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Parent/Child College Debate

howfarcanyougohowfarcanyougo Registered User Posts: 1 New Member
I'm a senior in high school and I plan to attend college to study a STEM major. However, my mother does not want me to go to any college except for the college campus in my hometown. The problem with that is the school not only offers few majors – about 6 undergraduate degrees – , the school does not offer my choice of major. So of course I talk to my mother about other college options, but whenever I mention any other college, she is vehemently negative about it. She doesn't understand that there opportunities for me elsewhere – not to mention the college experience and personal growth I would gain. Also, she has never been to college, and I would be the first to do so. I really want to major in computer science but my mother makes it so hard for me to share with her my thoughts and plans. From now on, I won't tell her anything about my career goals, nor mention any college programs because she is only cutting my dreams and career aspirations off.

Replies to: Parent/Child College Debate

  • sashachupsashachup Registered User Posts: 3 New Member
    First of all, who is paying for your college? If it's your mother, you will have to make sacrifices regarding where to go. If you have another way of paying, I say follow your dreams. I know that it might hurt your mother if you leave, but at the end of the day, it's your life and you will end up resenting her if you settle. As a compromise, you could try going to a school that is nearby, so that you can come home on weekends and visit often. Even though it's rough, you're going to have to eventually talk to her about it again, especially when you start sending in applications.
  • doschicosdoschicos Registered User Posts: 13,262 Senior Member
    Sounds like she is afraid for herself - of untying the apron strings and letting you leave the nest.

    Can you get her discuss why exactly she isn't open to other colleges farther from home? Exact reasons in a non-confrontational way? Just sit down and talk about it?

    Perhaps see if she will go with you to visit another college so she might get more comfortable and open to the idea?
  • intparentintparent Registered User Posts: 28,339 Senior Member
    You need your mother to fill out financial aid paperwork for you (including to get federal loans). So you can't just ignore her. Is part of her concern cost, so she wants you to live at home to save money? Could you do two years st this college or a community college, then transfer as a compromise?
  • mom2collegekidsmom2collegekids Registered User Posts: 82,271 Senior Member
    Unless you have the stats to get a merit scholarship free ride, you're going to need your mom on board.

    What is the situation? Perhaps she's concerned about cost and doesn't know about FA or merit. Maybe she just wants you to stay local because she thinks that's all that y'all can afford.

    Are you low income?
    What does your dad say?
    What are your stats?
    What is your home state?
  • twoinanddonetwoinanddone Registered User Posts: 13,297 Senior Member
    Try to get your mother more involved in the decision making. Does your high school host a college fair or do schools visit? Is there a fair in a nearby town? Can you get her to visit a bigger school (state flagship, a known private school)?

    My kids were able to find some nice schools they'd never considered, and I learned a lot about affording colleges too when attending these fairs. Parents see sticker prices of $70k and don't even want to consider those schools. We parents also read about drug use and deaths at some schools, about crimes and other bad things that happen. It's scary. Be kind to your mother's fears and help her see that there are safe, affordable options.

    Agree to go on a tour of the local school if she'll agree to go to another school of your choice. You might find out about opportunities at your local school that you didn't know about (study abroad, a joint program with another school). Ask questions about your interests and your mother might hear how they aren't available at that school and see why you want to go farther away. She might learn at the bigger school that there is a honors college with its own dorm and you won't be living in a big 24 hour party tower. She might learn about scholarships that will make the cost similar to the college in your town.
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