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Son's Suicide

heavyheartheavyheart Posts: 32Registered User Junior Member
edited September 2012 in Parent Cafe
A few months ago my son committed suicide. I can't even begin to describe what my previous beautiful life has become. I felt we were doing fairly well until the holidays hit. Now it seems that instead of things getting better, it is getting worse, if possible. I've read everything I can get my hands on about depression and suicide. While part of me is glad that he is no longer in pain, of course the rest of me wishes it didn't have to come to this. My son was very good at hiding his distress from others. I think he was seeing a counselor at his college (he said he was) but I don't know for sure. I am seeing a counselor as are my other children. My husband is not. As my counselor tells me, everyone grieves differently so I am trying to allow him the space to do what he needs to do. We do not communicate about our grief. Yesterday the straw that broke the camels back and moved me from my usual spot on the couch up to the bedroom for the day was that my Droid phone seems to have deleted all the pictures on my phone. Many of these were of my son, including the last time the family was together. Normally I would brush something like off.

Anyone have any resources that may help our family through this?
Post edited by heavyheart on
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Replies to: Son's Suicide

  • mspearlmspearl Posts: 1,233Registered User Senior Member
    I am so very sorry and my heart hurts for you. It is good you are in counseling. Can you connect with.others who have lost children like this? I will be thinking of you and your precious family. <3
  • vlinesvlines Posts: 3,579Registered User Senior Member
    I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. My thoughts are with you. I agree with pearl, try to find a suicide survivor support group you can become a part of. Local mental health facilities or suicide hotlines should be able to give you resources.

    As for your pictures- sometimes those things can be recovered. Especially if you had any removable memory on your phone. Google smartphone data recovery and see if there is a place online or close to you that may be able to get those pictures back for you.
  • missypiemissypie Posts: 17,030Registered User Senior Member
    I am so sorry for your loss. So sorry.

    Make sure you have lots of room in your PM box. My prediction is that many of your responses will be private.
  • Mom2MMom2M Posts: 2,005Registered User Senior Member
    I am sorry for your loss. You will be in my thoughts.
  • whatever4whatever4 Posts: 866Registered User Junior Member
    You have my deepest sympathy. Please know you are in my prayers.
  • frazzled1frazzled1 Posts: 4,998Registered User Senior Member
    I am so sorry for your great loss, heavyheart. People I know in a similar situation have found support in the Compassionate Friends, an organization for parents who have lost a child (of any age/cause). Wishing you the best. Home Page ? The Compassionate Friends
  • lovestotravellovestotravel Posts: 99Registered User Junior Member
    First, I am so sorry for you and your family.

    When my brother died a few years ago, against my mother's first instincts, I found her a support group to go to where she would be with other people, unfortunately, just like her.
    While your getting counceling, I'm sure it is helping, but no one other than those that have been through the same thing can really understand the death of a child, even a councelor.

    I found the Support Group Compassionate Friends for my mother and she went every week. It was a group of parents that have lost their children to suicide, drugs or just natural causes. Ages from the children ranged from newborn to "adult children" in their 30s.
    I went with my mother every week and while I walked out emotionally drained for honestly two days each time we went (I have 2 children), my mother was always so happy she went. She had a place where she can go, be sad, talk about her feelings to those that understood.

    Some parents had to be strong during the week for their living children, spouses, work, etc. and I remember someone saying that they try to function all week and know on Wednesdays they could come to Compassionate Friends and feel bad, cry and talk to others, but as you are sadly aware, each person grieves differently.

    It was a very well run Support Group and it also had a "sub" group made for siblings of deceased childen and I would encourage you to look to see if you have a chapter where you live. I know from my mother, it doesn't get better but it gets different and you can eventually get to a place where you can be there for your living children. I've heard so many people in the group complain about the councelors or other people saying time to move on, it's been long enough, I felt the same way with my spouse, grandparent, etc. PLEASE do not listen to them since they have never been in your position.

    The holidays are a very tough time and may be so for some time. This year (after 3 years) my mother was finally able to listen to Christmas music. I'm sorry about your pictures I am sure it is tough especially around this time of year. Please let me know if you have any questions.
  • toledotoledo Posts: 4,156Registered User Senior Member
    It seems like this is such a crucial age for mental health issues, as we've seen several posts on the topic. Thanks for posting, heavyheart, and my prayers are with you.
  • suzy100suzy100 Posts: 1,972Registered User Senior Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss, HH. I can't imagine your pain. I also recommend The Compassionate Friends. A few years ago, a good friend's teenage son committed suicide, and I know this support group has been immensely helpful to her.
  • parent56parent56 Posts: 7,658Registered User Senior Member
    no recommendations but so sorry for your loss!
  • lilmomlilmom Posts: 2,978Registered User Senior Member
    Heavyheart, i'm so sorry for your loss. You are doing then right thing to reach out for help. And while the pain never really goes away, time has a way of helping us move on.
  • CBBBlinkerCBBBlinker Posts: 2,665Registered User Senior Member
    So very, very sorry to read of your loss. Even if I tried, I'm sure I couldn't begin to comprehend what you and your family are going through. Prayers to all.
  • momma-threemomma-three Posts: 2,762Registered User Senior Member
    Heavy Heart, I am so very sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking to hear of any parent going through this horrible and tragic time. I wish I had something to say that would be of help other than seeking support of others who have been in the same situation. This is the worst nightmare a parent could ever live through and it will take lots of time and support to be able to see yourself and your family through this. I am sending hugs to you as I am sure every parent who knows you, or is reading this, wants to do the same. Bless you and your family.

    I really understand how erased pictures could have landed you in bed. I hope you are up from the bed now and instead of laying there find a trusted friend or relative to spend a few hours with. Is your husband home with you or is he at work?
  • abasketabasket Posts: 9,159Registered User Senior Member
    I cannot imagine what you and your family are going through. Thoughts, prayers for healing and hugs extended to you. May time help to ease your pain and I hope that you can at some point focus on better memories than the sorrow you must be feeling now.
  • northeastmomnortheastmom Posts: 12,379Registered User Senior Member
    HH, I am so very sorry for your loss. You might like to talk a bit about your son on cc, and if you do I will read it. Please take care of yourself. I will be thinking about you.
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