qocougar

a big concern (although not a deciding factor) in going to the USNA is how often I will be able to see my girlfriend who goes to UVA. any information in this regard would be great.

P.S. I know relationships can survive the academy if the people keep it alive.

wf1772

cant wait to see the responses to your question.

atrmom

During Plebe Summer you won't be able to see your girlfriend at all ( that goes for friends, parents etc) and during Plebe year, the opportunities will be very, very limited. That also goes for telephone calls, IM'ing and email. As long as your girlfriend understands this and accepts it, you have a pretty good chance. Sit down and think long and hard about why you want to go to the Naval Academy and what you're willing to sacrifice to achieve your goals. If you and your girlfriend are mature enough to understand that your relationship will go down a different road than the average college student's, the rewards will be worth it.

WPSON2010

I was thinking something more along the lines of, "If they wanted you to have a girlfriend they'd issue you one".

My son and his girlfriend talk by phone several times a week; they see each other several times a year. But they seem to be doing fine so far....

navy2010

Not necessarily true- there have been those that have tried, and been successful.... not that I am advocating for this at all, but lots has happened... you would be amazed at the cunning behavior that goes on! It could curl your hair!!!

As a parent, I would be happy if the s.o. was a drive away at UVA....

email and IMs and calls are temporarily out of the question during plebe summer, unless...........

things do get back to "normal" after plebe summer....but time remains very restrictive....there is on-the-yard liberty on Friday and Sundays (if you can spare it from academics) and town liberty on Saturdays till 2200 hrs.... you will keep very busy; it's the s.o. , IMHO, that gets the brunt of it.... so sometimes it becomes "what can they tolerate" over "what you want"......

video cams are allowed after plebe summer, and that goes a long way in keeping you connected, if..............

and 2% do make it....

WPSON2010

My best advice, as a parent, is to make your decision about attending the Naval Academy exclusive of your girlfriend. Let me make myself clearer; don't even consider your girlfriend when you make your decision; this is a much more significant decision than High School sweethearts and may impact your life in ways you can't comprehend right now.

If you ultimately decide to attend you will either work it out with your girlfriend or you won't. Either way you don't ever want to be in a position where you turned down an opportunity to attend Annapolis because of someone else; you would both likely regret that mistake for a very long time.

Zaphod

I'm going to be absolutely brutal.

Ditch her now. You have more important things to worry about. If you can fit her in, then fine. Otherwise, save yourself a lot of headaches.

No, I'm not kidding. Flame on.

USNA1985

I saw a handful of relationships survive USNA -- and one or two of those folks are still married over 20 yrs later. But they are the very rare exceptions, not the rule.

There are lots of reasons that relationships formed prior to USNA don't succeed. The non-USNA person (whom, I'll assume for purposes of this reply is a female) will have access to a lot of men who have a lot more free time than you do. After a while, she'll get tired of "waiting" for the rare opportunities to date you and will almost certainly start seeing other guys.

Also, you'll change and she'll change. Your life -- what interests you -- will revolve around USNA. Her life at UVA or wherever will seem like a story from a distant planet. She won't understand what your life is about and you won't understand hers. You won't believe me, but anyone who's been through a SA knows what I mean.

She may or may not want to marry (or live with) a guy who's in the military. Moving every 2-4 yrs, long deployments away from home, etc. aren't for everyone. There are a lot of good-looking, really nice civilians w/o that baggage.

Finally, you'll meet other people. Not only are there 230+ female mids (not saying you have to or should be interested but they are there) but you'll meet women from the community and local colleges. You may find someone else.

I disagree w/Z that you need to ditch her now. However, you must be prepared to do so if that's what you need to do to succeed at USNA (and it might be). I saw quite a few guys who started to fail (literally and figuratively) at USNA due to girlfriend problems. You have enough to challenge you w/o adding that to the mix.

Bottom line -- which is more important, USNA or your girlfriend? Choose wisely now b/c it's likely that it will come to that at some point.

qocougar

Thats for the advice. Very helpful...VERY

Also, on your adive do "ditch her now", my squad leader at NASS said he knew a lot of mids who did that and during plebe summer, wished they had someone to write them letters...So a right relationship may make the academy easier. That is if each supports the other.

Zaphod

You are, of course, absolutely correct. It really DOES help to have someone besides mom to write to.

The trick is, of course, what you said last: "That is, if each supports the other". It doesn't always work that way.

I experienced both. I went through Plebe Year and half of Youngster Year with a girlfriend in New York who worshipped the ground I walked on. It was great. It didn't work out in the end, but that's life. Believe me, it was wonderful to have someone to talk to.

Then I went out (briefly) with the Power-Mad Maniac. Didn't understand that Taps had arrived and I had to hang up. Didn't help me at all.

So, if you can assure yourself that she will be of help, then by all means stay together, and I wish you both the very best of luck. However, as has already been said, if this person figures into your decision to attend USNA or in any way gives you anything less than 200% support to attend, then you are better off ditching her now and getting on with your life.

Look, I'm known around here for being blunt; perhaps TOO blunt. So be it. I am direct and no-frills when it comes to subjects I am passionate about through experiences I'd rather save others from having. You are at a pivotal moment in your life. The decisions you make over the next few months will set the course for the rest of your life whether you recognize it or not. While I admire the sentiment and the interest in your girlfriend (I was no different in my day), the fact remains you must be BRUTALLY, HIDEOUSLY, and UTTERLY SELFISH right now. This is about YOUR future; not your parent's, not your girlfriend's, not your sibling's; YOURS. YOU come first. You have to make decisions that work for YOU, and I'm sorry to have to say that, at your (likely) age, people make mistakes with the best of intentions.

Listen to USNA1985. She knows of what she speaks. She saw it first hand as I did just a few years later.

I'll also ask you to forgive me for being a bit jaded on the subject. I have had to discover the hard way that it is better to be alone than to be poorly matched with someone. I'd spare anyone from having to find that out for themselves the day before the EE final or 15 minutes before their next come-around.

qocougar

oh, no worries mate! your advice is great, and everyone can use it depending on their personal situation. And I like your 'be selfish' advice. right on. thats what I'll do.

Zaphod

BTW, to answer your original question, "how often" will depend on a number of things:

- Are you SAT? If not, you may lose some privleges you may otherwise have had.

- What class are you in? Plebes get fewer opportunities to spend anything resembling quality time with a SO than do upperclassmen, although they get more chances than we did in my day. We weren't allowed to drag (date) at all in public.

- Can she travel easily? If she has a car, and dragging is not an issue, you may be golden if she can afford the gas.

etc.

I will say this, though: with all of the communication options available these days (cell phones, IM, e-mail, webcams, etc.) it's a hell of a lot easier than it was in days past.



Edited to add:

Good man. Follow your dream, and let the rest of the world keep up with YOU. You've got places to go and things to do. The rest can either get with the program or get lost.

qocougar

Hoorah! What's SAT?

USNA1985

"SAT" generally refers to being in a satisfactory academic status. Usually means a 2.0 with no Ds or Fs. Can also refer to conduct and/or physical aptitude status. Being "unsat" can result in loss of WEs, liberty and other privileges (b/c you need to study, work out, or walk tours).

qocougar

walk tours?