mysweetmorphine

I've kind of found a voice instructor, one of my friends who has a lot more training than I do.

I play a lot of instruments actually. I started out at school playing guitar and singing, and have since moved to bass. I also play piano and french horn.

I have a therapist, I just don't feel like she really listens to me that much. My boyfriend has suggested someone I see, but my parents keep forgetting to call him. A few years ago I had a very trustworthy therapist, but my parents won't let me see him anymore because he didn't agree with the necessity of treatment centers.

I'm pretty close with my mom actually, but both my parents and I are changing.. I used to talk to her about everything, and now she doesn't have the time or just doesn't care. She's told my boyfriend (he's part of the family now you could say) that she loves me a lot, but she doesn't really like the person I am.

dancersmom

I hope that you will sit down and have a heart to heart with your mom. It may feel like "she just doesn't care", but, trust me, she cares very much. There's no greater heartache for a parent than to watch their child suffer. Your parents may be hoping that since you have completed your time in the residential center and that you are seeing a therapist that you are well on your way to recovery. That is something that I know they very much want to believe. Since you feel that your therapist is not hearing you, you need to get that point across to your parents. Not every therapist is a good match for every client. Find a time when your parents can focus exclusively on you and tell them what is on your mind. If necessary, tell your mom and dad that you need to make an appointment with them to talk ! Let them know that you and your therapist are not making progress and that you would like to find someone else. Tell them your concerns about college. Your mom and dad have obviously been through the college application "thing" since they are both lawyers. Ask your parents to help you find a real voice teacher. IMHO, a friend who has "a lot more training" than you do is no substitute for an experienced adult voice teacher. (If you need some suggestions about how to find a good teacher in your area, send me a P.M.)

You mentioned that both you and your parents are changing. That is normal and happens in all families as the children mature. The major job of all teens is to gradually move away from the family nest and graduate into adult life. I think it is pretty common for a teen to feel less close to mom and dad than when she was younger. When a family has been through a crisis, as your family has, it is natural for every family member to develop some "self-protective" devices. Sometimes they take the form of putting distance between themselves and the problem. Your parents may be trying very hard not to see that you still have problems because acknowledging that you do would hurt too much. I believe that your parents love you very much and want to help you move on to a healthy, productive adult life. It sounds to me that they are trying to be supportive: they have bought a house for you and your boyfriend to live in during college and they have included your boyfriend as part of the family. They need to hear that you have concerns that are not being addressed. I sincerely hope that you will sit them down and tell them what is on your mind. Please stay in touch.

VicAria

I agree with DM about talking to your parents. I think that at this stage it would be best for you to engage an objective third party (trusted friend, clergy, extended family member, therapist) to arrange for you and your parents to have a good, honest sit-down ... ostensibly about college, but also about the dynamics within your nuclear family unit (plus boyfriend).

Honestly, only someone who is there "on the ground" in front of you is going to be able to accurately gauge what might be the best situation for you. Would you be better off studying close to home, or is your home situation so dysfunctional you would be better moving away from it? There is absolutely no way any of us here could ever feel remotely qualified to advise you on that. As a mother, my big concern for you at this point would be how your personal mental and emotional health would be able to deal with living and studying on a college campus. Music performance programs can be a pressure cooker; and even the most low-key one might be too much of a shock to your current system right now.

I am thinking maybe you and your parents need to sit down and create an education strategy for you, maybe something along a two-year program. You had written about getting your LA requirements out-of-the way with a two-year stint at a local college; perhaps that is a sound strategy. I also think you need to give thought about whether the kind of music you enjoy performing IS something that you can study in college; maybe you would be better off pursuing something in the liberal arts & sciences for your degree program, but at a school that offers an active club scene, and ensemble performance opportunities.

Right now there seems to be a lot at stake here ... parental finances, your own mental/emotional state ... that should be worked out first.