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No social life as a senior (in college)?

DeathsadvocateDeathsadvocate Posts: 101Registered User Junior Member
edited November 2009 in College Life
Hey all,

Im in kinda an odd situation, im a senior soon to be graduating with my ugrad and i realize that i dont really have much of a social life. Throughout college iv basically had to ether be working or studying almost all the time to ether pay for school (or get someone else to pay though scholarships) or get decent grades (even though it was mainly work). While this has been great not only for my career (im the lead software engineer at a major research lab) but also schooling (i basically completed my entire undergraduate Computer Science core in a little under 2 years). It has however taken a negative toll on my social life. While i did have a few friends in previous years they have all graduated and moved on.

Over the last year or so iv been trying to basically create a new circle of friends but its been really hard (since most people have their circle locked in already). Iv even started taking mid to high level out of major courses to try and meet people my "age". Iv also tried the whole club thing for the last couple of years but there really hasn't been any that have turned out well (and now with work its almost impossible for me to go to any of them anyway).

While i cant complain too much (since alot of people would kill to be in my position especially coming from the background that i came from) its still a little bothering that basically all i have to do on weekends is pretty much nothing while others are hanging out with people/gf's/ect.

So im kinda wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation where work/class has interfered significantly with their social lives or had friends graduating and killing your social life?
Post edited by Deathsadvocate on

Replies to: No social life as a senior (in college)?

  • Brian003Brian003 Posts: 34Registered User Junior Member
    Death:

    I am basically in the same situation as you.

    Believe it or not the situation you are in is not so uncommon in a College setting.

    For some people, College can be the most lonely years of their life. I've read multiple articles on it, and many commuter students have similar experiences.

    What you really have to do is take a good look at the last four years of your life and ask yourself:

    "Was is really worth it?"

    I mean you have to keep in perspective all the different factors that affected your social life:

    A. You aren't in a situation in which your parents pay for everything and you can afford a Private University in which you can just fool around for 4 years on your parents dime.

    B. You obviously have a solid work ethic; and it will pay off later in life.

    C. You had to be responsible from a young age so you had to grow up much earlier than some of your peers.

    D. Your personality is a limitation of your social life. Take the Meyer Briggs test. I am guessing you are either ISTJ or INTJ. I am INTJ.

    I've been in College for 4 years now and I will admit that I am shamed to say that I really didn't take advantage of everything and I had poor planning to begin with.

    I am a rather conservative person who lives a rather conservative lifestyle and I go to a very liberal College.

    It doesn't suit my personality: I don't drink and I don't enjoy partying; so the social scene never really quite mixed with my interests. I should have attended a more conservative University; I would have had a better time and made more friends with similar interests.

    Now, I have worked 5 different jobs while in College(Including the Summers) and have taken school full time every semester. The last thing you want to do after going to work for 8 hours is a 4 hour assignment until 1 AM in the morning but that is just simply the way it was on multiple weeknights.

    Essentially, even with the work and school I still have had opportunities to socialize but I mainly made excuses and I am OCD about my GPA so I study more than I should.

    I could probably get the same job after graduation with a lower GPA.


    Transferring between three different schools really didn't help either. In fact, transferring is the worst way to go.

    What I ask myself now(After going to College for 4 years) in looking back at all the work I have done in College(Almost all work, no play) I start to ask myself if everything was really worth it?

    I really didn't have much fun outside from Freshman year in which I had a compatible roommate in which we would watch movies together, argue over Physics and rather pointless Philosophical ideas, and the workload was much easier so it didn't feel like I was working 60-70 hours per week.

    If you take a good look back and realize that you really didn't have any fun at all in College then you most definitely did something wrong. I am going on study abroad next semester and I am not going to spend a single day reading a textbook unless it is the day before the exam.

    You understand that after you graduate you are in a much better position than many other College students who didn't have a strong work ethic(Which will show in their resume and in the interview with an employer). But this doesn't mean that you will necessary be better off in terms of material gain(Money). If they networked with the right people and went to a good University they could still make the same amount of income even though half of their report card has C's.

    A lot of people like you(Pre-Med Students, PhD Students, etc., Students who just mostly work instead of play) end up obtaining a high status job title by the age of 30-35. Then they have no clue as to why they worked so hard to obtain these positions and they tell everyone around them that it wasn't worth it.

    I had the Dean of my Department tell me that as an Undergraduate student I should concentrate on having fun instead of pursuing intellectual or work pursuits :); but as my arrogant and stubborn self I simply ignored him.

    Since when you are young most people will only view achievement in terms of money, prestige, and power. As you get older your viewpoint will change and you will start to see that there are a lot of more important details and fascinations on life that you might have overlooked at a younger age.

    If you are like me, and take a look back and don't really remember having any fun in College(Whatever fun may mean for you, it isn't the standardized way of College Life to me) then you know that you have done something wrong. Working almost every single day and never fully enjoying life doesn't really provide anyone with satisfaction.

    Understand that College is only a small portion of your life(4-5 years for Undergrad, 2 Years more for Masters, 4-6 years More for a PhD) and that since you have done well eventually you will come to a point in which you will want to stop all the work and just enjoy the moment.

    You have many years after College to enjoy life and hopefully you will have the income and the freedom to do so.

    You are better off than someone who didn't take College seriously and goofed around for 4 years only to find their Employment opportunities limited after they graduate and working at $30,000-$40,000 per year for the next 20 years to pay off student loans.

    This is just my opinion at my current age in life(22). It will change as I get older.
  • DeathsadvocateDeathsadvocate Posts: 101Registered User Junior Member
    Thanks for the detailed response, im glad im not the only one in this situation

    I guess the question was "was it worth it?", to be honest i didnt really have a choice if i didnt work hard i couldent go to college period. My parents are of very limited means and i not only had to pay for college but also help them out money wise (to put this in perspective i made more then both of them combined last year). Unfortunately the only downside to the whole thing is that i wasent able to go to a good undergraduate school for my major which has put me at a very huge disadvantage when applying for grad school (iv had advisers point blank tell me that i made the wrong choice going to my university since it is going to be a hindrance at getting into high ranked graduate schools).

    All in all it was worth it since i would have killed to be in the position that i am now 8 years ago (when my family barely had enough money to put food on the table). I have all my loans paid in full and enough cash left over to ride me out until the end of my ugrad (kinda a backup fund if for some reason i get sick or lose my job or something crazy happens).

    As for making more money by networking, i could care less about that. I dont do what i do for the monetary gain, i do what i do because i like to innovate and be the best at what i do. I love to learn about things and master them. So this isnt really the reason i want to meet people. I really just want to have a good set of friends that are just that, a good set of friends.

    As for the personality being an issue, it could be. Im kinda an odd guy, im kinda shy when i first meet people but after that im told im hilarious and kinda crazy (in a good way, not the bad crazy). I use to have issues initiating conversations but i have a good set of "starter" topics that work pretty well. My main problem is that i can make some acquaintances but very few actually become people i hang out with on an even semi regular basis. So when i do have free time i dont have anyone to actually hang out with. Now its even harder then it use to be since people in my class for the most part already have their core group of friends leaving me at best usually a distant outsider.

    This is a bit bothersome since its one of two things that are left on my list of stuff i wanted to accomplish while in college (ugrad specifically). Making a good set of friends (the other being finding a girlfriend but that really kinda relies on the friends part being in place already). Im working slowly to it but at least its good to hear that im not alone in this venture.
  • collegebosscollegeboss Posts: 437- Member
    Get excited... you have so much opportunity

    You're still young, dont even worry

    If you were like 55 years old with no one, that would suck

    think of all the old people who would kill to be in your position

    :)
  • you_of_ehyou_of_eh Posts: 753Registered User Member
    I don't usually post on these kinds of threads but you seem like a cool guy. Like college boss said, you're still young so you don't have much to worry about. "since most people have their circle locked in already"..I think that's kind of an excuse, most people, especially in college, are pretty open when it comes to meeting new people. Like I said it seems like you're a cool guy and not a real odd ball or anything so I would say you just have to work on your social skills. Put those books down, get your confidence up and get out there and approach people, just make sure you're friendly and all that and you should start making some friends.
  • theviolinisttheviolinist Posts: 357Registered User Junior Member
    Maybe you should try hanging out with some transfer students?
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