Nicest way to turn a guy down?

theviolinist · 11-03-2009, 06:50 PM

I'm sure this has been asked a million times before, but I'm not turning anything up with searches so...

Anyway, there's this guy in my Wed. night class who I started up a casual conversation with just to be friendly (I asked him where he was from since I heard him talking to somebody in a different language.) Then we walked out to our cars together chatting. That was a few weeks ago. Last Wednesday, we got out of class early and I made some comment to him about something, and we ended up walking out together again, only this time, he asked me out. I didn't actually like him like that, but it kind of caught me off guard and plus I'm always feeling sorry for myself that I don't have a boyfriend and I didn't want to turn down a date for no good reason - dumb I know, but I didn't have much time to think. So we ended up going to one of those sports bar things and playing pool and having a bite to eat. He made some comment about going out to eat again, and later we decided to get together and study before our test which is tomorrow. Also we hugged and exchanged phone numbers. I can tell he likes me and wants to keep on going out, but for me, that first date just confirmed that I didn't want to be more than friends with him - just something didn't click, you know?

Anyway, what's the best way to tell somebody that you just aren't into them like that? Apart from the obvious "okay, we need to talk, I'm just not into you like that?" I still do want to be friends; he's an awesome dude but just not my type somehow.

DCHurricane · 11-03-2009, 06:51 PM

Just tell him that you enjoy his company, but that you just want to be friends. Maybe say that you're just not ready for a relationship at the moment.

theviolinist · 11-03-2009, 06:53 PM

The thing is I am, just not with him. But thanks for your advice!

DCHurricane · 11-03-2009, 06:58 PM

He doesn't need to know that. And don't worry if you suddenly find Mr. Right two weeks later and he sees you with him. You can tell him that people change their minds. We men gotta learn to handle rejection.

TwistedxKiss · 11-03-2009, 07:08 PM

Yeah, just tell him, it hurts more to be strung along and THEN rejected than it does to be rejected outright.

Though I always laugh when I hear things like this...

"I didn't actually like him like that, but it kind of caught me off guard and plus I'm always feeling sorry for myself that I don't have a boyfriend and I didn't want to turn down a date for no good reason - dumb I know, but I didn't have much time to think."

Totally how I met my fiance. XD

PlattsburghLoser · 11-03-2009, 07:17 PM

I bet you're the one who turned down merman107.

Batllo · 11-03-2009, 07:22 PM

You're not feeling it with him, correct? Not ever, never gonna happen? So you gotta tell him. Say you enjoy hanging out but in a "friends" way. No more hugging, you'll be sending him mixed messages. If he starts to get weird, stalk you or act psycho...run.

Jimgotkp · 11-03-2009, 07:52 PM

run forrest run.............

PEQXC2012 · 11-03-2009, 08:23 PM

tell him, don't be passive or the situation will get worse.

theviolinist · 11-03-2009, 10:07 PM

Thanks so much you guys! I'm definitely gonna tell him, but I'm kind of looking for words and phrases to use/avoid, that type of thing. I haven't ever really had a bunch of guys after me or anything, so this is pretty new stuff lol...

Oh, and anyway, he was the one who hugged me - twice actually (from the side, but still).

"He doesn't need to know that. And don't worry if you suddenly find Mr. Right two weeks later and he sees you with him. You can tell him that people change their minds. We men gotta learn to handle rejection."

Mmm. I dunno, I don't really want to say that, just for my own sake, because I would be really embarrassed if he saw me and the new guy together and I would be paranoid that I would run into him when I was with the other guy.

"I bet you're the one who turned down merman107"

Hahahaha

TwistedxKiss · 11-03-2009, 10:15 PM

Just say that you had a lot of fun but you just want to be friends. You are not obligated to explain yourself further.

dramakitty92428 · 11-03-2009, 10:28 PM

What is the merman107 thing about? Come on tell me guys, pleaaaaase?

theviolinist · 11-03-2009, 10:36 PM

^ This - don't know how to do the links but check for this title in the College Life main section:

"Yesterday i told a girl that I've been dating that I really like her"

hiroutu · 11-03-2009, 11:03 PM

The best way to turn a guy down is to introduce him to an attractive friend. Simple and easy, men are so quick to any type of affection no matter whom from. He'll forget about you in possibly--well, after he talks with the second girl for a few seconds.

though it depends how much you guys liked each other, if the guy is susceptible to infatuation's power, and if the girl is more attractive to him.

theviolinist · 11-03-2009, 11:43 PM

^ lol at that suggestion, actually I might be willing to try it but I don't have any very attractive girlfriends - most of my friends are guys actually come to think of it O.o