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May you proofread my NHS essay and critique me on it? I had this shortened by a friend as well...

ohitstheogmeohitstheogme Registered User Posts: 2 New Member
May you proofread my NHS essay and critique me on it? I had this shortened by a friend as well to help me fit the One Page max. as I had it up to about 2.5 pages! Thank you very much :) let me know if i should be more "carefree" or "stricter" or anything!

A thing to (maybe?) note is that my school is a private school and there is a religion as well, catholic! (Not sure if all private have a religion or anything so I just wanted to clarify because I know a few places that don't!)

National Honor Society
I am deeply honored to be considered for the National Honor Society. Having learned about the National Honor Society, I am extremely delighted to be eligible for such an amazing organization. In addition to my required coursework and my extracurricular activities, I have been participating in an online Chinese language and culture course. Learning more about China is important because it is my heritage and I am a first generation American. Through my numerous activities, such as playing field hockey to singing in the choir at --my high school--, I have created long lasting friendships and relationships among my peers and teachers; these have shaped me into the person I am today. Before coming to --my high school--, I can remember volunteering at the Keystone Villa in --my area--; I played a piece on the piano for the residents. Their gratitude has remained with me to this day. Upon coming to --my high school--, I found that --a teacher-- was offering a tutoring class at --tutoring center--. Helping at --tutoring center-- sparked my love of helping others in the community. I try to take advantage of the volunteering opportunities --my high school-- offers; I love meeting new people. One thing that makes me love my job at --my job-- so much is the environment and the great people there. Though I haven't had many chances to become a leader in a club or organization, in instances where adults, teachers, or coaches have asked me to lead a team or help a group of kids, I am extremely reliable. However, I am proud to say that I will be the Secretary of the International Club this upcoming school year. All in all, I do believe that with my past experiences and skills, I can help contribute to our nonprofit organization and help the communities of our school, families, and others.
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