To the Duke Admissions Committee,
I will never be able to thank you enough for accepting me. Harvard, Yale, Princeton, and Stanford all thought I wasn't worth it. They all thought nothing would ever become of me, that I'm destined for failure. They're wrong. You and I both know the truth. I'm going to go to Duke, get a 3.9 GPA, a 179 on the LSAT, and I'm going to get into ALL OF THEM for law school (well, except Princeton, since it doesn't have one).....and turn down all of them except one. They'll be begging to have me in 4 years, all thanks to your help.
Let's do this together, Duke. We all know that the more beautiful, socially competent smart kids choose you, anyway