4321234

people frighten me. not just new people. i like to stay away from family, friends, sometimes even bf. i can't tell anymore if i just like to be alone or if i'm scared of everyone. i don't know why i'm scared of people. i'm scared to go to parties, i'm scared to call people to just have lunch or talk. sometimes i'd rather read a book than talk to someone, but other times i get kidna lonely and want to talk to someone, but i don't really have anyone in mind. well, if i'm bored, i'd talk to anyone, but if i'm depressed and want a real convo, i don't feel like i can trust anyone (they'd say the wrong stuff, show signs of apathy, tell other people, or ignore me). because of this, i haven't really made a real friend in college. i really wished i dormed and had a roommate or something. i don't know why i'm always running away from people.

burgler09

Hey man, its all good. One of these days try and get out and go to a party or somethin, just have a couple beers to lighten up your mood.. I'm not saying get wasted if you don't want to but theres nothing wrong with having some beers. If you have anyone in your classes, just get a small group of people and go to the bar and have a few drinks and talk about class (or anything). Good luck to ya, I'm sure everything will work out.

Bourne

I don't know about the whole beer thing... You don't really sound like someone who's ever experienced alcohol and I'd hate to give you that advice and have it end up on CNN.

Anyways -- try starting small? Say hi to a random guy on the street -- walk past him and don't even wait for a response. Compliment someone. Do random things until you can build up the courage to join a club or to study with others.

You're not alone. I had a friend who would pick her nose when people tried to befriend her because she was scared of rejection ... Meaning she'd rather be rejected on her own superficial terms than on the basis more meaningful characteristics; i.e personality?

4321234

^ haha sorry to laugh, but that is pretty funny to hear. i would do weird things too, like say something stupid or turn away from them.

GoldShadow

At some point, you have to get over it and just speak to people.

Don't worry if you sound awkward at first. With practice, it'll get easier.

4321234

I don't think I'm scared to talk to people. "Can I borrow a pen?", "Hi, how are you", is not a problem. I'm not shy. I'm just afraid to get close to people and to associate with them on a personal level, hence avoiding social situations. But talking to people at school about school stuff is no problem. I just won't make any real friends in the end.

Northstarmom

There are options that can help you.

Use your campus counseling center to get help. You also may have something like social anxiety disorder, which can be helped with medication. Shyness can be helped with social skills counseling.

Link to info about social anxiety disorder:
Mental Health: Social Anxiety Disorder

student14x

Omg, we are so alike. I also tend to shy away from people. I don't know why. I've been like this since I was 5. I usually spend the weekdays and most of the weekends to myself. As you can tell, I sometimes get lonely. So as a result, I would call one of my friends(yes, even a introvert has friends) over and just hang out. Except, I would get bored in about 3hours and just make an excuse to kick them out. Sometimes I get depressed about how I am. But really, thats how I am and theres not much I can do about I. I just have to accept it.

My advice is to try and make a few close friends instead of many friends or aquantances. That way you don't have to stress. And if you feel depressed, you can always vent to someone.

Altaholic

Avoid the placebos of medication.

apumic

It sounds like you have some anxiety in social situations, but if you let yourself run away from every social situation whenever you get a bit anxious, you'll only make it worse for yourself. My suggestion would be to watch a movie with a character whose social abilities really make you admire them, then find somewhere you have never been before (a social place -- maybe a club; swing and salsa dance clubs work nicely for this), and go, pretending to be the most suave, sociable person you know (maybe even take on the persona from that movie). Ideally, you should keep your name, but besides that, make stuff up about yourself, be a new person, meet people and tell them all about yourself (once again, it would be best to tell them about things you are interested in and so forth, but be Mr/Ms Popularity). As you do this, you will likely become quite anxious (that's normal), but you should keep going and the anxiety will eventually subside.*

(*This is based on flooding, a technique used in behavioral therapies but cannot be taken as professional advice)

Northstarmom

Check this out, and then see a therapist (your college counseling center would be an appropriate place to get a therapist) to find out if this describes you, and what treatment would be effective. Please seek professional help and don't rely on uninformed, anonymous strangers on the Internet to help you with your concerns about your fear of being around others.

"Do you always feel like others are judging you? Do you find it difficult meeting new people or doing public speaking? Maybe you feel uneasy about eating in public. If you have ever felt this way then you may have social anxiety disorder.

Social phobia is not to be confused with shyness. Social anxiety is far more intense than shyness, and can keep you from functioning in everyday life. People with social anxiety want to interact with others, but are overcome with fear.

What is social anxiety disorder?

Social anxiety disorder is an anxiety disorder in which people fear social situations where they might be embarrassed or judged. When put in a social situation where they might become anxious sufferers have symptoms such as a racing heart, trembling, blushing or even sweating. This anxiety disorder is not uncommon by any stretch of the imagination -- some sources say it affects more than five million Americans any given year....

generalized social anxiety disorder typically involves a persistent, intense, and chronic fear of being judged by others and of potentially being embarrassed or humiliated by their own actions. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny by others. While the fear of social interaction may be recognized by the person as excessive or unreasonable, considerable difficulty can be encountered overcoming it. Approximately 13.3 percent of the general population may meet criteria for social anxiety disorder at some point in their lifetime, according to some estimates. "
Social Anxiety Disorder. Learn more about Social Anxiety Disorder and social anxiety in general, including the diagnosis, treatment, and management of social anxiety and social anxiety disorder.

huguenot

I have always thought of myself as very shy. (At this point, the folks here who know me IRL have fallen out of their chairs laughing). See, I decided many years ago that this was drastically hampering my life and I just needed to act as if I didn't feel shy. I know, easier said than done.

However, I just got up, joined some clubs I was interested in, and decided to get involved. I was getting just as hurt standing on the sidelines as I feared I would if I got involved. For me, the Christian groups on campus were the easiest to make friends in and feel comfortable. Whichever group you're interested in, just go to the next meeting.

I also learned that when I was unsure what to say, to ask the other person questions. If you can get someone else talking, they will think you are a brilliant conversationalist :-)

Fast forward 20+ years later: I still feel a bit of a check when I pick up the phone to call some people, but I just do it anyway. Other than that (which no one but my family knows about), *no* one would describe me as shy. I have many, many friends, I'm a leader in the community, and speak in public often to groups in the hundreds or more. Who'd have thought it?

I just wanted to let you know, that you can overcome this, either on your own, or with help like Northstarmom mentioned, you can get past this and not let it hamper your life.

arbiter213

Boo!



Ok seriously, perhaps you should talk to your school's psychologist.