feeling alienated at my internship

heinrich · 07-20-2009, 03:33 PM

i have 1 more semester in college after this summer internship. i'm starting to really hate my internship even though the work isnt that bad. I feel like I don't really get along with any of my coworkers, who are mostly the same age as me. They are not mean or anything, but they all just seem to have a clique of which I am not part of. i was invited to lunch with a few coworkers for the first week and accepted every offer, but havent been invited since then. for some of the lunch days, i had a normal friendly chat with some coworkers. the other times, when there were more coworkers, i didnt say much as they all mostly talked about drinking and partying which i rarely did in college. Since then, they all go out to lunch together sometimes and invite pretty much everyone but me.

When presented the chance, I've made myself seem available for friendship by having friendly chats with a few of the coworkers. yet they are part of the clique and dont invite me to anything

i was really looking towards this internship to see if i could make my post-college friends, but it seems like i'm not even getting a chance to as i'm not invited to anything, and its mostly at work that we get to chat about non-work related stuff

luckily i only have to tolerate this for 1 more month. at this rate, theres no way i want to accept a full-time position here after i graduate in December even if i dont get a full-time offer elsewhere

Mrs Weasley · 07-20-2009, 03:39 PM

Why don't you just ask them? Ask someone with whom you have chatted if they'd like to join you for lunch. Or say something like, "Where is everyone going for lunch? Can I join you?" If you appear to disapprove of them, they aren't likely to invite you. You could also ask if anyone is interested in going to a movie after work one day. Or suggest dinner after work. Or find something really interesting to do one weekend and see if any of them are also going or if they'd like to join you.

TheAllMightyYak · 07-20-2009, 04:12 PM

I'd also say that you inviting them to go eat lunch one day would be a good idea. Try a place with a wide variety of food so you don't get "Oh I don't eat _____."

Japher · 07-21-2009, 10:17 AM

Friendship is a two way street. Perhaps you aren't being invited because you never showed interest by making an effort.

bluebubbles · 07-21-2009, 10:49 AM

What Japher said, but also look into things a bit further. What kind of person are you? What kind of people are they? If you're on completely different planets in terms of sociability (yes, cliques, sorry these will follow you throughout life) and the kinds of things you like to do, then it's going to be a lot harder.

You hinted at that with the partying comment. Are they different from you in other ways? Sadly, some people these days only surround themselves with people who are exactly like them, which seems to be the case here.

heinrich · 07-21-2009, 12:54 PM

'What kind of person are you? What kind of people are they? If you're on completely different planets in terms of sociability (yes, cliques, sorry these will follow you throughout life) and the kinds of things you like to do, then it's going to be a lot harder.

You hinted at that with the partying comment. Are they different from you in other ways? Sadly, some people these days only surround themselves with people who are exactly like them, which seems to be the case here.'

well, if any of this matters, my hobbies are different from theirs.

'Perhaps you aren't being invited because you never showed interest by making an effort.'

the other 2 new interns never made much effort, yet they always get invited and are now part of their clique. then again, they all fit in much better than me

Mrs Weasley · 07-21-2009, 01:12 PM

There's no purpose served by comparing the effortless assimilation of others to your own situation. If you want to be friends with someone, make an effort to be friendly and don't worry about how easily others may have made the same friends. If you want these people to like you, you should just be nice, show an interest, reciprocate their friendly overtures.

If you don't fit in with the interns, try to meet the new hires -- the folks who graduated from college this year or last and found permanent employment where you work. Frankly, if you act like an adult and are friendly enough, you should be able to have adult friends of a variety of ages and not have to limit yourself to folks your age.

heinrich · 07-21-2009, 02:20 PM

'If you want these people to like you, you should just be nice, show an interest, reciprocate their friendly overtures.'

i already have

anyways, its pretty much 1 guy who invites everyone to lunch, and most of them accept, without inviting me as well. i might be the only one he never invites

Mrs Weasley · 07-21-2009, 02:24 PM

Then move on and make friends with coworkers you feel respond well to your gestures of friendship. Why limit yourself to only being friends with interns?

UT12 · 07-21-2009, 04:00 PM

"anyways, its pretty much 1 guy who invites everyone to lunch, and most of them accept, without inviting me as well. i might be the only one he never invites

He's playing politics and building relationships. Your best bet is to learn from him because you are going to have a tough career if you are unable to fit in with teams both socially and professionally.

Take this as a learning experience.

heinrich · 07-21-2009, 04:56 PM

'Then move on and make friends with coworkers you feel respond well to your gestures of friendship. Why limit yourself to only being friends with interns?

its a fairly isolating job (computer programming), so lunch is easily the best chance to chat with coworkers. the ones who 'respond well to [my] gestures of friendship', get invited to lunch but not me, so i dont get much chance to talk to them.

Mrs Weasley · 07-21-2009, 06:07 PM

Sorry, that doesn't fly with me since all of my internships were programming jobs and I never had trouble meeting the folks who worked where I worked.

Stop making excuses and start making more effort.

christalena2 · 07-22-2009, 01:46 AM

This kinda feels like sixth grade again. "She didn't invite me to her birthday party, so I won't invite her to mine."

heinrich · 07-22-2009, 02:08 PM

^comparing me to a 6th grader? wow... what your problem?

Mrs Weasley · 07-22-2009, 02:16 PM

heinrich, Review your posts on this forum. Do they all seem to be about your unfortunate life? Or have you tried to help others, perhaps posting something positive about the school you attend or your program of study or how you found your internship? How much like your forum posts would it be to try to talk to you in person?