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My mom is refusing to let me go to college anywhere more than 6 hours away?

fairy011fairy011 Posts: 41Registered User Junior Member
edited August 2010 in New York Colleges
Help! I've been looking into colleges/universities located in Massachusetts, but now it looks like that was all for nothing. Just yesterday, my mom started yelling at me, saying "I refuse to sign for you to go off to Massachusetts for college. Boston is 12 hours away! I'm not going to lug all of your things back and forth from here to there and back for 4 years. You can go to any college that is a maximum of 6 hours away."

What the heck is that? First of all, Boston University is my third choice, and I'm still going to apply there. My first choices are New York based, which seems to be fine with my parents, since New York borders our state. Yeah, so basically, I'm not allowed to go anywhere unless the college/university is located in my own state, or if it borders my state. I don't get my mom's reasoning at all. There are millions of people who travel to other states to continue their education. So why should I have to be bound to where I am now? That's not a true college experience!

I want to get out of this house so badly! That's why I've been working so hard to make excellent grades, get involved with my community, etc. all throughout high school. But now it looks like all of my efforts mean nothing. Why the heck did I work so hard? I can't believe my parents are doing this. It's so obvious that they're afraid to let me go too far away. Well, they have to let go at some point. They can't hold my hand forever!

I don't know what to do about this. I need help, meaning I need them to sign the loans. But they're not going to if they don't like the location of the school. This means that I can eliminate basically 3/4 of the schools on my list! What should I do to convince them that they need to just let me get out there and experience the real world a little bit? It's not like I'm asking to go across the country!
Post edited by fairy011 on

Replies to: My mom is refusing to let me go to college anywhere more than 6 hours away?

  • vonlostvonlost Posts: 13,745Super Moderator Senior Member
    Hmmm. Our daughter is six hours away by airplane, and she lugs her own stuff back and forth, coming home only for winter break and summers. I wonder if "lugging" is not the real issue.
  • susgeeksusgeek Posts: 1,603Registered User Senior Member
    Now if you were saying that your parent's were requiring you to stay home, you would get more sympathy from me. Six hours, even two hours, is "out of the house."

    No adult can do whatever they want *shrug* We all have to live with whatever boundaries life deals us. That is experiencing the real world....

    I would love to live in a little villa in Mexico, but alas it won't be happening anytime soon (if ever).

    If you are in the northeast, there are plenty of choices "within 6 hours." Maturity is accepting life's limitations and finding contentment.

    *hugs*
  • CloudyafternoonsCloudyafternoons Posts: 195Registered User Junior Member
    I completely agree with susgeek. You still have many opportunities. I personally don't think you should complain because your situation isn't as bad as you think it is. I know people whose parents won't allow them to leave the city, let alone the state. My own parents almost didn't let me go to college at all and I'm a top student (top 1%).

    Yes, college is a way for you to be independent and to mature but you can certainly be independent and mature 6 hours from your house. Not everyone can get what they want. I wanted to apply to schools in Massachusetts too but my parents wouldn't let me. I know this is harsh, but you have to grow up and deal with it. I think a 6 hour limit is beyond reasonable. I wouldn't want to drive to a school 12 hours away either. Look into schools that are closer to your house. I'm sure you can find plenty of schools.
  • swimgeek194swimgeek194 Posts: 27Registered User New Member
    Maybe I'm just the exception, but I actually don't want to go to a college more than 6 hours away for two reasons. One: planes can get expensive, especially around the holiday time, so I'd rather drive. Two: If I need my family or if there's an emergency back home, I'd like knowing that they're just a car ride away. While I'd like to be able to drive home over breaks, but at the same time, I don't want my parents to be able to pop over to my dorm for a surprise visit. XD So I think schools 4-6 hours away would be ideal.

    In my opinion, driving anywhere that's longer that 2.5 hours away is away from home. And if you're allowed to apply to schools in NY, you have a ton of options.

    Considering that Boston isn't even your top choice, I'd say you're lucky. I live in a college town, and most of my friends have parents who work at the university. They get a discount if they go there, and so most of them don't even have the option of looking anywhere else, since it's pretty hard to argue with 75% off tuition.
  • PeaPea Posts: 2,384Registered User Senior Member
    I'm not going to lug all of your things back and forth from here to there and back for 4 years.

    Why does your mother think she is going to get stuck being responsible every time you move? I ask this in all seriousness. Is there is a reason why she said that?

    My sister-in-law never does her own packing when she moves. My mother-in-law got very upset the last time she heard my sister-in-law was thinking about moving. That is because she knew she was going to have to fly down and pack everything. She does not get upset when we move because I have never expected her to help. She never has helped and that is fine with me because it is my problem, not hers.

    Reassure your mother that she needs to help you move to college only once, when you first go there. Then honor that. Never ask her for help when you move. Get help from friends, do it yourself, but never make it her problem.
  • sk8rmomsk8rmom Posts: 5,746Registered User Senior Member
    Many kids don't lug their stuff home from OOS colleges anyway...that's what storage facilities are for! There are considerations about accessibility and expense for flights, but "stuff" can always be shipped (ie clothing) or purchased online and held at the local store (Bed Bath & Beyond, Target, Walmart, etc.). Perhaps having your mom read one of the numerous threads on the Parent forum related to this will help...if that's truly her only concern. Mine would be that my kid likes to come home for the weekend occassionally and we find even a 3 hour trip to be pushing the limit when she doesn't have a car at school - that means 12 hours of driving for me if she can't find a ride or take the train and it cuts into her study time (because she can't read in a moving vehicle).
  • THankinsTHankins Posts: 22Registered User New Member
    Help! I've been looking into colleges/universities located in Massachusetts, but now it looks like that was all for nothing. Just yesterday, my mom started yelling at me, saying "I refuse to sign for you to go off to Massachusetts for college. Boston is 12 hours away! I'm not going to lug all of your things back and forth from here to there and back for 4 years. You can go to any college that is a maximum of 6 hours away."

    What the heck is that? First of all, Boston University is my third choice, and I'm still going to apply there. My first choices are New York based, which seems to be fine with my parents, since New York borders our state. Yeah, so basically, I'm not allowed to go anywhere unless the college/university is located in my own state, or if it borders my state. I don't get my mom's reasoning at all. There are millions of people who travel to other states to continue their education. So why should I have to be bound to where I am now? That's not a true college experience!

    I want to get out of this house so badly! That's why I've been working so hard to make excellent grades, get involved with my community, etc. all throughout high school. But now it looks like all of my efforts mean nothing. Why the heck did I work so hard? I can't believe my parents are doing this. It's so obvious that they're afraid to let me go too far away. Well, they have to let go at some point. They can't hold my hand forever!

    I don't know what to do about this. I need help, meaning I need them to sign the loans. But they're not going to if they don't like the location of the school. This means that I can eliminate basically 3/4 of the schools on my list! What should I do to convince them that they need to just let me get out there and experience the real world a little bit? It's not like I'm asking to go across the country!

    I may be out of place by saying this, but your parents can't chose where you, as an adult, go to college.

    Sure, they might not sign loans, but their are thousands of students whose parents cannot afford to pay for any college, and those students have to be completely self-sufficient.

    That's not the easiest route, but if you REALLY want to get out of that house, money doesn't seem to matter anymore.

    Your parents love you a lot, but you don't have to feed their selfish love. It's hard for any parent see a child leave the house, but you can't let that hinder YOU. This is an investment in YOU, not your relationship with your parents.

    I hope I never come home after I leave (hopefully on a plane) for college. I have no aspirations to return home, but you don't have to be at that point before realizing this is your life, and there comes a time when a son or daughter's decisions are no longer the parent's responsibility.

    Best of luck to you!

    (P.S. - As far as your mother whining about having to drag your stuff to-and-from, simply don't make her do that. Tell her to let you be you, she doesn't need to be directly involved from this point on. You're an adult, you don't need momma there to hold the toilet paper anymore!)
  • psych101psych101 Posts: 49Registered User Junior Member
    My mom will not let me go anywhere more than 2 hours away so I definitely feel your pain. It limits your options a lot. However, if you plan to go to graduate school, then do not worry about the distance. Where you go to Undergraduate school is really not that important. Look at colleges for that first, and once you have your Bachelors, you'll be older and more able to go wherever you choose.
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