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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 1 1/2 years at the moment and I am a senior in high school. I want to go to a good state school in my state that my boyfriend will not be able to get into, so he has decided to go to the community college that is next to the college I plan on going to and transferring after he gets his AA. We will both be moving 4 hours from home (we both have cars so coming home on the weekends is easy).
The issue is, my dad has bought a 3 br condo next to the college for me to live in and rent the other rooms to whoever I want as a roommate (I will basically be managing the place), and my boyfriend and i agreed several months ago that if we can convince my parents he could pay rent and live there. I know, at least half of you are going to say I'm naive, and stupid, and it's a terrible idea. Please don't leave these comments, I will get enough from people at home. My mother already knows my intentions and does not entirely agree with them, but she knows that she has raised me to be who I am and all she can do is offer me advice and hope I am successful. My father on the other hand has already told my mother that he expects me to ask if we can live together and the answer is no, and he told her not to tell me about their conversation, she did anyway. He thinks that if we break up it will be unfair to my bf because i will have "dragged him up there," and he believes that a possible break-up will make my grades drop.
First I am going to start out by giving the reasons I think it will work against all odds (I've thought about this a lot):
-We have suffered through the best and worst in our relationship: 2 months apart during the summer, a few bad arguments that we have resolved (I hate it when people think they are the right match for someone, but they have never had a real fight and lived through it. This is important because a relationship that has never had any conflict has not been tested and is somewhat superficial), discussions about the future and the agrement that we will never leave angry.
- I also practically live at his house (I dual enroll and the community college is next to his house, so I stay there between classes). I know his habits and pet peeves and vice versa, so I don't think there will be any, but you didn't clean the kitchen, take out the garbage, etc.
- If we do break up, he was still planning on moving away from home to escape the family situation any way, and the campus is big enough that we can lose eachother, especially because we don't have the same majors.
- He has lots of friends also going to the same college so we will still have away time so we won't get sick of eachother.
- If I tell him to leave me alone so I can study, he always listens
- (A plus for my dad) He will be contributing towards the rent so my dad will make more money
- I doubt a possible break-up will distract me from my grades considering that my sophomore year of high school I went through a devastating break-up, and the way I cured my sadness was actually to work and study even harder, my grades remained straight A's.
- By no means does he expect me to be a housewife, or cook for him, or do his laundry, etc.
So, I need some advice on convincing my father (my mother won't help because she is neutral about the situation and generally hates conflict.
Second, I have been thinking about the idea that it might be better for us to live apart for the first semester, because of what so many people on these boards are saying and because it will be less strain between my father and I. I still want to move in with him though, even if I wait a few more months. How do I tell him this though? Every time I mention the possibility of us not living together, he gets incredibly sad. He doesn't protest, he just gets soo sad and I hate to see him this way. I love him so much. So how do I tell him if we end up having to live apart, without hurting him?
Please no comments about the possibility of us breaking up unless it's relevant. No, I do not believe in not having sex until marriage, and God will not effect my decision, I am agnostic. Also, Please do not tell me I am too young; I know the statistics, I know the risks, and I have accepted the possibility that our relationship may not last, although i truly hope it does. Oh, and my parents do know that I am sexually active (and I am responsible concerning those issues). I have told my mother (shes comfortable about it, as much as a mother can be anyway), and my father suspects beyond reasonable doubt and doesn't seem to mind too much.