Parents won't let me go to dream school

lissyd73 · 09-30-2012, 10:18 PM

So I'm starting my senior year in high school and have to start applying to colleges soon. My top choice is James Madison University in Harrisonburg, VA (and I'm from central NY). I'm gonna be a clarinet performance major, and JMU has literally got everything I want in a school. Things relating to my major-they have an amazing music program, their clarinet teacher is phenomenal and has a highly impressive résumé, they have a new performing arts center, and their marching band is nationally respected. But apart from their music program, I can just truly see myself fitting in there. They're known for their school spirit which is something very important to me. They're also known for their friendly environment. People are just really welcoming and even when you walk on campus your first time and know no one there, people will still come up to you, introduce themselves, and just start a friendly conversation. That's the kind of environment I want to be in the next 4 years. A place with a strong sense of community. But my parents are against me going that far away (it's like 7 hrs 50 min away). They won't even let me apply. I understand that it is far and traveling will be difficult, but college is supposed to be about becoming independent. My mom wants me to go to a school no farther than 4 hours away, so she can visit me on weekends and go out to lunch with me, which I think is nice but would take away from that feeling of independence and growing up if she's checking on me every other weekend. My dad says that I wouldn't be able to fly because flights are expensive (I looked up how much it would cost to fly home and it was about $410), so I said I could get a part time job on campus to help pay for flights, but he said he won't allow me to get a job, that I'm going to school to study, not work. So I can't fly or take a train since both are expensive, and I also can't be driven there cause it would take 2 days to bring me home/drop me off (1 day for him to drive down, 1 day to drive back). Plenty of other kids go 8+ hours away so I don't see why we can't make it work, especially since this is the only school that truly feels like a best fit. Any advice on how to convince my parents to let me go? Thanks for the help.

ncmentor · 09-30-2012, 10:27 PM

James Madison University is a fine school but I can not imagine that it is "the only school that truly feels like a best fit". - It may be just family dynamics, but something sounds off to me. Anything missing from your story?

lissyd73 · 09-30-2012, 10:31 PM

No. My parents are just overprotective and want me close to home. I did find other schools I liked but they were either too expensive or in a big city (my parents won't let me go to a school in a big city like nyc, Philly, dc, etc) so I've had to take all those schools off my list. JMU seems like the only realistic school that I would be happy at. We could afford it, it's in a small, safe city, it has a great music program, my gpa and sat score meet their average, etc. Just everything feels right about JMU, to me.

lissyd73 · 09-30-2012, 10:35 PM

If it helps, heres some info on my academics:
I have a 3.9 gpa, an act score of 24, sat score of 1650 (1110 not including writing), I take ap and honors classes, Im taking college classes at the suny school in my town, and ive made the top 25 of my class the past 5 years.

cardoza · 09-30-2012, 10:38 PM

If your parents are paying, then you have to listen to them. If not, you are an adult and what college you go to is your choice.

BobWallace · 09-30-2012, 10:40 PM

You don't need your parents' permission to apply to a school, and once you are 18 you don't need their permission to attend. You also don't need their consent to have a job at 18.

I think perhaps what you mean is that they won't spend their money to pay for your dream school?

lissyd73 · 09-30-2012, 10:43 PM

Well they haven't said that. What they said was that JMU is not an option for me because of the distance and that I'm not allowed to apply there so I should stop getting my hopes up. But I honestly would rather get a job during school, take loans, and pay for college on my own to go there, but they just won't let me, even if I will be an adult by then.

lissyd73 · 09-30-2012, 10:45 PM

I don't know how to get them to listen to me. Ill be an adult, and college is supposed to be my decision, but it feels like they're so controlling.

cardoza · 09-30-2012, 10:48 PM

If you truly feel passionate about it, do that then, but understand the fact that you will be dealing with loans for a long time. You may have to put up with your parents being mad at you until you go to college as well. And no, the cannot "jut won't let [you]"

Shrinkrap · 09-30-2012, 10:54 PM

You can't borrow the kind of money you need for tuition by yourself, but you may be able to come up with what you need for the application. Maybe one or both of you will feel differently in the spring. .

lissyd73 · 09-30-2012, 10:58 PM

My parents would never let me pay for college myself. They're already worried about me trying to find a job after college since I'm gonna be a music major, so that on top of college debt is something they don't want for me. We could afford JMU, I just wouldn't be able to come home for every little holiday or weekend off because of the cost of travel, which I'm fine with, but my parents say ill be begging to come home all the time and I won't be able to.

ucbalumnus · 09-30-2012, 10:59 PM

Where have they suggested you to attend, that meets the basic parameters of having your major, being affordable, etc.?

lissyd73 · 09-30-2012, 11:01 PM

And I understand that I might not be able to go there, but I would feel awful if I don't at least apply there. I've been dreaming of going to JMU since my freshman year of high school when my marching band traveled there and competed. Ever since then I've dreamed of going there and marching for them, and with all the research I've done after the trip, I just love so many things about the school. I just want to be able to at least apply.

lissyd73 · 09-30-2012, 11:05 PM

They want me to go to either OCC (Onondaga community college) or suny fredonia. I really don't want to go to a community college, I feel like I'd miss out on the whole freshman experience and just the whole college experience in general, and like I wouldn't really get to grow up since occ is 40 minutes away. I also will have a years worth of credits by the time I graduate so community college isn't really necessary. And then I don't like suny fredonia because of the size, the campus feel, surrounding area, etc. There's also a lot of people from my high school attending fredonia and I want to have a fresh beginning in a new area, and I've been to the area surrounding fredonia quite often since my mom is from that region of New York.

Wordworker · 09-30-2012, 11:05 PM

What do you plan to do with a degree in clarinet performance? What kind of money do you expect to earn?

How sure are you that you can get into James Madison as an out-of-state applicant with good grades but just so-so test scores?

How much does Greyhound cost? Do Boltbus or Megabus go anywhere nearby?

You visited the school as a member of your band. Presumably you looked young and were wearing a uniform and carrying a clarinet. If you were identifiable as a visitor, people may have been especially friendly. It may not be the norm in everyday life.

You always have an option for a gap year. Investigate Americorps City Year, which pays modestly but has a bonus that can be used for school after your year is up. That would get you away from home and able to support yourself for a year. Your parents would be able to start to realize that you simply are gone.