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Do your parents care where you go?

beginningbeginning Posts: 996Registered User Member
edited August 2005 in College Search & Selection
Like others, I'm sure, I've been following this thread: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=85389

I've been alternately encouraged and horrified by some of the things being said there, but I guess that's natural as one of the college kids in question. I've been thinking a lot about it, and I'm wondering how your parents (or how you think your parents) feel about the moving away issue. Have they limited where you can look to go? Are they picking your schools, or crossing ones off the list they don't like? Are they okay with the idea of you moving far away, or do they want you to get away from home so you can live a little?

I'm the youngest of seven and the last at home, so my parents have been through this quite a bit already. I have two sisters living in Florida, one brother on Long Island, and three of us girls in-state (Connecticut) still. Most of the schools I'm looking at are out-of-state, though within driving distance. The closest is Trinity, about three minutes away.

My parents have made it clear to me that they'll support me going anywhere, including overseas, if that's what I want. As my dad always tells me, "I just want you to be happy." They're really sincere about it, and they're involved in the process without being over-the-top with it. To be honest, I think the fact that my parents aren't controlling (or trying to be) is one of the reasons I want to stay near them.

Anyway, how do your parents feel about where you go? I'm wondering what the experience is like for other people. I guess since the parents have their thread, we can have ours. :)
Post edited by beginning on

Replies to: Do your parents care where you go?

  • SoConfusedSoConfused Posts: 81Registered User Junior Member
    My parents used to care, a lot. But I have mellowed my mom down with my actions over the past few years. I don't live with my dad, so I assume he still really cares. (Harvard, Princeton, etc. LOL) Anyway, my mom has seen me transform from a goody-goody to a bad boy, and back to normal, she is just grateful that I still care about where I want to go.
  • semiserioussemiserious Posts: 736Registered User Member
    My mom doesn't CARE, but she is very unrealistic. For example, she thinks that I have a good shot at HYPS and just doesn't listen to me when I explain why I don't have much of a chance at those schools at all. She's always like, "How could they reject you? You're so good at x, y, and z." And I'm thinking, of course you think so, you're my mother.

    My mom is religious and always says things like, "Everything happens for a reason." She's not easily swayed by prestige and she really just wants me to be happy. She kind of wants me to stay close to home and for her sake, I'm applying to University of San Diego, UCSB, UCLA, and USC. I don't believe I will end up staying in Southern California, though.
  • beginningbeginning Posts: 996Registered User Member
    She wants you to stay close to home, but also wants you to look at the Ivy League? Weird!
  • semiserioussemiserious Posts: 736Registered User Member
    She doesn't want me to look at it necessarily, she just believes I could easily get in.
  • Cre8tive1Cre8tive1 Posts: 1,342Registered User Senior Member
    Yes I have a terrible crush over me, my parents are both Stanford grads, within my close family, there are 4 Stanford Grads, 5 UCBerkeley grads (thanks grandpa ;)), a sister at UPenn, and a sister at Wellesley.

    That's a lot to follow, and though my parents will support me wherever I go, I am severely pressured to go to a first tier school, and if I don't get into one, I'll be scared out of my &%$! at family reunion. You almost feel like a safety is not an option...
  • beginningbeginning Posts: 996Registered User Member
    Yikes. Glad I don't have that pressure. Only two of my siblings have Bachelor's degrees, both earned as returning adult students, and neither of my parents finished college (Mom didn't go, Dad majored in Staying Out of 'Nam), so I don't feel too pressured in that area. I really do feel for people who do, however.
  • koala717koala717 Posts: 751Registered User Member
    yeah, i've always been lucky... my parents want me to go wherever i want to go. My mom always says that she would completely support me even if my first choice were Rutgers (not that it's a bad school! but i've been looking at a lot of ivy leagues, etc.) Beginning - I completely understand what you were saying about not minding staying near non-controlling parents. Though I have been dying to get out of NJ for quite a while, my first choice is, quite ironically, Princeton. My parents have already assured me that if I do get it (which i won't, but that's not the point, lol) they will not bother me or force visits on me just because i'm 45 minutes away. So i'd still get the experience of being far from home with the convenience of being near to home. :)
  • beginningbeginning Posts: 996Registered User Member
    That's exactly how I feel. I want to go away so I can grow up -- we're not kids forever! -- and experience life away from the cocoon, but at the same time, I love my parents and want to be able to get to them easily when I need a hug or just want to hang out. (I'll go nuts if I can't aimlessly drive around with my dad, for example. That's our thing, and I can't give it up easily.)

    I can't understand it when parents try to "own" their children. I know they brought us into the world and got us to where we are now, but at the same time, if they treat us like children forever, all that does is hurt us. (I'm sure parents reading that just rolled their eyes, so my apologies.)

    My parents have always just let us go away and come back when we need them, and I think that's the most loving thing they could do. Rather than trying to prevent us from moving on, or going to far as to resent us once we do it, they just view it as a natural and healthy part of life.

    I have two siblings who call literally every day, usually multiple times, and the others call almost every day. I'm sure I'll be the same way. I think we each have that relationship with Mom and Dad because we were never forced to have it.
  • thethoughtprocessthethoughtprocess Posts: 4,167Registered User Senior Member
    my parents wanted me to go to columbia or dartmouth, somewhere within a reasonable driving distance

    of course that was only a preference, I don't think they minded too much about a further distance (I live in Northeast by the way)
  • A2Wolves6A2Wolves6 Posts: 4,232Registered User Senior Member
    I'm the youngest in a family of 3, and my two older brothers never had decent enough grades to get into a university, so they both wound up at a community college. Then I come in, and get As and Bs, and they don't really treat me differently. I've been doing everything on my own. When I try and talk to them about possibilities of schools, they ask "Why not go to community college for 2 years and transfer". So basically, they want me to go to a community college, instead of a top 50 university. They haven't been control freaks. I just think they are at the point where they believe i'm mature enough to make my own decisions, whether that's who to hang out with, drugs, school, and colleges.
  • Crash_BlairCrash_Blair Posts: 608Registered User Member
    semiserious, my mom's the same way.... and then i'd be like, "well where ELSE would you want me to go?" and she'd be like "why would you need to go anywhere else?" because she'll think i'll get in easily because i'm so wonderful... ahahahaha :)
  • warblersrulewarblersrule Posts: 8,688Super Moderator Senior Member
    My parents really wanted me to stay in-state. Considering I had choices like UNC Chapel Hill, Duke, Davidson, Wake Forest, etc., I guess that wasn't so bad. I used to really, really want to go out-of-state (Chicago), but now that I'm going to go to Duke (which fits me well), I realize that I really do like staying in-state.
  • allypooallypoo Posts: 52Registered User Junior Member
    My parents definitely care about my college choice, but not in the prestige-whore sense. I've discussed my aspirations, and they approve - though, not choosing any East Coast schools 3500 miles away probably helped that.

    So far, I have expressed the most interest in going to LA for school - Occidental, to be exact - and I have been amazed with the cooperation I've met. It's the "You just need to be happy" mentality that makes things work.

    Also, they know that I'm mature enough to make rational decisions, which is probably why things have been simple so far. And even if I left, there's still my brother (two years younger) left at home - my mom expects him to be there for another 10 years. =P
  • kinglinkinglin Posts: 2,296Registered User Senior Member
    Parents say I can go out of state, but can't go outside the mid-west :(
    I can go anywhere in the mid-west.
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