TheEntrepreneur

So my cousin was accepted into Harvard last year for taking a satirical approach for his essay. I do have to mention, he had outstanding transcript and extracurriculars, though. I know it was risky, but apparently he was accepted. His idea was to throw something new into the formulaic "college application". My question is, should I show my wry sense of humor with an essay like his?

The Best of the Better
After taking a look at Harvard on Wikipedia for the fifth time, I finally learned how to correctly spell Massachusetts; in fact, I finally learned how to correctly spell university. Moments like these characterize me the most: I am always learning new things like these by challenging myself.

My greatest challenge has been staying put in school. Normally, I have an impulse to just ditch class; I mean, it’s not like we do anything anyways and learning is for nerds. However, for my senior year so far, I have ditched less than half my classes! The trick is to fall asleep, unless you sleep walk. You may ask, what I learned from challenging myself to stay put in class. No, I did not learn my countries capital or the periodic tables of elegance. Instead, I researched my disorder on Google and learned I had Tourette’s syndrome.

Next, I have always pushed myself to the limits by thinking about hard stuff. On time, I even multiplied a two digit number, IN MY HEAD!! ANOTHER TIME… OH GOD, HOW DO I TURN OF CAPS LOCK? SHOOT! NOW YOU’RE GOING TO THINK I’M YELLING AT YOU WHILE READING THIS PAPER, BUT I’M NOT! HONESTLY, WHY IS THERE A CAPS LOCK BUT NO CAPS UNLOCK… ANYWAYS, I HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, THAT TWO DIGIT NUMBER WAS 20, BUT I WAS SURE TO CHALLENGE MYSELF THOUGH. KUDOS FOR THAT?

IT IS SINCERITY LIKE THAT WHICH I AM ALSO KNOWN FOR. LIKE I WILL BE HONEST AND SAY I CHEATED EVERY TEST I TOOK BY LOOKING OFF THE PEOPLE NEXT TO ME, BUT DIDN’T GET CAUGHT BY MY TEACHERS. WHEN MY TEACHER WAS SUSPICIOUS, I WOULD SAY I WAS ABOUT TO SNEEZE. I MEAN, ALL MY TEACHERS BOUGHT MY STORY, AND EVEN PUT ME IN A SEPARATE DESK IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM SO I WOULDN’T SNEEZE ON ANYBODY. ALSO, I WAS FRANK WHEN I OVERCAME PEER PRESSURE BY SAYING NO TO DRUGS. ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK, A FRIEND OFFERED ME A CIGGERRETTE, AND I SAID, “NO. YOU’RE DISGUSTING. I DON’T WANT TO DIE FROM LUNG CANCER.”

YOU MAY ASK ME, WHY HARVARD? HARVARD IS THE TOP AND I WANT TO CHALLENGE MYSELF. ALSO, ROOSEVELT FRANKLIN ONCE SAID, “EARLY TO BED, EARLY TO RISE MAKES A MAN HEALTHY, WEALTHY, AND WISE”. I’M DEFINITLY WISE THEN, BECAUSE I SLEEP PRETTY EARLY. AFTER ALL, THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM. SINCE I AM SO SMART, AND HARVARD IS THE BEST, IF LIFE GIVES ME LEMONS, CAN MAKE DELICIOUS LEMONAID. I WILL DO GOOD. I WILL KEEP MY EYE ON THE BALL, PUT MY HEART INTO IT, AND SHOOT FOR THE MOON.

IN TURN, A HARVARD EDUCATION WILL ALLOW ME TO FULFILL MY HIGHEST AMBITIONS! I ASPIRE TO ACHIEVE… DARN, I REACHED THE PAGE LIMIT

RileyJohn

#1 the only thing funny about this was the cap's lock part. If you're going to go all out, i'm sure it can be done better.
#2 don't lie to us. This is obviously your essay and you're too embarrassed to be judged on it! You don't even have a cousin!

smoda61

I truly do not believe that this was the essay of an admitted student . Sorry. I could not even bring myself to read the whole thing. If I am wrong about this being an admitted student's essay then the rest of the application was exceedingly strong and he was admitted based upon those other components.

Affe

One, I didn't find it funny.
Two, I didn't feel like I learned anything about the applicant.

Honestly, I find it to be just a bad essay, but what do I know? Maybe Harvard will love it...

Romanticism

That was probably the worst college admissions essay I've ever read.

pigs_at_sea

^ I second romanticism

trying too hard to be funny....it's not funny
and the caps lock made me stop reading..it feels like you're screaming

mifune

The essay needs to be more intellectual. There are misspellings and far too many cliches. Also, admitting that you "ditch" your classes and were drunk at one point in your life is not attractive and should be kept personal.

Vince011

"LEMONAID" ..lol

cuhloe

im not sure about these people, but you definitely made ME laugh!

cadillac

this is depressing.

187

To describe this essay as satirical puts on a more intelligent connotation to this essay than it really is. Making blunt remarks and "pretending" to act stupid would probably not make them laugh. If you want to employ humor and wry remarks, I'm sure they would enjoy more subtle/cryptic hints.

DefyLegacy

I second 187. Satire can't be obvious; that's what makes it amusing. I'm sure many people have gotten into Harvard using well written, satirical essays, but I don't believe this would necessarily be one of them. Making yourself sound unintelligent does not make you a clever writer. Anybody can be this bluntly sarcastic. Try to disguise it.

I am not saying you should scrap the idea all together, just that you should reconsider your approach. And remember, essays are a chance to prove that you are a fantastic writer. No matter what you do, make sure that comes across.

jewels03

Your cousin's essay was probably satire with a point; yours lacks focus (seriously, no pun intended). If you have Tourette's, then talk about it from a funny point of view. If you don't, then you're kind of mocking those who do? Which isn't funny... The essay is kind of funny, but in a Captain Underpants, slapstick way. I don't think that's the kind of funny they are looking for.

xAAAx

this is so corny and stupid i actually lol'd

felixbloch

I stopped reading when it became capital. How can somebody read this? Seriously? Second, as far as I know Tourettes exists from the early childhood onward, he would have known if he had tourettes - you don't google it and realize "Oh, I must have tourettes". Third, its not funny at all...