed even one iota now that you are getting some///

gemstar66

She's definitely being clingy and insecure. I'm not sure there's any real way to change this, because some girls are just naturally like that in relationships. Maybe she has been cheated on before also, so that might add to the clingyness, because she is afraid of being hurt and deceived again.

One of my friends acts similarly to that with her bf, and sometimes I just want to smack her and yell at her to back off. But that's just how she is, so I don't put myself in between their cra p, and just thank God that I'm not the guy in that sort of relationship.

citygirlsmom

do you call her, ever? do you have that implied date on weekends, and have you backed off and such

and when you do get together, is it all about sex or is the rest of the relationship still as strong

she may be "clingy", but to act like you are just Mr. Perfect is absurd, from your posts, and your missing information,at least 50% of this is YOUR behavior, and your distance....

what, you just all think that once part of a relationship moves fprwad, the rest just stays the same

grow up

TooRichForAid

Your behavior and hers are normal. I understand from both POV. That is why relationship at this age usually don't last(I'm sure there are exceptions). Relationship needs maturity to deal with.

firewalker

Be grateful you're getting punani. That's a small price to pay.

mikemac

She's clingy, immature, and insecure. Not a good combo! Look, here's the deal (and why a lot of guys once they're a bit older don't want to sleep with virgins). A lot of girls have these fantasies that they'll find "the ONE" and they DO say it with that emphasis on "one". And then life will be perfect, he'll be devoted to her, blah, blah, blah.

It's an adolescent dream, and then when they finally decide "go all the way" some trigger goes off and the guy becomes "the one". In some real sense she doesn't see you as an person with their own life who is in a relationship; her view of you is largely colored by what you mean to her and her dreams. It's by no means a 50:50 partnership, two adults enriching each other's life thru friendship, caring, thoughtful gestures, supportive and wanting the best for the other person. And due to her insecurity and immaturity she is terrified by the thought the real world might not match her fantasy and is in need of constant reassurance. Hence the insatiable need for contact (both physical and on the phone). Hence the insecurity that has her search your phone list (and who knows what else) for evidence that there might be some other girl out there, that you're not 110% devoted to her and that your every waking thought isn't consumed by her. Hence her questioning if you're "being good".

The good news: this is just a phase many girls go thru. From your description of her (sweet, smart, funny, etc) she's going to make a wonderful girlfriend and lover. The bad news: not for you. Unless you're incredibly lucky, she's just not going to get over this phase while she's going out with you. It seems to take a broken heart (or a few) until a girl figures out that she can't demand constant reassurance and constant attention if she hopes to keep a boyfriend. And the future relationships won't come with the emotional baggage of this being the first one she's slept with.

namaste

^couldn't give better advice

yes shes clingy. and theres virtually no chance you're getitng married, so your gonna have to break her heart sooner or later.

jaso9n2

You mean, do I find clingy girls really annoying? A little. I'm already a little guarded and independent, so I don't do the co-dependency thing. That said, this isn't some random girl.

I think she knows I wouldn't leave her for someone else. If I broke up with her, it would be because I didn't want to be with her anymore...not because I've found someone better. That's not how I work.

I don't think I implied that at all. I wouldn't want to sit on the phone and talk about nothing with her, or anyone else, regardless if I was sleeping with them or not. I don't ignore her or mistreat her, but I need my space as well. I give her time to work, study, hang out with her friends, etc. I don't think relationships can only exist as long as you're right up under each other all the time. I think spending some time apart keeps the relationship from getting stale.

Yes, I call her. Not three times a day, but I call her regularly. We usually hook up on the weekend. We haven't the past two weekends because she was busy and because I'd banged up my knee playing basketball this past weekend. And no, I haven't "backed off" anything. I'm still the same guy. I didn't pressure her into having sex with me. I told her I was into her and I didn't want to make her do anything she wasn't completely comfortable doing. I'm not some dog who's out on the prowl for pu**y. Why you think I am is confusing to me.

You remind me of my old friend BlahDeBlah...

Where in my post did I exonerate myself from blame? I know I'm not perfect. I don't know what my posts have to do with the price of tea in China, but...I haven't tried to come off perfect.

coopertemplegrl

citygirlsmom you are being a bit rude and kind of harsh, all the guy did was ask for opinions, not to be judged and belittled. IMO yes, shes being too clingy. it may have nothing to do with the sex, it could just be she has a co-dependent personality.