The worst thing you can do about application essay is to show it to more than one person and try to incorporate their different opinions.
I would suggest you to show your application essay to only two person
1) English teacher/tutor
Ask him or her only to check grammar portion of your essay, not your idea and
Give them your essay to read and after reading it ask them to write what they came to know about you, your skill, your characteristic etc
If they just reply that the essay was good but they cannot write more than 1 skills and characteristic about you, then its time to edit your essay
All the best.