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old BF shows up on doorstep after 30+ years

bookiemombookiemom Posts: 1,879Registered User Senior Member
edited November 2012 in Parent Cafe
In the truth is stranger than fiction department...I was out shopping for the day; my H was home. Knock at the door: hello, I'm a friend of your wife's from high school. It was an old BF of mine. I have not seen or spoken to him in over 30 years. He and his wife used to send my mom Christmas cards but stopped a few years ago. I have no idea how he found my address or my married name.

He said he needed extra miles to reach elite status with his airline so he flew out to see me. He lives halfway across the country and we live in a rather remote area at least two hours (and a ferry ride) from our major airport. It is two flights to get here from his city, plus rental car plus hotel.

My dear H invited him in, offered him a glass of wine and chatted about the BF's career and business for an hour! Not much said about me or either family. H asked for BF's contact info which he left, but my H did not give him any of my info (we have an unlisted phone number). H is being very mature about this, I must say.

I find this so very weird. I don't know what to think. Who flies across the country and shows up on an old girlfriend's doorstep unannounced? Thoughts?
Post edited by bookiemom on
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Replies to: old BF shows up on doorstep after 30+ years

  • kelijake1987kelijake1987 Posts: 412Registered User Member
    Bookiemom--your H is a class act. But the old BF just randomly showing up like that? Beyond weird. Mid-life crisis maybe? I definitely suspect he was hoping for more than a glass of wine with your husband!
  • msteemstee Posts: 2,935Registered User Senior Member
    That is quite a story. And you have quite a husband! Midlife crisis? Or spiritual quest? Or maybe he is writing a book?
  • mrscollegemrscollege Posts: 659Registered User Member
    Haha, kelijake.

    Bookiemom, wow. That's crazy. My gut reaction would be to slam the door. And yet, maybe there is a mid-life crisis thing going on here...so I should try to be more sensitive?

    Nah, it's rude.
  • bookiemombookiemom Posts: 1,879Registered User Senior Member
    Actually I'm afraid he was hoping for more than a glass of wine with ME.

    And yes, my H is a class act. He said he saw no reason to be rude. (Though I think showing up unannounced for a visit of any sort is rude.)
  • emeraldkity4emeraldkity4 Posts: 33,007Registered User Senior Member
    . I have no idea how he found my address or my married name.
    Could he have gotten the address out of your mom?
    Perhaps he gave her some sort of story.
    Kinda creepy and weird.
  • bookiemombookiemom Posts: 1,879Registered User Senior Member
    No, I called my mom and asked her. She right away wanted his phone number and email so she could contact him! (No, Mom. I don't think so. She always liked him a lot.)

    It is kind of creepy and weird. I can't imagine if I had been home alone. Geez... That gives me the willies. My H is used to handling difficult business meetings; I'm not.

    I wonder what he told his wife...
  • emeraldkity4emeraldkity4 Posts: 33,007Registered User Senior Member
    . I have no idea how he found my address or my married name.
    Could he have gotten the address out of your mom?
    Perhaps he gave her some sort of story.
    Kinda creepy and weird.
    Reading about what he would have to do to get to your place, it sounds crazy, especially if he thought that you were going to buy his "story" about using extra miles.
    He had nobody else he could think of to see? Maybe someone that might be expecting him?
    I expect there is more to the story someplace, what does your H think?
  • coureurcoureur Posts: 11,386Registered User Senior Member
    I think it means that, at some level, he never stopped thinking bout you.
  • msteemstee Posts: 2,935Registered User Senior Member
    Well, let's see. Obviously he likes to travel . . . LOL. Something must have got him thinking about the past. Maybe someone close to him died or something.
  • kelijake1987kelijake1987 Posts: 412Registered User Member
    I have had old BFs call and even try to facebook me, but thankfully, none have just shown up at the house. Good thing too...my hubby does not like wine OR old boyfriends!!
  • PhilovitistPhilovitist Posts: 2,737Registered User Senior Member
    I wouldn't make a big deal about it. People make weird, arbitrary decisions all the time.

    ...Right?
  • lookingforwardlookingforward Posts: 11,637Registered User Senior Member
    You can find all sorts of things via the web.
    DH got friended on FB by his old college gf. Out of the blue.
  • bookiemombookiemom Posts: 1,879Registered User Senior Member
    Yes, I think that's right, coureur. I broke up with him when I graduated from high school and I think he did have a broken heart at the time.

    My H is being amazingly understanding and nonjudgmental about it. He just said don't give him much info if I contact him, so he doesn't perceive any interest from me.
  • GladGradDadGladGradDad Posts: 2,794Registered User Senior Member
    Getting an address isn't that hard with the resources on the internet nowadays. If you search a bit for yourself you'll probably end up finding your phone number and address.

    It does sound strange to go through that much effort to show up cold like that. It's also strange about spending a bunch of his own money to accumulate more miles for elite status since it costs him more than he gains. That was an excuse that wasn't legit. He really went through this effort for the purpose of seeing you - not get some miles.

    It was somewhat rude or at least awkward (for your H and for you if you'd have been there) to cold call like that when he could have contacted you to see if you were up for the reunion between the two of you.

    Did your H say what the old BF looks like now 30 years after you last saw him?

    So now what? Is he going to come back and see you tomorrow or is he going to just return home empty handed?
  • kelijake1987kelijake1987 Posts: 412Registered User Member
    People make weird, arbitrary decisions....old boyfriends do not.
    An arbitrary choice is suddenly deciding to go out dancing when you had planned on eating at home and watching a movie.
    A boyfriend flying miles to see an old flame is anything but arbitrary...it's a fishing expedition.
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