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I have to appeal a financial aid suspension. I already spoke to my financial aid office and explained my situation and they said to put it in a letter and I might have a good chance in getting the suspension appealed. I'm not sure that all of what I put in is appropriate, I think I only took one shot at mild humor which is good for me in a nerve wracking situation, but mostly I'm worried about professionalism and organization. It would really help a lot if someone could proofread it and let me know what you think. I did put a bit in my letter about my intended career path because my academic adviser suggested I did after I explained my aspirations to her. I'm mostly worried about the first two sentences of my last paragraph. Anyway, here it is: (Any help will be VERY much appreciated)
Dear Financial Aid Committee :
My name is XX and I am writing this letter in hopes that the decision to suspend my Financial Aid could be reconsidered. Although my grades were poor this past semester, my GPA does not reflect my capability and determination to succeed and reach my academic goals. My mother had a stroke this past October during my first semester at XX. She then had another stroke, though smaller, this past February during my second semester at XX. My mother is doing better now, but the stress of my mothers medical condition as well as suddenly becoming responsible for the upkeep of our house and the wellbeing of my two younger brothers took its toll on me. Studying for a new major after transferring to XXX also proved much more difficult for me than I originally thought. I love computers, and Im considered quite the cyber geek, but I struggle with math; however, I am capable of making academic progress and earning acceptable grades. When I began schooling this past Spring, I did not have a sufficient plan for managing my time and balancing my classes with my other life responsibilities. I am aware now of the mistakes I have made and am asking for one more chance to show XXX University that I can succeed academically. Please know that school is of great importance to me and I have come up with a new plan for the following semester to manage my time and school work; I believe it will be very effective for me and I will bring all of my grades and cumulative grade point average up to, or above, XX's acceptable academic standard policy.
My new academic plan is as follows:
I have hired a tutor who I believe is a very good match for me and is wonderful at explaining mathematical concepts that I have difficulty with.
I will contact my instructor if there is something I do not understand or if I have any doubts or questions about any course materials and communicate more with all of my instructors than I have in the past.
If I am having trouble with coursework in any of my classes, I will contact my tutor or another tutor immediately.
I will no longer work 60+ hours a week as it has obviously been more than I can handle while also attending school full time. I have only one job now and have made arrangements with my employer to only work 35 hours a week. I believe this will give allow me ample time to study while also allowing me to be sociable and feel productive outside of school and earn money to continue paying back my student loans.
I will make more of an effort to participate in school activities as I have found (although very late)that this improves my mood and enables me to meet great study partners.
My general practitioner believes I am a strong candidate for adult ADHD. She has referred me to a psychiatrist with whom I have already made an appointment. I will be undergoing evaluation this summer and will likely have a solution for my problems with focusing and concentration before the beginning of fall term. I will be more than happy to provide documentation after my evaluation if I qualify for my suspected condition and if it is required by the school or this committee.
While my familys EFC might make it appear that our own funds are enough to pay my tuition, hospital bills, an ongoing divorce, the cost of a current custody battle over my younger brothers, my mothers own education costs, and debt leave my family unable to contribute any money to my education. My greatest hope right now is to finish my Bachelor's degree in computer science, however I have no intention of using my degree to simply survive or earn as much money as I can. Rather, I have a dream of following a family tradition of saving and improving lives. Technology is used to facilitate human trafficking and black market medicine more every year. My goal is to combine a degree in Computer Science with one in Criminal Justice and work for the FBI or for my familys Private Investigation company to combat these heinous practices. I am determined to do whatever is necessary to achieve this goal which begins with a good education. That is why I am grateful to have been accepted to XXX University. The atmosphere here is wonderful, the classes are certainly challenging, most of the professors seem very knowledgeable and enthusiastic about the subject they teach, the other faculty members that I have had the pleasure of meeting have been very kind and helpful, and the friends I have made are terrific, so I very much want to stay and complete my degree here. Without student loans, however, I will be financially unable to continue my studies at XX. Please know that I am extremely focused on my future and my dedication to my education is paramount. Please allow me a second chance to prove that I can be a model student and achieve academic excellence.