Next Moves

[BedHead]

Stick with the things I said first. You have one you are interested in and you are working on her. Now go and ask out some other women. You'll be more confident in all cases. This might not work completely well for you right now with all, but trust me on this. Read my other posts on this. This is the way it works; she'll sense your confidence if you have other dates and you'll have it.

If she's not into running, you are taking a risk asking her to do that. It is better to find out what she likes without being obvious about it, and work within her comfort zone.

The general thing you want to do is to demonstrate that she can have fun with you. When you ask her out, what works for me is "hey, I have a ticket to such and such, would you like to go?" Rather than "hey do you want to go out?"

Depending on how much time you have, what works well for me is to leave everything a mystery but to have everything planned. So ask her is she can go out next Tuesday and without making a big deal out of any of it, let it all unfold as a mystery. If she asks you what you want to do, just tell her there are a couple of places you wanted to take her, no big deal. First you take her to a restaurant saying "I wanted to show you this place." And then "so I bought us some tickets to _____. It starts in an hour." Make it look effortless and really flow. This works better for city life where there are so many options. But it's a subtle thing that puts you in charge (most women like that no matter what they say), but is easy and fun.

The key is you've got to be taking her to places she doesn't know and you've got to pay for it all since to do otherwise would ruin the mood. You don't have to do extravagant things, but you want to communicate implicitly: "I value you enough to show you a good time, I am a good time, and I have ideas." But you never say any of this stuff, you just show it.

And this is true of warming up for a kiss-- you don't do any of it through direct verbal approach. Touch her not in obvious or offensive ways, but teasingly and smilingly. If she does the same back, she is warming up to you and at some reasonable point maybe after a date or two you need to act on it and confidently go in for a kiss. And if she spurns you, just brush it off. You could even say: "I had to try. You're that way -- beautiful, I mean." And then just move on as nothing happened and you can try again later.

Often when a girl calls you loser jokingly and the like she is on some level threatened by how she feels about you. Laugh it off -- and do find ways to best her at the verbal jousts. Think of things you can say beforehand that will sound natural and ras her back. Be very good humored and cryptic: "Be very afraid." You: "Watch it. You don't want to know what happened to the last woman who called me a loser." Her: "What happened?" You: "She fell madly in love with me." Or: "She surrendered herself completely to me. I won." And then laugh. Whatever. Just go with what sounds right, but isn't too obvious.

When to call and the other stuff, do it naturally not too eagerly. Call her to ask her out for specific things, not do you want to go out like I said, but do you want to go out to do such and such. And then if she says she can't go out with another woman to do that thing (not that you tell her you are going out with someone else). Knowing that you are moving on in this way (by not asking her out for another night) subtly makes her feel like she is rejected and could lose you. You don't just want to ask her again and again to things she says no to. Then you are the one rejected. She may have something she's actually doing for the night you ask her out. Don't take it personally. But if she says, well can we go out out Thursday instead (for instance) it would be good if said well I was thinking about doing such and such that night. Why don't you come with me? Don't be too obvious with games and hopefully you actually have something going on that night. If it's not something you want her in on tell her you can't do it that night. And tell her you'll work out another time that you have some stuff going on. You'll get back to her.

Good luck.