marco524

State: Georgia
GPA: 3.95-4.1
AP's: AP LANG, CALC BC, CHEM, USH, World Hist, Gov., MacroEcon, Lit and Comp.
I got 3 4's , and 5 5's on the exams. My school also offers IB, but I chose to do AP because I wanted to focus on Music and deter from continuing French.
EC'S: Founder/President Latin American Organization
President: Gay Straight Alliance
Principal Cellist, Buckhead Youth Orchestra, Dekalb Orch., Atlanta Youth Orchestra
I've done 100- hours of community service at the modern art museum here
I've worked at various musical events, I travel a lot, particularly to Peru, where I do theatre, and I help out with housing..
School Newspaper
Princeton Summer Journalism Program - Selected for a small group of 20 student journalists, minorities.
Harvard Crimson Academy...

Ethnicity: Latino, Swedish-Peruvian, Irish-Peruvian. (Half Swede, Half Irish-Peruvian)

My low GPA is due to the fact that I've attended three high schools, including a semester in Peru.

Essay:

“Marco, llama la policia!!!!!”

I was sleeping when I heard my mother shout. I had already woken once before and upon noticing my parents were engaged in a heated argument, I decided the best action to take was to return to sleep. The argument would probably develop in its usual format: fist-fights, screaming, punching and threats to call the police. My mother usually assumes I will be the one to call the police, though I never do.

After hearing her shout, I let out a sigh. Sighs are enjoyable. They are not meant to just express grief, they’re meant to help you relax and to give you company. Since my sister lives in Peru and I wouldn’t dare bring my friends to the shack I live in, I am thankful for this company.

I wonder if this cycle of arguments, fights and arguments shall ever end. It’s been going on for almost five years now, and sometimes I feel like killing myself or just escaping to a far away land.

Life at home has worsened since last year. It’s no one’s fault but my parents, though I don’t even think I can blame them. I think they are on the verge of insanity, or at least one of them is.

I do not have anyone to relate my life at home to. I wish I did.
I wish I knew someone who is startled by his mother in the middle of night on her nightly routine to scream at his father, a man who has made countless mistakes. I wish I knew someone who--the next morning--promptly arrives to school, looking forward to his Analysis class because it is the only thing in his life that truly seems to make sense. I wish I knew a boy who reads the New York Times every day, especially the Dowd and Collins columns, because he wants to remain informed despite his lack of television and internet access. I wish I knew someone who goes to church to try and find faith in the midst of problems.

Finally, I wish I could convey to you, reader, all of the events of my life in the past five years. I wish you knew all the times I cried because I was scared, and all the times I neglected to do my homework for Chemistry or Biology or French because I was depressed or sad or simply hopeless.

What I can convey to you is that I have never lost hope. I have had my low points and my downright suicidal points, but somehow, by pulling myself up and wishing for the best, I have managed to continue my journey through high school.

I can now turn away from unhappy moments, for I am close to finding what I’ve always wanted, a chance at a calm, enriching life.

tanzy92

Touching Essay. You had a dominant theme and I like that.
I think you have a chance for Harvard. Im applying there for 2014 too. Its Ivy, so you can never tell what they'll base your acceptance/rejection on.

But good luck.

amplifiar842

It is touching, but you generally don't want to include current or recent thoughts of suicide. Unfortunately, doing this gives them two ways of looking at you: with pity or with grave hesitancy, as if you pose some sort of liability. You don't want them to pity you...you want them to respect you. So be careful with this.

Minor typos and grammar issues...you'll want to make sure your essay is flawless by the time you submit it.

You might also find a reader who interprets your parents' fighting as an abusive situation...and if your mom is thus the victim, they might wonder why you never intervene, if only by calling the police on her behalf. Yes, it's a tough situation, but they might view that as a passive route.

I'd avoid contractions and ending sentences with prepositions. Comma splices are a big no-no. Passive voice and relying on present perfect are even bigger no-no's.

Not trying to bring you down - just trying to offer some suggestions for perfecting your essay.

3.95 is a good GPA.