nicksmtmom

Wish there was a "Like' button for all of these posts!

Marbleheader

I have a senior, who is now okay with his pursuit of theatre (he is acting, not MT). In his junior year, we also had a tough time finding out from him if he was going to go the BFA route, and each time we asked, he'd get defensive and snap at us. I was panicking a bit because I knew we should be visiting college theatre programs, etc. Eventually we found out that when he would say he was thinking of going to school for theatre, he found NO support from a number of his friends and teachers! This included his old girlfriend's mother who would quote statistics to him about how no one makes a living in the theatre.

We used a summer program in theatre to help him decide - meaning if he didn't enjoy "breathing" theatre 24/7 in a college environment, then maybe he should look at other options.

Not only is he 110% sure theatre is what he wants now, he says it proudly and with so much passion, that no one says anything negative to him any more!

Maybe your son is feeling like this?

kksmom5

Okay, this may be a bit of a bird walk, but . . . the other day I was talking to our school psychologist, Lynne, and she was talking about her sophomore college daughter's lack of planning/interest/involvement in getting ready to move in to her very first apartment. Then Lynne (my go-to gal regarding child development) said: "I reminded myself that my very together, responsible, 19-year-old daughter's brain is not done developing and I better see if I can help her get organized."

Her statement gave me an "aha moment" because I was just that day dealing with frustration about my D not following through on something important yet easily dealt with. Even though I know the research, I still find myself being surprised that my very with-it daughter can often shock me with her lack of forethought, planning and sense of urgency about things.

Here is a great quote from an online article from Harvard Magazine "The Teen Brain ~ A Work in Progress". Link to follow.

"The last section to connect is the frontal lobe, responsible for cognitive processes such as reasoning, planning, and judgment. Normally this mental merger is not completed until somewhere between ages 25 and 30—much later than these two neurologists were taught in medical school."

The Teen Brain | Harvard Magazine Sep-Oct 2008

I'm not saying we need to raise our kids until they are 30 - haha!, it's just an interesting way to look at things . . . they may need more help than we think they should.

downstage

As a "kid" (I'm twenty), I would just like to take a moment to point my finger at fate and laugh mirthlessly. My parents and I made a conscious decision for me to stay back and apply as a transfer student instead of take SATs when I was seventeen. Before I announced that I wanted to pursue a career in musical theater and go to college for it, my parents were into looking at colleges, talking with other parents about colleges, comparing notes on their kids and fretting about how I wasn't "with the program" or "concerned about my own future".

Now that I know what I want to do and I'm spinning my wheels on double time trying to get accepted into universities, my dad will wire money to me and says he'll fly me out to the East Coast for auditions, if need be, but both of them are suddenly entirely discontinued and unconcerned with the application/audition process. I excitedly read a list of colleges with BFA MT programs and they were like, "great...what does that mean?". My dad at least believes that I have talent enough to "make it", but my mom still thinks that my Acting, Music and Dance classes at my community college are "just for fun" or even worse, "a waste of time" -- not really caring about anything but the ONE academic class I have before I graduate.

Now, this could be my dad's way of teaching me to function as an adult in the cruel world of professional theater, but my mom would worries about things when she's more concerned. I miss getting the hands-on and emotional support I used to get for college applications. Although, I cannot possibly begin to put into words how grateful I am for the financial support.

I hear it's a common tale, when kids leave for college and then come home suddenly become grateful for all the work their parents did for them. When I was 17/18, I hated feeling "smothered" by my parents and complained that my mom was "obsessed" with the idea of me going to college and nothing else ever since I was twelve, but now that they've stopped, (and we no longer live together) I really, really miss the extra help.

So, the point of this novel: I think you guys sound like great, supportive parents and if your kids aren't seeming 'motivated' or "with the program", but still know what they want, try backing off for awhile. They might just come sprinting back once they realize what they're missing.

mtdog71

To the question - it is a difficult process and I don't think you are doing too much. The caution here is MT is a difficult field - so the S or D has to really want it in order to stay the course amongst the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune. Good fortune on your journey.

SU88BFA

Since posting this, I've scoured the boards some more, and I realize that (I think!) I'm doing enough-- at least at this point in S's MT timeline. (He's a HS junior.) Although, I do kick myself for not signing him up for dance class years ago, but I can't do anything about that now! Plays, one-acts, musicals, choir, singing competitions, etc. on the calendar. That'll keep us busy enough, along with several college visits.

This year we are really concentrating on getting his GPA up. I think he *finally* gets it regarding his grades, and is working hard so far. He's already been told he can cross several schools off his list. I think that was an eye-opener for him-- to be told that by someone else other than mom and dad. (rolls eyes)

Next year will be a doozie, of course, but I feel like I know what to expect (not that I'm looking forward to it.....) Of course, sometimes late at night, when I can't sleep, I think to myself... OMG! I WE crazy?? Is S crazy to want to do this? Why can't he want to be an accountant??!!

Marbleheader

LOL! When our S first started to head toward theatre, I told my husband that S should go to technical high school and learn a trade that he can do during the day to pay the bills, so he can act at night. I wanted him to be a car mechanic!!!! Since finding out about all the great BFA and BA programs, we are thrilled that he really has a passion for this, and are happy he wants to go to college, instead of the old "heading to Hollywood with $35 in my pocket" story.

Merlehay

I have been doing most of the leg work for my D so far (she's a junior). However, she has started looking into things on her own, talking to current BFA students and even reading the CC board sometimes. What I find funny is that she has several theatre friends whose parents are not engaged in their college search process (unsupportive or just don't know where to start)-- so they are using my daughter (and by extension, me) as their expert. My D knows a lot since she did professional theatre and attended some workshops, but these kids are asking her to help pick their songs, where they should get their headshots, where they should look for monologues, etc.

ManVan

I have one son in a University-Level Musical Theatre BFA program and one son in a general College program. I have given both of them a lot of help to get to school. Here are the things in common for both:

>Discussed at length: interests/passions/career-aspirations
>Looked at training to get them to their chosen professions
>Ranked schools
>Applied (and all that entails applications/transcripts/test scores/essays/fees/recommendations)
>All things FAFSA…you know
>Enrollment and all it takes to physically go to school (4-year planning)

All of that took time and effort, and my sons could not have maneuvered successfully though all the hoops w/out me.

The things that were different about my BFA son were:

>The audition process mostly through the Unified Auditions in Chicago. Determining what each school wanted at an audition (there are some nuances from one school to the next) and scheduling (which I did.) He needed to sing, act, and dance well. I couldn’t do any of that for him. But I could make sure he had résumés and headshots and an organized notebook and clearly marked CDs and sheet music and a logical schedule. We did it together and he now is an audition pro who is completely independent with his auditions.

>Organizing and weighing the offers from multiple schools. He received some offers on-the-spot but we had a pre-agreed upon plan that we would wait until he at least heard from his #1 choice. He then received offers from multiple schools within days of getting back from the Chicago Unifieds. Even after he was accepted to his #1 we still waited until a few days after his official visit to accept the placement (he had until May 1st.)

My point is that getting your kid into any type of post-secondary school is work and they need your help.

My second son is pursuing Audio Engineering, which has been is some ways more challenging than my BFA son.

ManVan

One Final Example: My son has a friend who he had done multiple shows with. The kid is a seasoned performer, excellent dancer, clever actor, outstanding “improv-er”, functional singer. He had grown lazy over his final two years of school because he was in a familiar setting with a set of familiar directors who had utilized him and knew him well. He had only one program he wanted to go to. When it came to the on-campus audition he did not seek the direction from anyone and would not let his parents be involved. When he walked into his vocal audition his song was out of his range and he only had a vocal lead sheet, not piano accompaniment. Needless to say, he bombed, was not accepted, and was not in a MT-BFA program for the year.

He needed help.