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2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads

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Replies to: 2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads

  • oldfortoldfort Registered User Posts: 20,926 Senior Member
    D1 is not close with her future sister-in-law, even though they do get along when they see each other. Whereas D1 is very close to all of her bridesmaids and her sister. There were many people who told D1 she should invite her FSIL to be her bridesmaid, but D1 knew she would have to invite her to all events - shower, bachelorette party, etc, and D1 thought the FSIL would feel out of place with her friends. D1 did ask the FSIL if she wanted to be in the wedding party, and her FMIL said to her daughter, "Just remember if you say yes then you'll have to go to every event and it will be expensive." The FSIL declined because she is getting married 2 months after D1 and she also didn't ask D1 to be in her wedding either. They still like each other.
  • ConsolationConsolation Registered User Posts: 21,450 Senior Member
    edited October 11
    The clincher was that the bride arranged a bridesmaids luncheon on the day of the wedding but did not include D (or me, her mom was).

    Not to include one of the bridesmaids was simply a gratuitous insult: extremely rude and nasty. No excuse. I am really surprised at the bride and her mother.

    It would clearly have been better for your D not to be a bridesmaid at all, and in fact I think that would be perfectly reasonable. If it were known that your D had a burning desire to participate in that way, and the B chose to honor her wishes, then she should be fully welcomed and treated like everyone else, not like some kind of unwanted hanger-on. Whose idea was it that she be a bridesmaid in the first place?

    @VeryHappy and @deb922 , I understand the need to rest and recuperate after a period of intense hosting, BUT...as someone who would be the MOG to my only child, whom I do not see often enough, I would be very unhappy to be expected to leave the house while the B&G stayed on with her parents for several precious hours. Who knows when I would see him again. I would feel like a second class citizen, and fear that this was the start of being treated as less important than the bride's parents. Could be totally irrational and unwarranted, but that is how I would feel. (Unless I made travel plans that required my leaving earlier. That would be different.) @VeryHappy , I appreciate that you showed mercy to them, even though you were exhausted.
  • 2VU06092VU0609 Registered User Posts: 3,013 Senior Member
    I am also mad & sad about the sister of the groom being treated poorly. I could go on and on about that type of thing from personal experience, but will just leave it at that. Not the kindest behavior.....
  • ConsolationConsolation Registered User Posts: 21,450 Senior Member
    @limulus, how awful! I am somewhat surprised that your parents didn't object on the spot, but I supposed that their first instinct was not to make a scene at the wedding.

    My oldest niece married a man with many sisters, 3, I think. She has 3 sisters herself. She wanted to include everyone, so she ended up with an enormous bridal party. I think there were 9+ bridesmaids, the groom's niece and her youngest sister, who was about 3 or 4, were flower girls, and my S (age 4 or 5) was the ring bearer. The groom's 2 brothers groomsmen, plus various other friends a fraternity brothers to go with all those bridesmaids! :)

    The groom told me his sister's really didn't care, but I think at least everyone must have appreciated her desire not to leave anyone out.
  • VeryHappyVeryHappy Registered User Posts: 16,621 Senior Member
    Wow, just wow, to all of these stories. Weddings bring out the best, and they bring out the worst. Just like families!

    @deb922 : I understand your feeling of wanting to stay with your child to the bitter end. In my case, I think my son's in-laws should have said something -- like, "We're so glad we can hang out with everyone until the bride and groom leave," which would have let me know what their plans were. Or, "We hope you don't mind if we watch the game here with Bride and Groom; who knows when we'll see them again."
  • busyparentbusyparent Registered User Posts: 673 Member
    Not being invited to the day of luncheon blows my mind. Very sorry.
  • musicmom1215musicmom1215 Registered User Posts: 1,876 Senior Member
    Wow. Those are some unbelievable stories! My heart hurts for all of them.

    My FDIL did not ask my D (groom's only sibling) to be in the wedding party. My D is ok with it as she doesn't really know her very well and knows none of her friends. About a month or so ago, FDIL asked my ex-husband and D and their jazz combo to provide the music for the wedding, so she will be included in some way.
  • doschicosdoschicos Registered User Posts: 13,957 Senior Member
    Personally, I think the tradition of the bride asking females to be attendants and the groom asking males is so dated and out of step with the times.

    Nice to see that your future SIL focused on asking those important to him regardless of gender, @greenwitch.
  • runnersmomrunnersmom Registered User Posts: 1,628 Senior Member
    In the beginning, there was to be no traditional bridal party. My D and S would stand up for their brother and the bride's two brothers were going to stand up for her. Somewhere along the way, that morphed into her brothers (and my other S) being groomsmen and my D being a bridesmaid, though those 4 did stand under the chuppah with their respective siblings and the rest of the bridal party sat in the front two rows. I agree with @doschicos that gender norms have changed and traditions may need to change as well.
  • travelnuttravelnut Registered User Posts: 1,561 Senior Member
    So much good news as these long planned events take place. A few cautionary tales about keeping eyes on the big picture and viewing the totality from lots of vantage points.

    DD is having 5 flower girls, mostly from groom's side of family. They are older than usual (7-10). As I wondered if it was an unwieldy number, she explained how she wanted to be inclusive and bring the families together. When I met most of the girls at an engagement party hosted by the groom's family, saw their connections and how they orchestrated an 8 kid performance as a gift to the bride and groom, priorities were clear. Looking forward to seeing them all again.
  • twoinanddonetwoinanddone Registered User Posts: 13,537 Senior Member
    My daughter was a bridesmaid in a wedding where she was a friend of the groom. The bride invited D to everything (showers, bachelorette party) but daughter was a college student about 5 hours away and she didn't go to any of the things except the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. I have to say my daughter didn't try very hard to make it to the shower or bach. party (because she wasn't 21 yet). It all seemed like a good idea when she was asked to be in the wedding, but it was really a lot bigger time commitment that D realized. The bride was extremely nice to my daughter, inviting me to the shower too, daughter's boyfriend to the wedding.

    She was invited to be in another wedding, and it was a good thing the bride changed her mind and sort of univited her. Daughter was in college, the wedding was Oct 1, it would have cost daughter a fortune to be in the wedding when she didn't have the time or money.

    Daughter did learn it is okay to tell the bride she doesn't want to be in the wedding and just be a guest.
  • greenwitchgreenwitch Registered User Posts: 6,985 Senior Member
    5 flowergirls sounds like a blast! Get some photos of them all spinning around in their dresses.
  • doschicosdoschicos Registered User Posts: 13,957 Senior Member
    5 flowergirls reminds me of the royal weddings with all the kids. I love kids in and at weddings.
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