Lovestheheat

My daughter plays a sport. The last organization we were with all but folded because most of the coaches played extensive daddy or mommy ball and even if a child wasn't that coach's kid if they were a coach's kid they were ranked way above their playing ability and got way more playing time than deserved. If you questioned it your child was insulted for ever more, both to you and to their face. So most of us left for another organization. Similar major problems. The organizations are for junior high and high school players. My daughter has a talent for the sport and many more years to go, but these environments are so toxic. Is this the norm for youth sports?

MaineLonghorn

That's why I love running as a sport. If you're the fastest, you're varsity. In most races, everybody gets to run, 9th grade slowpokes along with senior standouts. No politics at all. Typically, in 9th grade our cross country team picks up several soccer players because they're disgruntled with the sport. Additionally, during XC races, parents usually cheer for everyone, even the kids on the arch rival team. It's a wonderful sport.

emeraldkity4

Hasn't been our experience at all. We have been truly blessed with the activities/coaches/families, our kids have been involved with, especially younger Ds athletic teams.

Both girls are now runners- oldest doesnt compete but youngest is in training for a marathon next spring and raced a 5mile trail today.
( they both were in track in high school- but neither was very speedy- youngest sure is now!)
I'm a fan of lifetime sports, running, swimming,skiing...

turbo93

Switch to fencing. Problem solved Very few favors, if any, in scoring or ranking.

Lovestheheat

Well maybe my question should be what other sports someone with my daughter's physical makeup is good at. Maybe a sports that is more objective like some of you are speaking of. She's tall for her age but not sure how tall she will get, stocky and strong but not obese, good at basketball but but not softball ( the fast small ball coming at her seems to scare her and throw her off), coordinated in basketball, and keeps her cool in games. She tried swimming and was fairly successful but not to
the extent she is in basketball and didn't love it like she does basketball.

happymomof1

Perhaps if she shifts to a sport for which there is no youth league, just the school team? Could that work?

romanigypsyeyes

In the rec league that I'm on the board for (and that I played for over 10 years for, coached multiple years for, and where I was the VP of one of the sports for a while), you're required to play everyone an equal amount of time in the youngest two divisions (usually around 8/9 and under depending on the sport). Above that, you have to play everyone and sit everyone at least one quarter/inning/etc but other than that, it's fair game. We keep a pretty tight leash on our coaches to not show favoritism based on favoritism and try to always keep in mind that we are a REC league.

In more competitive leagues (I played basketball for over ten years, up through varsity basketball in high school and in many different rec and competitive leagues), it was not the norm to play your child the most if he/she wasn't the best. Winning was more important and you would lose your coaching position very quickly if you weren't playing the best to win.

MichaelNKat

If you can find a sponsoring organization or club in your area, cycling is one of the best youth sports around primarily because a fundamental purpose of organized youth cycling is to enable kids to be lifelong cycling enthusiasts. At the recreational level, it's all about safety, good riding skills and camarderie. At more competitive youth race team levels, even those who are not superstars can still race and often there is a focus on teamwork where those who don't have the talent to win a race are still important and valued team members in the team effort needed to assist the designated team leaders to win.

fendrock

How about crew?

eastcoascrazy

To expand a bit on romanigypsyeyes post, from a parental point of view (with three kids, two of which are now in college, one still in high school, who participated in a variety of sports from running to team sports, and at competitive levels ranging from county run recreational leagues to competitive travel club teams, with a few high school state championships along the way.)

Individual sports, such as running, that are scored in the most objective ways are the least prone to the politics and "playing time" issues that plague team sports.

With team sports, IME, the more "elite" the club team, the less your particular kid matters to the coach. Club/travel teams are, after all, a business. The players are in it for a variety of reasons, but the clubs exist for reasons that include expanding their reputations. Elite coaches have personal agendas that do not necessarily include doing what is best for each kid on the team. Elite coaches are hoping to expand their own reputations, hoping to be hired by a "better" club, or by a private school, or by a college. Or they may be jockeying to start their own club team, or expand their own business as a private coach.

All of which means that when you move your kid into an elite trave club team, you need to go into it with wide open eyes, and a clear sense of how much time and money you are willing to invest. Clubs and coaches need paying players, not all of whom are going to get significant playing time. When your kid, you, and your entire family stops enjoying the sport, start doing some hard thinking about long term best interests of your child and your family.

carimama

I saw that here in both girls and boys sports that started young and had youth leagues. (in soccer, softball & baseball). My area is notorious for it and every parent thought their child
was the next Péle or Beckham in soccer or Jose Canseco in baseball. It's quite unfortunate when the leagues allow the uber-competitive and preferential environment continue unnecessarily. D & S both switched to school sports only & more individual sports (Volleyball & waterpolo for D and volleyball & tennis for S).

I second the suggestion above to check out other sports like CC, track, swimming. See what your child likes!

lizard

Parent involvement is indeed a norm for youth sports. Some parents try to 'live' through their child doing the sport, too many think they know more about sport than the kids' coaches, some try to push their own kid ahead of other kids. Doesn't matter if it is a team or an individual sport--some parents butt in too much. On swim teams, parents will complain about relay team selections, cross country in high school--some parents will complain about kid not being in first seven...doesn't matter which sport...parents can be a problem with youth sports. Parents pick up the tab for most youth sports expenses, so I guess there isn't much to do about overly involved parents other than ignore them and grin and bear it. When a kid finally gets to college level sports--parent involvement pretty much ends because the college picks up expenses and college coaches run the show, not parents. One of the best things about college sports is that parents finally don't have to do anymore fundraisers!

mamom

My 12yo daughter loves basketball. She currently plays for her school, town travel and town rec ball. Off season she plays AAU. In Sept we switched AAU teams because of poor management with her team. We knew we wanted to try to get D on another AAU team last spring so my H watched coaches from during games, talked to parents with kids on other teams, and spoke to refs til we found a team he liked and felt would help D grow and improve her skills. We are very happy.

I have found that starting about 6th grade on the travel, school and rec teams the kids get playing time according to their level of play. And it can very from one game to another. If the player is not doing well they are taken out. Many of the teams my daughter plays on have parent coaches, some do not. I really haven't favortism being played because the coaches want to win.

If this is an AAU team your daughter is playing on, find another one (there are plenty out there) and have her try out for that team. Do your homework, does that team need another player like your D? Are the parents happy, talk to the refs, what teams do they like? Good luck

tom1944

Many parents think their child is better than they really are- both those parents who coach and those parents who watch.

SteveMA

I have been around the sports world for a very long time as a player, coach, parent, spectator and I can tell you that in 99% of the cases the parent is wrong and that they either just don't understand the the game or are just that clueless about their child. There is often a very good reason your child isn't playing and usually it's because they just are not that good. Your opinion of your child's ability isn't usually correct in a team sport.

Yes, sometimes some players get favored over others for many reasons, it happens at all levels, not just youth sports. There are a lot of things that need to happen in order to make a team successful. Too many parents look at only one aspect of that, usually how many points/goals a kid scores. Sometimes there are players on a team that just make things happen. They aren't the leading scorers but they help others get to that level. Sometimes it's just team chemistry and some kids work better together on the playing fields than others.

Sometimes it's player attitude. I've had plenty of very talented players sitting on the bench next to me because of their attitude--either they don't work hard enough in practice to earn the game time, they aren't team players or whatever. I kicked my top player off my team one year because if his parents. They were rude and obnoxious and I was just done dealing with them. Yes, the child suffers but sorry, I don't need to be sworn at because your child didn't score 20 points that day.

My advice to you is to take this up with your CHILD. Your child needs to work in the off season to improve skills, work harder in practice or whatever it is that is causing your child not to play. You also need to look objectively at your child and see what a coach sees. I had one parent yelling at me after cuts because her daughter was cut from the team. Her argument was "but she is the tallest girl here"--sure, she was but she has ZERO athletic ability, NONE.

One thing I said I would never do was to coach my own children. I ended up doing that 2 times. Both times it was a case where either I coached or they didn't have a team. In both cases my children were heads and tails better than their teammates so it was easy to start them in the games and have them play in most of the games.

From the parent side of things, we have run into the coach favoritism over the years and after saying all of the above, this was one case where the coach was in the wrong. It was for an individual sport where our D consistently out performed the coaches D. It's tough to deal with and at times very trying--heck, we are still dealing with it after the coaches D has been gone for 2 years. D was practicing yesterday and the coach happened by (off season). She made a couple comments about what she was doing and one was "well, if she does this, she will be a good player". She has been his top player since 7th grade, he just can't seem to grasp that....her state tournament appearances don't seem to count I guess .

In the end, everyone knows what is going on and we just laugh about it as it happens.