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Unappreciative gift recipient

engineer4lifeengineer4life Posts: 366Registered User Member
edited February 2012 in Parent Cafe
How do you handle unappreciative gift recipients? I have a relative who has done two things that I find really irritating in the past three years:

1 - just announced on Facebook to the world that some gifts that we bought for her 4 year old daughter were unappreciated, and that she really hates the gifts as well. She found them to be pretty much stupid. (The gifts were given 3 or 4 years ago) (he gifts were books, and the author died yesterday, which is why she brought the subject up on Facebook).

2 - looks up the prices of the gifts that my wife and I buy. A couple years ago, she was unhappy with the price of the gift (too low) so she told us (through mother in law) that we needed to return them and buy more expensive gifts.

Is this wrong for me to decide to leave her off of our shopping list in the future? What would you do?
Post edited by engineer4life on
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Replies to: Unappreciative gift recipient

  • zoosermomzoosermom Posts: 23,606Registered User Senior Member
    If you don't leave her and her family off your guest list going forward, I will personally give you what for!

    I am absolutely confident that you could find someone who would use and appreciate gifts, especially children's books. Perhaps you should make donations in her name to a daycare center or after school program that serves kids who aren't in a position to complain about gifts. Or adopt a class in a less-affluent school and donate books to the classroom library. Surely she would appreciate that. (Not!!)
  • SJTHSJTH Posts: 1,804Registered User Senior Member
    How about a nice donation in the kid's name to a children's charity...to someone who WILL appreciate whatever you can give?
  • SteveMASteveMA Posts: 6,079Registered User Senior Member
    Yes, I would stop buying for that person and anyone in her family. I can't believe she said something like that on Facebook--is she really that clueless? WOW.
  • momof3greatgirlsmomof3greatgirls Posts: 814Registered User Member
    In a heartbeat there would be not more gifts to this person. Now the child that would be hard to do but I might.
  • thumper1thumper1 Posts: 35,098Registered User Senior Member
    How close IS this relative...? I agree a donation would be appropriate...maybe to a children's library.
  • DeniseCDeniseC Posts: 889Registered User Member
    I'm lining up behind Zoosermom!
  • gouf78gouf78 Posts: 2,788Registered User Senior Member
    No, not wrong to cross them off your list though I feel so sorry for the kid .
    But your two examples are second hand --facebooking that one didn't care for an author's books (did she really use the word "stupid"?) is opinion. And your MIL's second hand info to you is suspect--is your MIL that crass to even say something like that to you?
  • nj2011momnj2011mom Posts: 2,643Registered User Senior Member
    a few years ago my SIL 'bought' a water buffalo from Heifer for all the neices & nephews for Christmas. I was perfectly fine with this, as my kids have enought stuff, although I know a few of my in-laws weren't happy. (S1 was unhappy, but I told him to suck it up. D1 was OK, as she has been to the Heifer farm in MA and likes the organization).
  • mom2collegekidsmom2collegekids Posts: 60,061Registered User Senior Member
    oh my! What rudeness.

    Don't buy them anything anymore!


    (who raised this gal? Her parents should be ashamed!)
  • SkyhookSkyhook Posts: 1,095Registered User Member
    Just as a clarification:

    Did the relative simply say on Facebook that she didn't care for the (now dead) author? Or did she say she had received gifts of the author's books in the past from someone and didn't appreciate the gifts and didn't like the author? What I'm saying is, if it was the first situation, maybe she doesn't even remember you gave her books by that author.

    In the second instance, what precisely did she say to your mother-in-law? Why would your mother-in-law repeat something her own daughter said that was so catty? Any theories?
  • engineer4lifeengineer4life Posts: 366Registered User Member
    Or did she say she had received gifts of the author's books in the past from someone and didn't appreciate the gifts and didn't like the author?

    Yes. She made a specific reference that my wife had bought the gifts and that neither she nor her daughter enjoyed them. Since this was immediately after she complained about how she hated the author and the books, it was made clear that neither of them received any joy from the books.
  • northeastmomnortheastmom Posts: 12,379Registered User Senior Member
    I would pick up the phone and just suggest politely that we would rather no longer exchange gifts. This way, if she buys gifts for you and/or members in your immediate household it won't be awkward. I would not start a war over the FB comment, but I have relatives who would pick up the phone and get into a heated discussion aobut something like that. If she inquires as to why you would no longer like to exchange gifts, then you can just say that you noted on FB the gifts given in the past were not appreciated.
  • poetgrlpoetgrl Posts: 12,345Registered User Senior Member
    I would just write, "good to know," under the post on facebook, and then I would still send a gift, of my choosing, to the child in question, because I don't stop gifting family kids just because their parents are total idiots. (takes a village, and all that)

    But, I wouldn't send gifts to the offensive adult, anymore, and I wouldn't even bother to explain why.

    what a jerk.
  • katliamomkatliamom Posts: 6,001Registered User Senior Member
    How about you post this thread on Facebook? That should make an impact.

    Poetgrl makes a good point: why punish the child just because the mom is a dolt?
  • ConsolationConsolation Posts: 14,072Registered User Senior Member
    I think poetgrl's suggested course of action is a good one. But the gifts for the kid could easily be Heifer Project donations.
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