I don't know why I feel like a loser...people seem to smile at me as I walk by, but here goes.
~I am 19 and still don't have my driver's license
, because I cannot pass the vision test, and all glasses seem to give me double vision. My parents refuse to teach me driving anyway, and my friends are all busy or indifferent to teaching me at college. I don't know how else to get a license, and it makes me feel inferior not to have one.
~I have never had an actual job
, and I have no idea who to put down as a reference source. I do have some professors or family friends I could ask to serve as references, but unfortunately, no one knows me very well because I am somewhat shy and a relative recluse compared to these college students I'm with.
~No matter how good or bad my life, social life, academic life, medical status, or etc are, there are periods of time when I get EXTREMELY depressed
...then moments later feel on top of the world. Not to a manic depressive degree, obviously, but I wish I didn't get so low at times.
~I have a health condition that caused me to withdraw from my second semester
as a freshman, and now I am back to make up classes in the summer. I am still miserable, although I have no roommate now to bug me.
~I like socializing, but apparently only on my own time. But loners don't seem to do well in college
. It is not that I am socially awkward, although sometimes I can be, but I just literally have nothing to say at times...and nothing that I would want to say, or that would fit the scenario. I guess I think too much and too deeply, and am not a fan of pointless fun, like drinking (never do, never intend to in the future, actually) or just "hanging out" for long periods of time, but with the right people the latter can be fun for a short period of time.
~I have never had a boyfriend
. I have never even become close in a best friends kind of way to any members of the opposite sex, and few of my own!
~I am not sure what to do about my major
. I love biology, but I also love editing music videos. I love films, but I hate the hierarchies and types of people who go for film majors. I am in a film club, but the lack of experience I have in comparison to everyone else in the club makes me feel like an outsider, as well as the lack of time due to schedule conflicts with research projects in biology labs. I am also a very psychology/philosophy/English-oriented individual, but those majors do not lead to any jobs I would be interested in having. If I do not make it into medical school (my dream career is in academic medicine, actually), I think I want to do research in neuroscience. But I'm just not sure anymore.
God, I hate my life.
What do I do? Why am I so miserable in college, even when things are going well?