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College Sophomore with no friends!

collegeboi99collegeboi99 Posts: 19Registered User New Member
edited January 2012 in College Life
Hi guys, I don't know how it happen, but my first year in college, my parents were going through a divorce and for the first month, I was really depress. After that initial month had passed, everyone seem to have form their own group of friends, and I didn't belong to any of them. I sort of went crazy, I couldn't concentrates on my study and end up almost on academic probation. Fortunately I didn't, but my grade were barely passing. Needless to say, I was alone that whole time, and every weekend drove me crazy to the point that I was becoming suicidal because of it. I had a very hard time just trying to get out of bed because I knew I had no one to hang out with and beside school works, there was nothing else to do.

The whole summer I was so worry that as a Sophomore, since I was still gonna dorm with the freshman hoping that at least I can make some friends. I was afraid that if they know I was a sophomore, they would assume I have friends already. Well none of that happen, I came to school late this new school year because I was attending my cousin's wedding out of state. I came right on the same day that instruction began, and at first I thought it was still possible to make friends, but as the weeks passes by, it became much harder, until now when the first quarter is almost done. This is no joke people, I'm getting very desperate, I even try joining a frat to make friends but I didn't get in.

I talk to my mom on the phone last night for over an hour, pouring my heart out, and crying. She didn't understand the whole time, she said it was alright to not have any friends, and that colleges is all about studying. I'm already alone this whole time, and now not even my mom understands what I am going through. I'm trying my best just to attends every class, doing all my school works even though majority of the time I lack the motivation and energy to do those things.

I don't know what to do at this point, I'm going to worry over Christmas break and will dread coming back to school.

If someone is reading this, please give me any advices or suggestions.

Thanks
Post edited by collegeboi99 on
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Replies to: College Sophomore with no friends!

  • LilyMoonLilyMoon Posts: 1,715Registered User Senior Member
    It sounds as though you need to get out and get involved. Friends just don't happen...you gotta make it happen. What are your interests? Whatever they are it is important to pursue them - join clubs, organizations, volunteer positions, the school radio station, TV station, newspaper - not a frat where acceptance is required. If you get involved you will meet people with similar interests and already have something in common to build a relationship on. For many it does take time to find friends.
  • coveryfirecoveryfire Posts: 72Registered User Junior Member
    what school do you go to
  • gadligadli Posts: 227Registered User Junior Member
    absolutely join clubs. i'm in an acapella group, for example, and after just having rehearsals and meeting a few times a week you become really close with the group. the same things can happen in clubs--just try and start some conversations with people who are interested in the same things you are. best of luck
  • collegeboi99collegeboi99 Posts: 19Registered User New Member
    Thank you gadli, Lilymoon, and coveryfire

    I have actually join several clubs, but I notice that most of the members there already knew each other as roommates. There is not many clubs at my college, sorry coveryfire I prefer not to say which school I go to. I wanted to join the intro to acting class but I didn't get in since it was full, and there is none of it this quarter around. My school is quite small, even though there are around 15,000 students, only half live on campus. I also just found out about martial art and dancing class but once again they are not available for winter quarter.
  • muzicgirl89muzicgirl89 Posts: 422Registered User Member
    Just because people at your school already have friends doesn't mean they're not looking for more; introduce yourself to them and ask them what their lives are like. Don't worry about looking lonely; people will probably assume you don't know as many people as them because you're shy.

    Good luck with making friends; I'm sure if you're nice and act relaxed you'll find some people to hang out with easily.
  • collegeboi99collegeboi99 Posts: 19Registered User New Member
    Thank you muzicgirl89

    I'm not sure what to write to you, other than that I feel incredibly lonely.
  • icanreadicanread Posts: 508Registered User Member
    Get an on-campus job on the weekend just to add some structure to the day. Try getting work in a campus cafe or someplace that'll allow you to interact with other students. I echo everything other people have said about clubs - join the group that puts together campus events; it's fun and you'll meet a lot of people. It sounds like you're making an effort. I'm sure it'll work out for you.
  • sciencenerdsciencenerd Posts: 1,455Registered User Senior Member
    If you are going instate then I would try to bond with some people that went to your high school. Also, I would defintely join some clubs and try to meet people through that. If you are an ethnic student you can join some clubs that focus on ethnicity.

    Also, when doing all this try to act confident (although it's easier said than done). Lol, I should probably take my own advice.

    I can defintely understand how hard it can be.
  • BodaciousGBodaciousG Posts: 332Registered User Junior Member
    While you work to make friends using the advice given to you by the people above, you need to work on surviving being alone. You can't let your loneliness consume you and distract you from your studies. You are at college first and foremost to get good grades. Everything is secondary. Yes, you are there for an experience, but you don't pay thousands of dollars for an experience.

    Essentially, work on being your own best friend. Treat yourself right. Are you eating right, sleeping well, exercising, etc? All of these things will make you feel better physically/mentally. Sleep is the most important because no sleep = chemical imbalances = depression.

    Do you feel good about yourself? I think a lot of people can't be alone because they can't deal with themselves. If you're not happy with who you are as a person, focus your energies on bettering yourself. Good luck and keep your head up. I know humans are gregarious beings and we get lonely, but you can be happy alone too. I'm not saying don't make friends, because by all means make friends. I'm just saying that you can alleviate your situation for now by doing the above.
  • NorthstarmomNorthstarmom Posts: 24,853Registered User Senior Member
    Get social skills help and advice from the counseling center.

    I'm guessing that you're international or first generation American. Join the international students organization. They usually are very friendly, and are open to everyone including people whose families have lived in the U.S. for generations.

    It's a wonderful way to make friends, and also to get involved in activities. If you happen to be first gen American, it also can be a good way to learn about American social customs that your family probably can't teach you about.

    And yes, making friends, is an essential part of the college experience and of life in general, so of course you're depressed without having friends. Human beings are very social animals.
  • MattsMomFLMattsMomFL Posts: 802Registered User Member
    It could be the school too. I went to a primarily commuter school, and even as a very outgoing social person, I found most people were interested in just getting to work or home after their last class. So, I ended up mostly hanging out with a boyfriend I met somewhat early in the process, and definitely did not have a classic college experience. The culture of the people where I went was different from who I was too. It was predominately a working class Italian/Greek population from Long Island and I was a well-traveled Jewish kid from Manhattan. I probably would have transferred in junior year, but by that time was firmly entrenched in relationship, which btw, did not survive real life after college for very long.

    To sum it up, consider a transfer and visit a lot of schools to really get a feel for where you'd jive. Also, 15K is pretty big...you may want to consider a school with around 2,000 or less students where over 90% of the kids live on campus.
  • NorthstarmomNorthstarmom Posts: 24,853Registered User Senior Member
    Please also use the counseling center. There is no shame in using the counseling center. Probably some of the students whom you admire for being gregarious have had some mental health treatment. It's normal for people in the U.S. who, for instance, come from professional and highly educated backgrounds to see a counselor or therapist when they have social or emotional problems. It's like seeing a doctor when one has a physical problem. It's no big deal, and your college counseling center has had much experience with students with concerns just like yours.

    Counseling centers are experts on knowing how to help students with social skills concerns and with difficulties relating to family problems including divorcing parents and parents who don't understand the students' concerns. Those are very normal concerns for college students to be coping with.
  • ComplicationsComplications Posts: 50Registered User Junior Member
    Oh wow, you've already been given great advice. Depression will sap your energy and make it difficult to make friends. So it could be that you are giving off sad/depressed vibes without even knowing it.

    It is also possible that you are at the wrong school. Yes, it is harder to transfer with crummy grades, but if you bring up your grades, you will be able to transfer.

    Get out of your dorm room. If you find yourself on the computer a lot, stop it!!! Get out. Volunteer at something you love. Stay busy. Depression breeds sloth and sloth breeds depression.

    Work on the depression and the friends will follow. I really believe that.
  • Chrisr88Chrisr88 Posts: 339Registered User Member
    As someone already mentioned- get a job, even if you don't need the money.

    Many of my friends came from working at an Albertson's supermarket near campus - its easy to bond at work because you already have something in common with your co-workers. It's easy to strike up a conversation about work with anyone, and the relationship can only grow from there.
  • rllftnkrllftnk Posts: 2Registered User New Member
    I'm not gonna repeat anything you have already heard. I'm just gonna give you an option... VISIT ME!! My school has a little over 1,000 students and we are always lookin for more friends. At my school you know almost everyone on campus and always have someone to talk to. Last year my best friend was in the same place you are emotional. She never left her room and if she did she always looked sick. I invited her to dinner at the caf with a few of my friends. Now she is out of her room more than I am!
    I can tell you right now, a day with me will flip your entire outlook on life upside down. I know that you don't want to tell people your school on here, but feel free to IM me at Gr82BaTeAsE :) hope 2 see u soon hehehe
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