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Being Gay and Having a Roommate, What Should I do?

landon2013landon2013 Posts: 3Registered User New Member
edited June 2009 in College Life
Hi

I am gay and am starting college this fall. I don't want to miss out on having a roommate but I'm nervous about rooming with a straight guy who might feel uncomfortable rooming with a gay guy. Im not really flamboyant or anything and I do have a lot of straight friends. Having a roommate could either go really great or be really bad. What should I do?
Post edited by landon2013 on
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Replies to: Being Gay and Having a Roommate, What Should I do?

  • Another_AdamAnother_Adam Posts: 513Registered User Member
    Does your school have any criteria that roommates are based upon? Or a way to meet like-minded students and choose to have them as roommates?

    It's a tough one to assess. If you're not flamboyant, and it isn't vitally important that he know you're gay, you may be able to skate by without him knowing? (Though living a "lie" isn't necessarily the best route. I guess I'm just saying it doesn't need to be "Hey, I'm your roommate, and I'm gay" type of thing.)

    I have no clue what it's like, so my advice probably isn't of any help. Good luck.
  • landon2013landon2013 Posts: 3Registered User New Member
    My school randomly picks roommates, I havent gotten the questionnaire yet though. The problem is that single rooms are on another part of campus far away from the regular dorms.

    Thanks for the advice, this is a tough decision.
  • randomgrandeurrandomgrandeur Posts: 671Registered User Member
    Just go about life normally. Most people in college don't make a big deal about their roommate being gay unless they're one of those annoying kids who has to bring it up into every conversation. "Hi, I'm John & I'm gay. Gay rights! Gay rights! LGBT! LGBT!" Or, one of those exaggerated personalities or.... a Clay Aiken fan.

    Just don't pretend to be something you're not. He should be cool. It'll probably be one of the first conversations you have with him anyway.
  • IBclass06IBclass06 Posts: 2,846Registered User Senior Member
    It will most likely be fine. Neither I nor any of my friends have ever had trouble with a roommate, at least.

    Just bring it up casually in the first week or so. Personally, my freshman roommate was more worried that I would snore. :D
  • shwayzeeeshwayzeee Posts: 299Registered User Junior Member
    i have a gay roommate next door and a straight frat boy living with him. they get a long just fine, but i would discuss it with your roommate within the first week like IBclass06 said. that way if he feels uncomfortable for some reason, he can decide to switch to another room or something
  • sirius_catsirius_cat Posts: 825Registered User Member
    I wonder the same thing too. I'm just like the OP but people with good gaydar can usually tell. I've learned that as long as you don't make it a big issue, no one else will. As for a roommate goes, I don't think that you should avoid him and I think that you should try to make friends with him unless he's a jerk or something. I think that I will let my roommate ask me if I am gay but I won't deliberately act like I'm not. I'll just be my normal self and hope he has the courage to ask.

    Also, dont do anything that would make him uncomfortable like comment on him or other guys around him or things like that. And honestly, if he does make a big deal out of it, I'm sure the RA will allow you to transfer though I highly doubt it will be necessary.

    And kudos to you for not being ashamed!
  • BMWdude335BMWdude335 Posts: 378Registered User Member
    Just tell him straight up (no pun intended)
  • ManOfFaithManOfFaith Posts: 363Registered User Member
    You guys seem to forget that a lot of people are major homophobes...
  • sirius_catsirius_cat Posts: 825Registered User Member
    but I would think that the majority of people on here are going to be attending universities where people are less likely to be homophobic and treat you differently based on your orientation.

    Also, I think telling him "straight up" would be fine too but just dont let it be the very first thing that you say to him.
    As for me, I'm still not really comfortable just going around telling people I'm gay for no reason and I think that if I did that, the situation would be awkward. In the past, it works best when people come up to me and ask me if I'm gay.
  • chuychuy Posts: 3,911Registered User Senior Member
    "but I would think that the majority of people on here are going to be attending universities where people are less likely to be homophobic and treat you differently based on your orientation."

    Hahahahaha, you're one of the types that thinks northerners aren't racist too, aren't you?

    If you want to make sure there won't be an issue inform the school and ask them to inform whoever you get paired with to make sure they'll be cool with it. A lot of people wouldn't care, but if you get stuck with someone who's an ahole about it your freshman year is going to suck.
  • soccerguy315soccerguy315 Posts: 6,618Registered User Senior Member
    Having a roommate could either go really great or be really bad.

    Congratulations. Sounds like every single other college freshman before they move in.
  • welshywelshy Posts: 124Registered User Junior Member
    Just leave stacks of gay porn mags around the room and wait for him to ask.

    Then act surprised that he didn't know.
  • akhman24akhman24 Posts: 586Registered User Member
    If your one of those gay guys that has a lot of girl friends, help your roommate out by bringing some good girls back, and selling him up as a good guy.
  • akhman24akhman24 Posts: 586Registered User Member
    " You guys seem to forget that a lot of people are major homophobes... "

    More like most people are major flamboyant-homophobes. I don't think anyone is bothered by someone being gay, as in their orientation. But the flamboyant gay guy, naturally, will get on most people's nerves....and also, just flamboyant people in general.
  • diontechristmasdiontechristmas Posts: 2,891Registered User Senior Member
    It's pretty simple, really. If you're just a normal guy who is gay (as opposed to lispy, in your face flamboyant), which you said you're not, just be like: "Hey, I just want to let you know I'm gay". Ask him if he has any questions or concerns.

    It's pretty obvious stuff like not making out with guys in your room while he's there.
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