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Read my unconvential Columbia short essays?

SaugusSaugus Posts: 3,880Registered User Senior Member
edited December 2013 in Columbia University
Tell us something meaningful about one of the above publications:

"For the past four years, College Confidential has been a second home to me as I meticulously constructed each portion of my application, so that it was impeccable. College Confidential taught me that an SAT score of 2250 just wasn't good enough, and correctly advised me to sit in my room with a box of hot pockets and a Barron's review book rather than go outside and do something constructive for this world. It paid off, as at the expense of 3,000 hours of my life which I will never have back, I gained 90 points, thus bringing my score to an acceptable 2340 superscored.

However, they also instructed me that it was pivotal to appear "well-rounded" and "passionate" to admissions officers. My original intention was to join Key Club and accrue ~50,000 community service hours. Unfortunately, "standing out" was also a requirement for admission to a top school such as Yale. With this in mind, I founded a Rotary Interact club and faked my way all the way to the rank of Governor for my college applications. After that, I travailed to build and chair an international council so that I could look even more impressive to admissions officers.

Unfortunately, I will be a victim of one of the great crimes in this world: affirmative action. As an "overrepresented minority," I am apparently a second-class human being. If I am rejected, this will be the sole reason why. College Confidential has given me a means to commiserate with others over this disgusting racism."

Favorite academic class and why:

"AP United States History was my favorite academic class of all time, primarily because the lessons it taught me can be applied to contemporary politics. I used the knowledge I obtained from this rigorous course to solidify my conservative beliefs, which will fit in well at Columbia.

I am a staunch opponent of progressive taxation for reasons obvious to even the most obtuse Brown student. The historical evidence is bountiful. The higher the tax rates on the rich, the worse the state of the country. This is why Presidents who imposed near flat-rate taxes, such as Herbert Hoover, oversaw thriving economies, while morons such as FDR, Truman, and Bill Clinton oversaw horrible ones. Perhaps the greatest villain in American history, though, is Dwight D. Eisenhower, who imposed a 91% tax rate for the top bracket. Mr. Eisenhower was widely considered by the American public to be a vile creature fit only for the sewers, and today many remain appalled at the disastrous projects which occurred during his administration, such as the Interstate Highway system. Also, Grover Norquist is always right.

Like Michele Bachmann, I am strongly in favor of terminating the U.S. embassy in Iran due to the country's extreme hostility towards us and their backwards religious beliefs. Also, considering our past success in Vietnam and Iraq, I feel that declaring war on them is the most viable option at this time. Or maybe we could stage a coup.

I also like the class because I got a 5 on the exam."

What you find most appealing about Columbia:

"The first reason I selected Columbia University as my safety school is because it is an Ivy League school which will open many doors to me in the future. Once I get in, I can tell everyone I meet that I attend an Ivy League school, and they will gawk at its prestige. I suffer from an inferiority complex and thus need a big-name school to hide my insecurity. Also, Ivy League schools are the only places where one can get a decent education. Upon graduation, I will be able to get a job at Goldman Sachs and scam all of the peasants in this world out of their hard earned money. Columbia is instantly going to make me successful.

The second reason why I will attend Columbia (if Princeton doesn't take me off their deferral list) is because of its top-notch business education. The Leonard Stern School of Business is one of the premier undergraduate business programs in the country and will allow me to indulge in fascinating intellectual subjects such as stochastic calculus and corporate law, both of which were invented by Leonardo Di Caprio during the Renaissance. Although Wharton undeniably offers the best undergraduate business education, my lifelong fear of African-Americans precludes me from living in Philadelphia.

Finally, I have an obsession with James Franco. He has, in the past, attempted to file restraining orders against me. However, I remain steadfast in my lifelong ambition to get his autograph or whatever else it is people expect him to do once they meet him."

Field of interest:

"I feel that economics is the ultimate social science and the only truly objective analysis of society, and I am intrigued by the insight it provides into human motives and predictability. Economics is very flexible and can be applied to almost anything, from maximizing a firm's output to deciding how to spend a Friday night. For someone who isn't entirely sure about his future, economics is a very safe major choice.

Modern-day American politics is little more than a circus. The GOP is filled with clowns who believe the earth is 6,000 years and old and deny global warming. To me, the obvious choice in any election is the non-Republican, despite the unprincipled and weak nature of Democrats. But I am very interested in learning about the various factors behind voter mentality, what compels people to lean to the right, and public policy.

Although the economics-political science major is my top choice, I was disappointed at the lack of a Women's Studies-Neuroscience and Behavior combination. Taught by newly-hired Columbia professor Lawrence Summers, this novel and dynamic major would focus on the inferior aptitudes of females with regard to math and science and their ensuing futures in kitchens all across the world. It would also seek to explain why the lesser-gender is always complaining. I'm also shocked that there is no religion-biology major. It's not like they contradict each other or anything like that."
Post edited by Saugus on
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