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When is it okay to ask if someone can hang out?

Mi_LieMi_Lie Posts: 108Registered User Junior Member
edited October 2009 in College Life
At the first school I attended, most of my good friends were people on my floor.
So I saw them every day and we built up a camaraderie over time. It didn't take me long to feel comfortable enough to knock on their doors and ask if they wanted to get lunch or just hang out because I saw them so often.

Then I transferred, which resulted in a ****show of loneliness, and I thought my fortunes were going to improve by joining a fraternity (because once you join you're a brother and you do lots of stuff with your brothers and can drop by the house any time). But unfortunately, one fraternity I like didn't give me a bid, and I met some guys I really liked in another one....but I met them on the last day of rush and they couldn't extend me a bid when I didn't go to any of the earlier events.

Now when they told me this, they said "you're a cool guy, you should do Spring rush, we just can't extend a bid when so many others have gone to our earlier events. But we should definitely hang out sometime."

So I sent them an email back saying no hard feelings, if they ever had any open invites or parties or just wanted to hang out I'd always be up for it and to just give me a call.

So my problem is:

I can meet people at various clubs and extracurriculars,
but I never hang out with them outside of these clubs.

I have all these numbing, blank spaces in my day where I am just walking alone and eating alone and studying alone and it sucks so, so much. But even if I get their number at a club meeting, I feel bad calling people up I've only met one time or for just a few hours and asking if they can hang out or grab lunch.

Isn't it just kind of awkward?

I feel much better when people call ME up or invite me out.

I'm actually rejecting a bid from a fraternity that extended one to me just because I feel like I get along with the brothers from that aforementioned one better, even if I only met them for a very short period of time. (Not the only reason but main one.) And I hope I can hang out with them during this semester sometime but if I don't get my act together this gamble will end up failing.

I don't know, it's kind of sad to ask,
"how do you make friends?"
but now that I screwed up my efforts at rushing I don't know what else to do.

It's really hard for me to call someone up after only meeting them once but I don't know if that's normal or not.
Post edited by Mi_Lie on

Replies to: When is it okay to ask if someone can hang out?

  • JimgotkpJimgotkp Posts: 2,854Registered User Senior Member
    I'm actually kind of in the same situation as you after I transferred also and left my brothers at the other school. Been lonely too so it's tough but you should try to do whatever you can without being embarassed and all. Having a friend is better than having none.
  • Mi_LieMi_Lie Posts: 108Registered User Junior Member
    yeah, the problem is I would feel really embarrassed and needy to call those guys up I met up after only meeting with them once and asking if they could hang out. Especially because they're going to be really busy with their new pledge class.
  • prismacolorsprismacolors Posts: 71Registered User Junior Member
    Just call them.
    You like them. They like you.
    You say they are going to be busy. If so, why would they reach our to you if you don't bother contacting them? If you do nothing they aren't going to do anything therefore you're going to miss your chance.
  • S0adS0ad Posts: 914Registered User Member
    I was in this situation for a bit, being a transfer living off campus. I just tried to hang out with people I saw in more than one of my classes. Meaning I sat next to them, tried to start up a convo, etc. Once I started to talk to people on an everyday basis I ask if they wanna meet up for lunch or wanna hang out some time, or study for an upcoming exam together.

    I'm a lot happier now. =-) Just make the effort. I'm fairly shy, but if lonely enough, I get over it and open up a bit.
  • Mi_LieMi_Lie Posts: 108Registered User Junior Member
    Thanks for the advice guys! I appreciate it.

    So you really think it'd be okay if I called these guys from the fraternity, even after only meeting them for 30 minutes, and asking if they wanted to grab lunch sometime during the week? I honestly feel like if I had gone to their earlier events I would have gotten in, but it does seem strange asking someone to hang out who you barely know and who barely knows you....I mean, I would give them a week or so because rush just ended but I don't want to come off as weird or clingy.
  • ChelseaLYChelseaLY Posts: 4Registered User New Member
    Honestly, what could it hurt? I mean, that is how you make friends isn't it? Everyone's been at that awkward, lonely stage where they know no one. It's part of the college experience.
    Things will be less awkward if you can keep things casual. Don't plan ahead, just whenever you need something to do, call someone up and ask what they're up to.
    Plus, I'm sure the more you get to know the frat brothers the better chance you'll have of getting in once spring rolls around.
  • ParadoxUnknownParadoxUnknown Posts: 219Registered User Junior Member
    As long as you're not awkward about it, it won't come through as needy. And obviously don't call them too often (especially if they don't return the favor), or you will seem clingy. But otherwise, stay chill and cool...and they should have no problems saying yes.

    One tip to make it easier is to just ask them in a by-the-by sort of way when you accidentally run into them face-to-face, as opposed to actually calling them up. This makes it seem more random and less desperate. But really...don't worry about it. The more you obviously worry about it, the more it shows, and the more awkward it gets.
  • cbr27cbr27 Posts: 241Registered User Junior Member
    They told they think you're a cool guy, they want you to do Spring Rush, and specifically "we should definitely hang out sometime". Sounds to me like they want you as part of their fraternity, so it makes sense they'd want to hang out and get to know you better.

    Also, I agree with Paradox that randomly running into one of them on campus and suggesting something is the preferred way to handle this if you're worried about looking needy or whatever. However, if you don't see any of them over the next week or so, I'd give one of them a call.
  • kweenovhartskweenovharts Posts: 72Registered User Junior Member
    texting is king! if too embarrassed to call but someone gave you their cell number, just shoot them a text and remind them of who you are and ask casually what they're up to. Something like: "hey it's so and so from rush day, I was wondering what you guys are up to this weekend.. I'm kinda bored and wondering if you wanna hang out for a bit".. Worst case scenario they say no! who cares? Also, I wouldn't reject the other frat, you never know who's in it that you haven't met yet!
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